I knew this proud and harmless elderly couple. They’d been together for about 15 years. He is 75 and she, well, she looks younger. She
Toilet options, are you sure?
Have you noticed how everything is computer-speak these days? Just sayin’!
Save us from sofa journalists
Who remembers the days when supposed ‘news’ media actually had journalists who got off their arses and went out to research items and then composed
Israel and Islamic State building towards the final showdown
Recently, bunches of Jews threatened to leave their current host countries, France and the United Kingdom, and head off to their holy land, their nirvana,
Watch her squirt
WTF is this? I mean, WTF is it? Ok, if you are viewing this from an old fashioned platform like Facebork that doesn’t support moving
The South of North America is still backward, innit
An interesting examination of a range of different but not so different ways of cataloguing the United State of America shows an interesting correlation. It’s
Cannabis and the paranoia it brings
We know that cannabis, even in its mildest form can have a dramatic affect on the mind. For those afflicted with awful diseases like Multiple
Worst nightmare in a lift … evah
We’ve all seen those scary prank videos which involve a ghostly looking child suddenly appearing in a lift to terrify the passengers. Well, this is
The iSheep paying homage to their idol
You might be reading this on a platform like Facebork that doesn’t allow moving gifs. That being the case, you will need to click through
A message to me in the bath
I have virtually no memories of my past. In fact, most memories only go back a decade or so, although there are sporadic incidents that
Face the hand, face the hand
Woah. Whoever made this is brilliant. I’m not sure where it came from, but it’s one of those pictures that makes you stop and think.
Did women write the Satanic Bible?
Men are dicks. Especially young men. And bearing in mind that the ancient desert tribes, whose mutterings have formed parts of the current religion virus that still
We cause the climate change that causes
We were definitely told not that long ago that man-made climate change (ie it’s all our fault) would mean dramatically warmer winters. “Children will never
The religiously inflicted disrespect atheists
Well, they are both disrespectful in their own way, I guess, but the disparity is wrong. How come those suffering from a religion virus mustn’t
Beware how you push that button
Absolutely brilliant! I hope all the lay-dees that check out England’s England heed the advice, especially, “Save your soul! Don’t touch your hole!” Heck, just
The proper way to advertise WD40
WD40 is a wonderful spray. It was originally developed in 1953, and has survived since then as man’s best friend. I always have a can
What shape is moving?
So. These shapes are turning (You might need to click through from your old fashioned platform to my website to see this properly). But what
Radio Caroline or Radio Europa to make election broadcasts
Radio Caroline is set to return to the air with a party political broadcast telling you how to vote in May! Rumours are that the
What colour is this dress?
Here’s a weird one. It’s a weird one that has polarised and confused. And all it is, is a photo of a dress. But what
Can you change a girl’s face on Valentine’s Day?
Valentine’s Day is a day for girls. Girls judge the success or otherwise of Valentine’s Day and bring up their judgement call every day for
Getting a kick out of you
I’m not being funny, but this is the kind of person I want on my team. Ok, yes, she’s right legged and everything, when really
We’re all doomed. Doomed, I tell ya
So I’m out for my morning constitutional stroll and feeling all secure and like nothing could go wrong and I stumble over to watch
Manx spells things different
What is it with these crazy hazy Manx personages, eh? What are they like, eh? Heck, I know they mainly keep themselves to themselves and
Why are we more attractive to foreigners than the French?
We here in the UK might moan and complain about our lot, but there must be something vastly better about living here than, say, well,
Blowing raspberries at Scotland
You can’t go any further ‘north’ on the Isle of Man than the Point of Ayre. It’s where the west-ish side of the island
Psst! Wanna rent a phonebox?
I was strolling by two olden style red phoneboxes in Liverpool, just outside Lime Street station, the main railway hub of our fair city. Well,
No Fish and Chips in Liverpool
I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. There are NO Fish and Chips shops in Liverpool. That’s extremely odd for a city that’s a traditional
Proof that iSheep are mentals!
Soooo. The whole point of using a tablet is that you no longer need to revert to the old fashioned anti-environmentally friendly ways of chopping
Islam, the religion of peace
For the overwhelming number of followers of Islam, the religion their parents forced into them from birth is a religion of peace. Where it’s not
The Bee Sting
A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain
To offend or to be offended, that is the question
I, probably like many others, have a number of discarded attempts at writing up my sad, depressing, witty and clever response to the whole Charlie
Why are we asking superstitious mumbo jumbo believers about mitochondria?
Ok. So, there’s the big debate about whether or not we can safely have ‘three person babies’. And of course, media wheels out those who
We need more pretty houses
The colours are vivid and primary, but mainly they are striking. Very striking. Most importantly, they are extremely pleasing on the eye. The contrasts complement
Can I pay by wet fish?
