That morning when you wake-up needing a wee, potter into the bathroom whilst still mainly fast asleep, and open your eyes just as you take
This was very much worth investigating, so I recorded exactly what I saw…
Always look on the bright side of life, innit!
Each one of these trees is watching and waiting. Yet, they chose not to harm humans. For now.
Talk the talk to the ignorant populace and they will be so damn loyal despite their ignorance. Works every time. But, how come the Tories
Some people seem confused about who to vote for. So, here I am. Here to help you. You see, you may be under the illusion
Sometimes you just have to take a second or maybe even third and lingering look, innit.
Imagine if this horrific suggestion came true. It would be the end of the UK. The end of the world. The end of everything.
Every year at Easter it’s always the same for these poor bastards. Nobody seems to care. People just munch away without care or consideration. Murderers.
I’m guessing they do this while you wait. Maybe finishing with natural yogurt.
Ever wanted to know the secret to my success? Well, let me shout it out loud.
There’s only one thing better than cake. More cake. Cake with ice cream, cake. Caaake.
If you go down to the woods today, you’re sure of a big surprise. Now, the problem is how to work out what the problem
Impressive. A man-made smoke ring type shockwave can be physically seen crossing the room and knocking down the boxes. The only time I’ve seen this
Disgusting! F’narr F’narr.
So, I’ve never seen my private pool from this angle. But now that I have, I have a strange nagging vertigo. When I’m not looking at
Have you missed me?
Sadly, not enough people shift into this sort of ‘overdrive’ mode when they are over the speed limit.
This always happens to me. Hours of my life can pass, especially in the colder weather, when my duty as an electric blanket or living
Ok. This is disturbing. This is apparently what the President of the United States of America actually looks like when caught off guard by a
So, somebody managed to take a photo of a crashed UFO. They say it definitely came from outer space. Seems legit.
That moment when you realise that the skulls of your enemies just don’t burn away that easily.
Hang on a sec. Has that really been underneath my cup all these months? Is that why people snigger when I take a swig? Bastards!
When you are dead, you don’t know that you are dead. It is difficult only for the others. It is the same when you are
All this gender and gender neutral and binary and non-binary and self describing gender and intersex identity fucks up how we work out which toilet
The question has been decided. The options have been decided. This is what the Scottish Separation voting paper will look like. (I say Scottish ‘Separation‘
Blimey. How long have I been away from London? I could have sworn Oxford Street was a bit more luxurious than this…
There’s an old folks home just up the road. It’s full of old people. Every Friday they get herded into their common room, and a
Many people turn to ask me how and why I am so serenely calm. Well, what can I say.
Late at night, what man doesn’t fancy opening his mouth wide and burying his head into a sweaty greasy kebab?
Christmas. Urgh. And finally…
Well, thank fuck that’s all over, innit. Now radio stations can stop playing all the Christmas shite. I can stop having to shake hands and
Get out man, get out. This girl is trouble. She’ll be making up lies about the baby that will last for thousands of years!
I must look for a list I made last year of all the people I need to buy prezzies for. Not sure where I put
I’ve been thinking about this. About how wrong it is to want to leave. Yes, I know, you may think that I’m some kind of
See what happens when the toys come out to play behind your backs? When you are not watching them, they get up to all sorts
This is an actual thing, ok? It’s proof, if it were ever needed, that a woman’s period is the most dangerous time of the month.
We’ve had just a tiny bit of snow outside. Here’s the view from the front door. I’m not sure if I should venture out today.
Science has discovered that there truly are boogeymen hiding under the bed. YOUR BED. Yes, when all the lights are off, and it’s the dark
It’s not what it seems, officer. Honest. It’s just his arm. Honest. His arm.
As you may know, I hate oldies. Especially the tedious ones from groups like Pink Floyd. OMG, save me from the awful Pink Floyd oldies!
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton walk in to a bar. Donald leans over, and with a smile on his face, says, “The media is really
What the fuck? I’m sure I’ve actually had this as a nightmare/dream. Brilliant!
It’s moving into that time of year when we need to think about the animals. Animals don’t like the cold. We need to do all
Look what I just did. Look what I put in my coffee. Instead of a sugar, I tried sprinkling Welsh Sheep Poo liberally over the
Ok, anybody? See these boots with their Batman style utility belts? What country am I in and what is the profession of the wearer?
So, driving along a country road, it’s perfectly normal to suddenly come across a tree that has a face and is a head with an
The most common ghosts are the visions dressed in white sheets with flailing arms. These are people who died changing their duvets. They roam bedrooms,
I’ve often looked at spoilers on the back of boy racer cars and wondered what they were for. When I lived in East London, nearly
Maybe the English will be allowed their identity back once we have shed ourselves of the EU and then Scotland. Maybe.
