They say there’s a lady in Bootle, an area of Sefton to the north of Liverpool, who calls herself Maxine. They say that Maxine surrounds
Category: Behaviour
Feeling wired?
Circuit training starting soon. Too much?
The Militant Tendency
The religion virus originating from the Middle East is certainly one of the nastiest. It has a very destructive militant tendency. But, as people are
Are you ready for the Apple Cock Ring?
The wearing of a watch is an activity that just doesn’t reach the yoof of today. Watches are an old peoples’ thing. When somebody needs
Forced to drip dry
Well, this is a confusing new policy. How do I get it dry now? It’s looking as if I just have to leave it hanging
Meals on wheels
So concerned about the starving bears in Canada, local environmental groups have volunteered to be the providers of ‘meals on wheels’ for the poor things.
The problem with length
See, it’s like this. I’m a big knob around here, innit.
What would Heathens Do?
When Christianity was being forced onto whole villages and communities, usually under threat of death for those who did not comply, the Bible bashers found
Being overweight is healthy
A new report suggests that being overweight is not as harmful as is commonly believed, and actually confers some surprising benefits. Being 5 to 10
Huge cat falls on taxi and crushes it
It’s ‘Kitty’. I live in Kitty’s house. And here he is falling from a skyscraper onto a taxi. Wooooah! Did he survive? Well, you’ll be
Kurds fight back against Choudary’s death taunts
One of my old stomping grounds from my yoof is Wood Green in North London. Unconsciously I watched as it changed and rapidly became an
That small line of dirt
Dear small line of dirt that won’t go into the dustpan, you remind me of wiping my arse. You know, wiping my arse when it’s
St George’s Day is racist day
People who are not English, like for example people who claim to be ‘Scottish’, love to slag off St George’s Day. This breaks down into
Getting pregnant for benefits
Fair-ish comment…
Why do we allow these wasters to live?
So, after a few days of very large floaters, I decided to get advice. Not the toilet floaters that you have to beat down with
Liverpool bullies and their racist attacks
I spotted these flyposts on a wall of a building in Lime Street, Liverpool. At first they were a complete mystery. Who or what was
Hot pussy! Fwoah. Hot Pussy!
Mind you, I’m not sure you’d actually want this pussy sitting on your lap. Well, not unless you were wearing asbestos! But it’s a very
Royal rumours
I’m hearing on the grapevine that the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate, is going to push a baby out of her vagina. (Or will they slice
Hitler’s parlour games
How history has demonised Adolf Hitler, eh? It seems he was a bit of a joker, back in the day… (This was a joke, btw!)
One of the most disgusting things … evah
It is disgusting and scummy, isn’t it? Nobody in their right mind wants it spurted all over their meat.
What 3 words describe your box?
This is absolutely brilliant. Like everything brilliant it is simple, so very very simple. This is a concept that I’m really surprised has never been
Strict discipline to avoid splash-over
Some men have no idea how to aim when they tinkle. They are almost as bad as women, apart for the fact that they are standing
Mess with their heads, man
Mwahhahahaha!
What’s the point?
Taking a selfie every half an hour or so is a modern day essential part of being part of today’s world. But, usually the subject
Thunderbirds are definitely go
No no no no no no no. This is just not F-A-B. This is NOT Lady Penelope. What is wrong with you people? In all
An elephant never forgets
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a
My Kitty April Fooled me
Huh! Man I fell for that one. My Kitty got me. He pretended he was hung like a horse. But he joked, because really he
Moving Forward
You can’t change the future by living in the past.
Those random toilet moments
It always happens to me when I’m out, and I always forget my bowel cancer screening kit and so don’t make the best of the
Not so Smooth Radio
Dear all-that-is-holy. Just been trapped for two hours on a coach with Smooth Radio playing through the entire vehicle. There is a reason why Smooth
The colour of a Snowdrop
I hate that song “Ferry Cross the Mersey“. To compound the hatred, it used to be played during any journey on a ferry going across
Sigh. Huff. Puff. Sigh
Sigh. You know it. It’s just one of those days, man.
Got to hand it to me
Hey, I’ve been growing my nails, caring for them, painting and polishing them. What d’ya think? Good aren’t they? The only thing is, right, I
Radio Caroline sinking
It was some sort of day around this date-ish, back in 1980 that Radio Caroline sunk. It waited until lots of people were asleep, but
Rachel Being Chatty … still
Soooo… I have always tried to produce ‘a post a day’ here on England’s England. This task is not an easy one. In my case
Speaking of Jesus…
It’ll soon be Easter, and that means the ritualistic worship of a ghostly occurrence: A very dead body lifting up into the air and floating
Was Jesus gay?
