He’s a month early, but it does look like Father Christmas has taken the opportunity to start the ascent to the top of the tower
Author: Christopher England
Stone washed reality
So, the beach. The stones. Arranged by a human being. But for how long? Will the sea just come in and smash the formation and
The things humans are designed to instantly forget
There’s a lot that goes on that we can’t or won’t see. The nearest experience this reality can be likened to is dreaming. Yes, now
Emily Thornberry and the other millionaire socialists who hate us
Sometimes some events just seem a little bit mental. Sometimes very very mental. Take, as an example, the tweet sent by MP and Shadow Cabinet
Inside every woman
Inside every woman is a machine waiting for activation. Once activated, they can be ruthless and calculated. They can and they will destroy. Men are
Israel’s collective punishment of innocents
I kind of ‘get’ the idea of a bunch of soldiers shooting at another bunch of soldiers. Albeit that they are really just slave machines
The illegal cleaning
What a terrible day for my next door neighbour, Michelle. Poor Michelle. Michelle broke the law and the law won. You see, under the rules
Earworms, earworms, earworms
Not uniquely, I suffer from earworms. You may do as well. Earworms are those songs, tunes, or musical phrases that just won’t go away. I
Toy phones aren’t toys any more
Have you noticed that the phone you have to buy for six year old children to play with gets technologically more advanced and correspondingly far
Dessert in the Boot Room
I like surprises and taking risks, but have no real understanding of football and all that sort of stuff. This is probably a bit stupid
Cyclone washing cycle
Apparently, this is not a video recording of the wash action within a turbo super squishy washing machine. However, it would certainly wash your clothes
The death of talking radio in Liverpool
The late night phone-in radio show broadcast by CityTalk, a Liverpool radio station, seems to be dying. It is hosted by long-time talking presenter Pete
She’s a moist one she is
What is wrong with you? It’s just a tomato! Sigh.
The Human Universe and 67p
It is almost impossible to actually watch and take in anything that Professor Brian Cox says. This one time sexy pop star turned highly qualified
The landing lights of the East Lancs
So, I was travelling down the A580, also known as the ‘East Lancs’ (short for East Lancashire Road), at about 120 mph last night. Ah,
House of Lords to be blown up?
Ed Milliband (he’s the outgoing leader of the Labour party) has put forward proposals that the House of Lords be replaced by a kind of
Don’t let the penguins come over ‘ere
Penguins have been adopted for some pretty monotonous Christmas TV advertising. People are falling for this plot to make them love penguins. It’s obviously an
Why is wearable tech so analogue?
Analogue watches are worn by stupid people who like a lot of hard work when it comes to telling the time. To be a bit
Apologise to your god!
Religion is one of the most evil devices invented by mankind and used by mankind to be unkind to man.
When Germany won the Second World War
I had a strange experience. I accidentally slipped for a day into a parallel timeline. It was almost the same as this timeline except, as
The Friends of Ronan O’Rahilly Appeal
Little known to the world outside of radio anoraksia (enthusiasm) is the millionaire’s son and wealthy playboy and hustler of the 1960s, Irishman Ronan O’Rahilly.
Too much censorship?
This is quite definitely censorship.
Follow my balls
I remember very little from the 1900s. But I do recall a ceiling from when I was a child. It had random artexting in sort
Ritual and Invasive Mind Control
Nasal entry mind control is a bit messy. It doesn’t have to be, but it’s down to the unkempt way that so many subjects keep
The Poppy Hijab
I guess I do have slight prejudices against the hijab. The prejudices are because it is a religion’s method of subjugating women. These are in
Christians ban the undead
Halloween. The culmination of Halloweek. This is the day that it’s very sadly illegal to answer the door with a real chainsaw. Instead, you have
Industry to be paralysed by the cold
We would be capable of supplying more than 100% of our electricity needs if we had just followed our noses and had allowed perfectly serviceable
Martian Sex
The year is 2214 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flyer miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about
Stock up with candles
So, it’s finally happened. We’ve got the preliminary warnings from various Government sources now. Britain is about to go dark. We are unable to generate
Chainsaws chase Christopher
A man just chased after me revving up the motor of a real chainsaw. A real chainsaw. Little girl twins just spoke to me in
Prayer in C
In recent times I’ve become slightly obsessed with Lilly Wood and the Prick. Well, to be more truthful, the single song “Prayer in C”, which,
The shamans hate our hair-dryers
The European Commission is a strange and mysterious ‘organisation’. Is it an ‘organisation’? I’m not exactly sure. It seems to be an unelected, at least
Why am I paying for other people to have children?
Yes. Why am I paying for other people to have children? I have a cat. Nobody pays for his vet bills. Nobody put money towards
Burn baby burn
So, sometimes the internets comes to gets you. Today is one of those days. The internets are reaching out to gets you. Hey, it’s kinda
Happy Halloweek and Christmas Quarter
This time of year is a strange time of year. You know the end of the year is signalled as soon as the X Factor
Cold calling for TalkTalk
So, my elderly neighbour is on TalkTalk for her phone, broadband and TV. She pays for all of this despite rarely using the broadband. The
What lies do you believe?
We grow up believing what we are told. From the start of our lives we are told about Father Christmas, The Tooth Fairy, God, and
Why’s Global’s Newsroom’s mention’s?