You don’t see it promoted so much these days, but there was a time when the credit/debit card companies were pushing what they called ‘contactless
Stephen Fry takes god to task
Gay Byrne is an 80 year old Catholic who used to present a late night show broadcast across Ireland. He is a very god-fearing gentleman!
We need more nuclear power
It is of course a paid-for pet hatred of the Greenies, especially the ‘watermelon‘ ones (green on the outside, red on the inside), but, in
All this tech is making us anti-social
It is customary for the cloth cap wearing and always lower class Northerners to laugh and point at Southerners. One of the many things they
Even members of our royal family want us dead
So what do we know when it comes to the funding of the various campaigns against fossil fuels and traditional methods of fuel production? Well,
I’m still listening to Steve and Sue, I am
It was on 26th January 2013, which, I’ll have you know is now exactly 2 Earth years ago, that I first publicly anoraked about Steve
Prohibit those smelly e-cigarettes now!
Well done Merseytravel. They don’t do a lot right in their strange existence alongside the free-for-all of the companies running their bus services throughout the
All hail the duck god
It is disgusting that there are those out there that worship the rabbit god. We must force them to renounce their rabbit god and join
Apostrophe abuse in Liverpool
Up to 60% of a sofa’s WHAT? Up to 60% off a mattress’s WHAT? What? Sadly, I suspect that there is no word intended after
More Arctic Sea Ice than ever!
Ah, 2007. Well before ‘climategate’ showed us how corrupt, ‘collaborative’ and open to question the ‘climate change industry’ was. In 2007 Al Gore was adding
Life and Death
This is quite sobering. Well put, well explained, but sobering. Sigh.
The cartoon that offended but caused no deaths
With almost no exceptions, the religion virus makes those infected by it aggressive and dangerous. In a similar way to the addiction to crack cocaine,
Why’s it called a ‘grandfather’ clock?
Ok, so you really need to be capable of seeing this as a moving gif, and not as a static pic. Got it now? F’narr.
What are they doing to our porn?
Sex is fun, and what happens during it should always be defined by the two or more (or maybe just one) consenting adults involved. Trusting
Paying it forward
If there’s anything I have learned about life that maybe should be taught as a rule of life it is that life isn’t fair to
A pointless post
(This whole post was pointless)
The town of coke-heads
Sooooo… Coal. Coke. What if a huge piece of coke landed onto this town? It would make everybody that lived there ‘coke-heads’, right? Coke-heads. Geddit?
Fat Bastards walking
I like walking I do. And in recent times the TV channel TLC ran a two part series called ‘My Fat Story‘ during which the
It’s time to forget about Andy
Why is the oxygen of publicity still given to ex-druggie Andy Choudary’s anti-Western, anti-British, anti-the-country-he-lives-in-and sponges-off hate speech? He must be a classic example of
Too much of an insult?
Satire. But. Is this jumping the shark?
The greatest threat to Islam
Of course, not to be missing out, Christianity and co did commit versions of this cruel and barbaric ‘terrorism’ all those centuries before. It’s just
The tree of life
If you click on the picture you can get a good close up. It’s a picture I stole from the wonderful evogeneao.com (I urge you to cruise
You have just been hacked
Keep Calm – You have just been hacked. Terrible things are about to happen to the device you are viewing this on. It doesn’t matter
How to make things psychedelic
If you like the idea of looking at a car and seeing it in this rather exciting fashion, then there is a way you can
Liverpool’s scallies on their free bikes
The scallies of Liverpool are extremely happy with their free bikes. These charcoal gray anonymous clothing wearing teenagers are really enjoying the local scheme which
This graffiti is on fire
This is neat! Moving and alive graffiti should always be like this! (It’s a moving gif, by the way)
The Islamophobia News Algorithm
Trying to decide what is ‘news’ and how important it is as news requires the application of a news algorithm. This is an essential way
Ah, Christmas, eh?
Too early? Too late?
Military Gulls
So. Starlings, pigeons, and small gulls and huge massive giant gulls. That’s what greets you beside the seaside beside the sea, on the North-West coast.
Liverpool’s bells of torture
Four-and-a-half hours. Four-and-a-half fucking hours. Four-and-a-half fucking hours of continuous torturous deafening loud noise. How dare the selfish idiots inside the god-bothering money-box that is
Take ownership of your own actions
Wise words to end 2014 with. Let’s hope 2015 is a year of people taking responsibility for their own actions. And those who hurt others,
Avoid the baboons. Really, avoid the baboons
Ok, it was that boring bit inbetween Christmas and New Year. And there it was, Knowsley Safari Park. We’d never been before, despite having driven
The new Ten non-Commandments
So, the Torah (the history and rulebook if your parents have decided you are Jewish) or Old Testament (one of the history and rulebooks if
Five monkeys and the stupidity of the human race
Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before
The vultures of peace
So, the dove is small. It’s a lot smaller than the vulture. The vulture is strong and large. It feeds on the carcasses of the
When there is absolutely no trace
The available archives of christopherengland.com step back to 1st January 2007. That’s all but 7 years of ‘blogging’ that I managed to scrape and fiddle
Christmas gifts you regret giving
Sometimes you need to check the age restriction on the presents you give to children. Just sayin’.