Christianity isn’t alone in its homophobia. Islam hates gay people too. And so do Jews. Yeah, all the Middle Eastern originating religions hate gays. Yet,
What exactly is Easter?
Easter is on its way. Easter. WTF is Easter actually about? Well….
Trendy overpriced coffee, yum, but which is best?
So, when it comes to trendy overpriced coffee, I have a Starbucks card. I have a Costa card. And I have a Cafe Nero, er,
Your belly has eaten your telly
Yeah, ok, It’s up to 4 years ago, and your telly has got even flatter since then. But, have you gotten a lot fatter? I
The dangerous human-hating faith replacing Christianity
Why is it that those who don’t unquestioningly ‘believe’ a particular ‘faith’ usually know more about it than the ‘believers’? Weird, innit? Take the ‘facts’
When in doubt, get on your horn
All you have to do is press it…
Putting a flower in an arsehole and calling it a vase
There are some people who live by phrases like, “You can’t put a flower in an arsehole and call it a vase.” But what do
The evolution of the desk
Ok, yes, I know this moving gif is really an advert (if you are viewing this via an old fashioned platform like Facebork, you’ll need
Cat Scratcher…Cat Scratcher
I ended up the other day discussing this lady’s habits when playing with her pussy. She particularly enjoyed playing with her pussy in the cold
Would you Adam and Eve it?
The religion virus is a strange thing. It successfully blinds people to the bleedin’ obvious. Take this painting as an example. I mean, what is
A journey into the Twilight Zone?
Man, this is so hypnotic. (If you are viewing on a platform that doesn’t display moving gifs, such as Facebork, you may need to click
Sharia Law for the UK?
I believe this photo (above) was taken toward the end of the 1970s in Kabul, Afghanistan. It is just a typical photo of two
The truth is unimportant for those who tell us about Global Warming
I didn’t write this. I spied it elsewhere. It says almost everything I think about those who fall for the lies of the highly funded
Excuses are running out
Or, at least the excuses were running out. For now we have the neck-saving invaluable:
Advanced Computer Check Bullshit Wizard
Time to click through to England’s England and get checked out. Be afraid. Be very afraid…
Erasing history is like playing GTA for the Islamic State
I am not an anorak of ‘history’, and it has to be said that there are those who love and live it. All that archaeology
I’m watching you
Eye eye. There is something quite terrifying when all eyes suddenly tun and are on you. Or are they looking at that thing that’s
Alzheimer’s disease is so unkind
I knew this proud and harmless elderly couple. They’d been together for about 15 years. He is 75 and she, well, she looks younger. She
Toilet options, are you sure?
Have you noticed how everything is computer-speak these days? Just sayin’!
Save us from sofa journalists
Who remembers the days when supposed ‘news’ media actually had journalists who got off their arses and went out to research items and then composed
Israel and Islamic State building towards the final showdown
Recently, bunches of Jews threatened to leave their current host countries, France and the United Kingdom, and head off to their holy land, their nirvana,
Watch her squirt
WTF is this? I mean, WTF is it? Ok, if you are viewing this from an old fashioned platform like Facebork that doesn’t support moving
The South of North America is still backward, innit
An interesting examination of a range of different but not so different ways of cataloguing the United State of America shows an interesting correlation. It’s
Cannabis and the paranoia it brings
We know that cannabis, even in its mildest form can have a dramatic affect on the mind. For those afflicted with awful diseases like Multiple
Worst nightmare in a lift … evah
We’ve all seen those scary prank videos which involve a ghostly looking child suddenly appearing in a lift to terrify the passengers. Well, this is
The iSheep paying homage to their idol
You might be reading this on a platform like Facebork that doesn’t allow moving gifs. That being the case, you will need to click through
A message to me in the bath
I have virtually no memories of my past. In fact, most memories only go back a decade or so, although there are sporadic incidents that
Face the hand, face the hand
Woah. Whoever made this is brilliant. I’m not sure where it came from, but it’s one of those pictures that makes you stop and think.
Did women write the Satanic Bible?
