Ever wanted to know the secret to my success? Well, let me shout it out loud.
There’s only one thing better than cake. More cake. Cake with ice cream, cake. Caaake.
Disgusting! F’narr F’narr.
Have you missed me?
Sadly, not enough people shift into this sort of ‘overdrive’ mode when they are over the speed limit.
So, somebody managed to take a photo of a crashed UFO. They say it definitely came from outer space. Seems legit.
That moment when you realise that the skulls of your enemies just don’t burn away that easily.
Hang on a sec. Has that really been underneath my cup all these months? Is that why people snigger when I take a swig? Bastards!
When you are dead, you don’t know that you are dead. It is difficult only for the others. It is the same when you are stupid.
The question has been decided. The options have been decided. This is what the Scottish Separation voting paper will look like. (I say Scottish ‘Separation‘ because since they want to be controlled by the EU, they will not have ‘Independence‘ will… Read More ›
Blimey. How long have I been away from London? I could have sworn Oxford Street was a bit more luxurious than this…
Many people turn to ask me how and why I am so serenely calm. Well, what can I say.
Late at night, what man doesn’t fancy opening his mouth wide and burying his head into a sweaty greasy kebab?
Christmas. Urgh. And finally…
Get out man, get out. This girl is trouble. She’ll be making up lies about the baby that will last for thousands of years!
I must look for a list I made last year of all the people I need to buy prezzies for. Not sure where I put it.
See what happens when the toys come out to play behind your backs? When you are not watching them, they get up to all sorts of things.
We’ve had just a tiny bit of snow outside. Here’s the view from the front door. I’m not sure if I should venture out today.
It’s not what it seems, officer. Honest. It’s just his arm. Honest. His arm.
What the fuck? I’m sure I’ve actually had this as a nightmare/dream. Brilliant!
It’s moving into that time of year when we need to think about the animals. Animals don’t like the cold. We need to do all we possibly can to warm them up. Please play your part too.
Ok, anybody? See these boots with their Batman style utility belts? What country am I in and what is the profession of the wearer?
So, driving along a country road, it’s perfectly normal to suddenly come across a tree that has a face and is a head with an owl in it. It’s not sinister in any way. Except after dark, of course.
The most common ghosts are the visions dressed in white sheets with flailing arms. These are people who died changing their duvets. They roam bedrooms, forever trying to find the corners.