Say NO to the devil’s lettuce

OMG!  OMG!  I feel sick after watching the CCTV (a screengrab of which is below).

Ms Erica White, aged 34, from leafy Surrey, was a doting mother of two, until she tried her first cannabis cigarette.

After her Eastern European gardener tricked her into “toking” on a “joint”, Erica was instantly possessed by Satan.

Yes, that’s right, Satan.

Satan took control and Erica immediately and without a care proceeded to blend her youngest child into a vodka and infant-based cocktail.

Tragically, incidents like this are commonplace for the poor, innocent children born to stoners. Studies show that parents who smoke marijuana are more than 85% more likely to put their baby in a blender than their drug-free counterparts.

But together we can put an end to this evil practice! Pothead parents, I urge you to save your children from your Satanic lifestyle!

Say NO to all them there marijuanas and murdering your children!  Just become an alcoholic instead.  Spend long afternoons infesting coffee shops with your screaming out of control children.  Let the staff try to be surrogate child care professionals rather than boring old baristas, as your toddlers run up and down the premises unchecked, and your babies scream with boredom from hours strapped into your pretentious buggy.

At least being so hazed out by drink will keep you away from that blender.