People are holding dildos in their mouths
Why are so many people walking around with mouth-willies? Mouth-willies, you know, a plastic penis that you keep slipping in and out of your mouth
The British ‘management’ disease
The British and the Japanese corporate offices for a large multi-national corporation decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and
But god created…
And who created your god? He/she/it’s always been there you say? And then they created everything else? Nobody created the creator you say? Heck, couldn’t
Why North Americans need flotpocketing
North Americans (the ones that put their mouths in your face like they wish to give you a man-on-man snog, even though they hate gays,
Good game, good game
I’ve seen human chess. You know, where humans are chess pieces and the ‘players’ shout their moves to them, and so they move themselves to
When is a box not a box?
So, a box drops into a box, but it’s not a box because a box drops into it. Erm…
Why won’t they shoot burglars?
At about 04:40 this morning a man popped the lock on our front door and entered our home. As fortune would have it, my partner,
Christmas ruined by Wikileaks
This is terrible news. Absolutely terrible news. Not only have the naughty list and nice list been stolen, but they’ve been part released on Wikileaks.
Why do Catholics have sex with children?
According to itself, the Catholic Church requiring its workers to not have sex is directly linked to them having sex, usually of a homosexual nature,
How to build a human
I wish I had the talent and the patience to produce graphics and gifs like this. I stole this from tabletopwhale.com where there’s a lot more showing
Freedom to not buy ‘The Sun’
Scousers never forgive. Strike that. There are some within the Scousers that agitate to ensure that the rest of the clan march to the beat
I gotta grow me one of these for Christmas
Squalene? That explains why sharks are such slippery bastards, a bit like those sword holders. And if they are self-cleaning why do they always smell
Bloody tick tock chime bong
This lady I know is three years away from being 100 years old. Her brain is still very sharp and quick thinking, and not necessarily
Money, it’s a drag
I’m always being told to tidy up. And I’m always being told that money isn’t everything. And I’m always being told I’m a show off.
A small English breakfast
Remember when the greenies and thought police told us all that Full English breakfasts were the work of the Devil and we were all going
Chintz is back
Remember the awful days when houses were full of chintz? Awful conflicting patterns and ‘busy’ wallpaper plagued our eyes. Indeed, an advertising campaign from Ikea
Lawbreakers whinge about being fined
What is wrong with people who break the law? Why won’t they ever accept that they’ve done something wrong and so need to be punished,
Youth broadcasting under attack again
What’s on BBC4 TV you might ask. Pretty much what’s on BBC2. There’s not a big difference really, with the selection maybe being a tad
Social Meeja is so intrusive
I’ve sat in a restaurant next to a table full of people all busy on their phones instead of actually looking and talking to each
Why do old radio anoraks see nothing wrong with rape?
A guy called Ray Teret just got convicted on seven counts of rape and eleven counts of indecent assault. His victims were predominantly under the
Dontcha just hate morning people?
If I was a multi-billionaire instead of just a millionaire, I would never need to work, and so would be able to sleep naturally and
How the bees help mankind
So, I’d run out of petrol in the middle of nowhere. It was a winding country lane in the height of summer. There was no
Look at my cock
Do you like the look of my golden cock? Isn’t it pretty! I must admit I don’t often get my cock out to show it
Taking the Piso
Sigh. I am so childish. I saw this sign and I sniggered. Well, it is a little unusual in Liverpool to see bilingual signage. Strike
No Smoking unless it’s dope
Here we are within a bus shelter in the centre of Liverpool. On all the bus shelters it quite rightly reminds people that it is
It’s time to legalise prostitution
Working funny hours means driving around at funny hours, and apart from the depressing spectacle of the midnight cash machine queues of druggies waiting for
Look at the black slave, listen to the singing about gays
Oh blimey. This is just so wrong on so many different levels. Can you believe this was actually broadcast on British television back in the
Why did they steal Christmas?
A fair point well made. It is so extremely strange that so many deities have exactly the same back story. Makes yer think dunnit. Well,
Community radio stations are not Super Stations
It passed me by, but probably the worst example of ‘community’ radio went bust and closed down a few weeks ago. The Superstation was supposedly a
England's England 