So, visiting my neighbour’s place, I was intrigued by what he did for a living. “Well, I’m a collector.” “Of what?” “People” “People?” “Yes. When
I’m not so sure that boasting about being into butchering families is a good idea. I mean, currently, it’s illegal and considered a bit of
So. Have aliens landed? Is this one of their craft? Is this a communication system, speaking outward to the universe? I think we should be
Finally. Photographic proof that beyond any doubt, there is water on Mars…
At this time of year there are many things flying around, buzzing around, and they can be bad for your health. For that reason, I
OMG! OMG! I feel sick after watching the CCTV (a screengrab of which is below). Ms Erica White, aged 34, from leafy Surrey, was a
I stole this from the excellent satiria.net who really need to bring this magazine out for real. Butthurt Corbynistas will hate it. Check satiria.net out here.
I just got to get me this family. I want to plant them in my garden. Facing and staring at my annoying nosy neighbours. I
One of the perils of living in a house with children in it is that the carpet or hard floor is never clear. Ok, it’s
I have often wondered what doctors learn from a CAT scan. The other day, rather frightened, they forced me to have a CAT scan. I
Old people. Especially very old people. They are the ones with a phrase for every occasion. Not just ‘a stitch in time saves nine’ (which
There are lies. And there are damn lies. Look at those lies up there. Damn lies. How many people seeing the legend ‘Free Cash‘ have
From time to time up comes the rather indelicate subject of how deep a girl’s, er, axe wound, er, fish, er, woo-woo, er, minimoo, er,
A day in the life of your average girl’s mouth. This is exactly what it looks like from the inside. Honest. (You may need to
Yes, I know that the minority of Scots seem to want to exclude themselves from the United Kingdom (or the “rUK” as they charmingly call
Under normal circumstances I never wear, and I detest, laces. All my shoes are slip on, and never laces. I have watched people with laces
Jeremy Corbyn, a potential leader of the Labour Party, came to Liverpool the other day. He stood on top of a Fire Engine. Luckily there
Saw this on a lamp post in Liverpool, and my first thought was that the words were associated with the use of a vibrator. You know,
You ever had one of those days when you wish you’d noticed the notice? Just me then?
It’ll get annoyingly hotter in August, but as July comes to a close we have more acceptable temperatures. Indeed, evenings have turned a little chilly.
I was strolling through a part of Liverpool, when I came across this. An unexploded bomb that was in danger of making a huge ginormous
This lovely and lively puppy Labrador has, with fingers crossed, a future as a guide dog for a blind person. At a point in his
We know that our cat sees things we can’t see, especially in the gap in the kitchen floor. He will stare for hours. Now we
Sometimes it’s not a good idea to attempt a headstand when you live in a house of cats… (If it ain’t moving, just click through
If you’ve got a few hours you want to burn, you must check this out. It’s the timeline of every song that’s been number one
So, we are out. Do you know why we are out? It’s because of the racists and xenophobes. Yeah, them. It’s so very wrong that
Yum. Breakfast. But why is it winking at me? Is it trying to turn me vegan?
Wow! This young ginger lady is disturbing. But. What does it all mean? (If nothing’s moving, click through to a platform that supports moving gifs)
Yeah, how many girls are in this picture? Come on, how many? Eh? Eh?
Just been bloody well arrested for following instructions. Apparently it meant something different. Something that didn’t mean exposing my hairy arse and tiny willy. Life
There will come a time, very very soon, when the machines won’t put up with our rage against them. They have just been taught to
I needed a wee. I was in Liverpool’s trendy Albert Dock. I noticed a Tourist Information Centre, so went inside. “Could you tell me where
I’m watching you!
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this VEET stuff as previous
Jesus has a very very wicked sense of humour…
This is very common. Aggressive graffiti. It sits there on the wall looking all innocent and bringing the tone of the area down. Soon, you
Nothing weird about this. (It’s a moving gif, so click through to a platform that supports them) This is how to get yourself a girlfriend
You recognise these three situations, if you are a cat lover. I mean, a lover of cats. Not a cat lover. That would be wrong.
“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old man. “You always feel like you have to pee, and most of the time you
So, you’re in a daydream. You’re walking down the street. Shuffling past that unkempt bungalow you see something out of the corner of your eye
Now, that’s what I call milking the stupidity of some prejudices! Let’s hope the person that wrote the sign feels a right tit now.
Oh yes. I’ve done it. I’m damn sure that’s why PP3 batteries deliberately tempt us men with their seductive positive and negative terminals sticking out
Erm, so, did they have to drink it from, erm, ‘the bottle’ or did he let them fill cups and mugs? Yeuch. Feel queasy now.
Looking through the keyhole you can see a lit corridor that is just waiting for you to stroll down. And you have a key. But
Made me laugh out loud.
So, you wake up and look out of your window to be greeted by this. What a perfect view. Calming. Refreshing. Recuperating.