People are holding dildos in their mouths

Why are so many people walking around with mouth-willies?  Mouth-willies, you know, a plastic penis that you keep slipping in and out of your mouth and sucking on.  Yes, that’s exactly what these crazies are doing.

Cigarettes are being replaced by portable dildos that people, mainly men, are sucking on.  The more ridiculous looking mouth-willies light up and glow as the user gives them a nice sucking.

No longer are smokers and nicotine addicts happy with a tiny thin thing in their mouths with the circumference of a pen or pencil. No, now it has to be thick and round, as I say, like a glowing dildo.  They suck on this wide device, this mouth-willy, and then exhale a visibly large cloud of strangely smelling chemicals.

People in the same room are forced to breathe this muck in.  Unacceptable.

It makes normal people’s eyes water. It causes headaches. And it makes normal people feel ill.

Unfortunately, the mouth-willy addicts seem to feel that they should be allowed to breathe their obnoxious fumes over normal people in the way they used to blow out cigarette smoke until it was finally made illegal to smoke in confined spaces, so they’d stop killing us.

The problem with the mouth-willies is that nobody knows what’s actually in them.  Unlike cigarettes, there is no requirement for the manufacturers to declare the actual contents.  Yet the mouth-willy users are happy to suck away and inhale whatever it is that has been put inside.  It’s quite hard to trace where the mouth-willies are originally manufactured, let alone establish what dodgy stuff they’ve crammed inside to help keep mouth-willy users addicted and buying more and more.

It’s also quite shocking to see mouth-willies advertised on television, whilst cigarettes are banned, and very worrying to discover that more young people (especially in America) are using mouth-willies to deliver their nicotine than cigarettes. It is becoming the delivery method of choice for those who previously had not been cigarette smokers.

Don’t get me wrong, cigarettes are disgusting and kill. Cigarettes make regular users very strange selfish and dirty people.  If e-cigarettes, especially the mouth-willies, are found to be less harmful than actual cigarettes, then I’m all for them as a method of kicking the tobacco drug.  That’s what they were originally marketed as. Now they are being used as a regular drug rather than an aid to withdrawal.

It took many years before cigarettes were proved to be cancerous, and I suspect we’ll have to wait a decade or two before we have collated enough data to know how mouth-willies are killing those stupid enough to be users.  When that happens, I hope that any business premises that currently allows the use of mouth-willies inside is ready for the claims and court cases. When today’s normal people, currently being forced to breathe in the rotting smells of the mouth-willy user’s breath and all the unknown chemicals, goes after the company they work for, let’s hope it is prepared to make big payouts for endangering the health and safety of the normal workers.