Men are dicks. Especially young men. And bearing in mind that the ancient desert tribes, whose mutterings have formed parts of the current religion virus that still
We cause the climate change that causes
We were definitely told not that long ago that man-made climate change (ie it’s all our fault) would mean dramatically warmer winters. “Children will never
The religiously inflicted disrespect atheists
Well, they are both disrespectful in their own way, I guess, but the disparity is wrong. How come those suffering from a religion virus mustn’t
Beware how you push that button
Absolutely brilliant! I hope all the lay-dees that check out England’s England heed the advice, especially, “Save your soul! Don’t touch your hole!” Heck, just
The proper way to advertise WD40
WD40 is a wonderful spray. It was originally developed in 1953, and has survived since then as man’s best friend. I always have a can
What shape is moving?
So. These shapes are turning (You might need to click through from your old fashioned platform to my website to see this properly). But what
Radio Caroline or Radio Europa to make election broadcasts
Radio Caroline is set to return to the air with a party political broadcast telling you how to vote in May! Rumours are that the
What colour is this dress?
Here’s a weird one. It’s a weird one that has polarised and confused. And all it is, is a photo of a dress. But what
Can you change a girl’s face on Valentine’s Day?
Valentine’s Day is a day for girls. Girls judge the success or otherwise of Valentine’s Day and bring up their judgement call every day for
Getting a kick out of you
I’m not being funny, but this is the kind of person I want on my team. Ok, yes, she’s right legged and everything, when really
We’re all doomed. Doomed, I tell ya
So I’m out for my morning constitutional stroll and feeling all secure and like nothing could go wrong and I stumble over to watch
Manx spells things different
What is it with these crazy hazy Manx personages, eh? What are they like, eh? Heck, I know they mainly keep themselves to themselves and
Why are we more attractive to foreigners than the French?
We here in the UK might moan and complain about our lot, but there must be something vastly better about living here than, say, well,
Blowing raspberries at Scotland
You can’t go any further ‘north’ on the Isle of Man than the Point of Ayre. It’s where the west-ish side of the island
Psst! Wanna rent a phonebox?
I was strolling by two olden style red phoneboxes in Liverpool, just outside Lime Street station, the main railway hub of our fair city. Well,
No Fish and Chips in Liverpool
I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. There are NO Fish and Chips shops in Liverpool. That’s extremely odd for a city that’s a traditional
Proof that iSheep are mentals!
Soooo. The whole point of using a tablet is that you no longer need to revert to the old fashioned anti-environmentally friendly ways of chopping
Islam, the religion of peace
For the overwhelming number of followers of Islam, the religion their parents forced into them from birth is a religion of peace. Where it’s not
The Bee Sting
A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain
To offend or to be offended, that is the question
I, probably like many others, have a number of discarded attempts at writing up my sad, depressing, witty and clever response to the whole Charlie
Why are we asking superstitious mumbo jumbo believers about mitochondria?
Ok. So, there’s the big debate about whether or not we can safely have ‘three person babies’. And of course, media wheels out those who
We need more pretty houses
The colours are vivid and primary, but mainly they are striking. Very striking. Most importantly, they are extremely pleasing on the eye. The contrasts complement
Can I pay by wet fish?
You don’t see it promoted so much these days, but there was a time when the credit/debit card companies were pushing what they called ‘contactless
Stephen Fry takes god to task
Gay Byrne is an 80 year old Catholic who used to present a late night show broadcast across Ireland. He is a very god-fearing gentleman!
We need more nuclear power
It is of course a paid-for pet hatred of the Greenies, especially the ‘watermelon‘ ones (green on the outside, red on the inside), but, in
All this tech is making us anti-social
It is customary for the cloth cap wearing and always lower class Northerners to laugh and point at Southerners. One of the many things they
Even members of our royal family want us dead
So what do we know when it comes to the funding of the various campaigns against fossil fuels and traditional methods of fuel production? Well,
Prohibit those smelly e-cigarettes now!
Well done Merseytravel. They don’t do a lot right in their strange existence alongside the free-for-all of the companies running their bus services throughout the
All hail the duck god
It is disgusting that there are those out there that worship the rabbit god. We must force them to renounce their rabbit god and join
Apostrophe abuse in Liverpool
Up to 60% of a sofa’s WHAT? Up to 60% off a mattress’s WHAT? What? Sadly, I suspect that there is no word intended after
More Arctic Sea Ice than ever!
Ah, 2007. Well before ‘climategate’ showed us how corrupt, ‘collaborative’ and open to question the ‘climate change industry’ was. In 2007 Al Gore was adding
Life and Death
This is quite sobering. Well put, well explained, but sobering. Sigh.
England's England 