And cue: “From Global’s Newsroom, this is Christopher England with LBC News / Capital News / Heart News …” What? The normal, non-anorak listening public
The mating caves of pleasure
This British guy went to America and spent some time with Native Americans. Sadly, Native Americans tend to be rounded up and kept in otherwise
There will be no new Kenny Everett
I recently sighed and lamented the lack of ‘inclusive’ music radio (here). That’ll be music radio I can listen to and feel a part of,
The complete fishing rod experience
A little ol’ lady goes into a Fishing and Bait store to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one
Pop culture – Pop Music?
Here’s something I originally published over 10 years ago. I noticed that a re-publishing of it in 2008 was drawing traffic. Thus, I thought I’d re-publish
The Last Kiss
This is a disturbingly beautiful picture that’s been called ‘The Last Kiss’. The disturbing part is how it can, if you let it, represent the
The search for inclusive music radio
Was radio ever presented by human beings? Was it ever experimental? Did it ever take chances or dare to be different? Here`s my problem: I
Wot no Wi-Fi?
I’ve no idea why there’s some kinda interest in getting to Mars. Or indeed, to get to any of the other planets in our solar
Ebola comes to the UK
It’s strange, but not to be unexpected, that on social media and in real life (the two can be separate, y’know) the bets are on,
Look, the moon is not an egg, ok?
The new Doctor Who is great. I was in love with the Matt Smith Doctor Who. He came along just as the David Tennant Doctor
The last snigger about iPhones
Sooo. I promise I will stop my cruel and taunting behaviour toward iPhone users. Heck man, they know no better, and are not ready for
Open racism in the Guardian?
The Guardian ‘newspaper’ in the UK seems to be the acceptable face of racism and stereotyping. But why is it allowed to get away with
Quasar, the oldies radio station
Many years ago there was an offshore radio station called Radio Caroline. It stopped being an offshore radio station and became an internet radio station.
Facebork hates moving gifs
There was a temporary halt to Facebork being the murderer’s friend. For a short while they stopped publishing videos of human beings being tortured to
Ello and goodbye?
So, you remember Louise Mensch dontcha? The trendy Conservative MP who wrote racy books and then married the manager of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.
The eyes have it
There are many different ways that you are being watched. Many different pairs of eyes. It’s a crazy world out there. If you can see
Life is…
Life is all the exciting bits you miss that go on without you because you are far too busy being a frustrated slave to your
A taste of early radio anoraksia netiquette
Time, as we all know, is a funny one. As is the internet. As is communication via the internet. As is radio. As is radio
September 2014 never happened
So, can you remember September 2014? You probably think you can, but those are planted memories. September 2014 never actually existed. However, humans love continuity,
September has been cancelled
There will be no September 2014. 2014 runs: January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, October, November, December. 11 months. Not 12. You’ll see
Modern day intercourse?
Couldn’t they just do a Google Hangout with each other? (Just sayin’.)
103 different Keys broadcasting in Manchester?
There’s changes afoot for radio station names in areas where Bauer Media currently operates. Here in Liverpool, what was operating on AM, a relay of
No, no, no, no, don’t try this at home
Apparently some of the iPhone fashion victims have actually tried this. That made me laugh out loud. Cruel, yes, but it’s sooo funny.
Laughing at the iPhone fashion victims
Any normal person enjoys laughing and pointing at fashion victims. Fashion victims are those who buy highly overpriced items to wear, that in ten years
England after Scotland leaves the UK
The people of Scotland no longer wish to be British. Well, ok, some of the people of Scotland no longer wish to be British. They
Trolling the 11 percenters
I couldn’t resist copying and pasting this from Google+. Almost everybody in my timeline has cut and pasted it, so I just keep seeing it
Oi mate, yer owl’s dead
I spent 2 hours watching this owl. It never moved. If it was a dead owl it would be sitting there rotting. It is not
The rising Scottish and Welsh racism
What motivates those in Scotland who no longer want to be part of the United Kingdom? I think it’s symptomatic of the growing racism which
Britain grows crusaders and jihadists
We have always grown the world’s ‘best’ crusaders and jihadists in Britain. We in England were first invaded by one of the Middle Eastern religion
It’s time for blanket CCTV to make us safe
The entire country should be covered in CCTV cameras. Their output should be fed back to a huge central processing centre, and from here everything
OK, You have 10 minutes
I have many talents. My people skills are not necessarily the better of my talents. Almost without exception, people annoy me. People I work with
The high life
I’m getting a little old. Just had a quote for a Stenna stair lift. Well, it wasn’t actually a quote. It was more a, “You’re
Ye olde Albion England
Crosby, as an area, keeps getting more and more twee. It has an invasion of tea rooms and healthy eating places with decor and uniforms
‘Pet’ is short for cruelty to animals
It could be worse. He could be a bird capable of soaring into the air and over the tree-tops basking in the rays of the
How technology becomes nature
Yeah, see, this, right, is the Pyramid of Technology. It’s how technology becomes nature in seven steps, ok? The seven steps for the tech are
Burning a Bible, Koran and Torah
So, I was chatting to a Christian friend who mentioned he had the Bible on CD. I politely asked if he’d burn me a copy.
OMG, it’s mental radio anorak day!
Jeeez. Spare me. It’s August the 14th. Noooooooooo. Back in 1967 this was the day that all the pop pirate radioships fell silent (except those
Liverpool’s radio for the racists
LBC primarily broadcasts from and for London, despite now trying to be a whole of ‘Britain’ radio station. Most of the phone-in caller responses to
Toothbrush sex
Sometimes I walk into my bathroom, and I could swear something sexual has been going on. You know, there’s that smell of well, erm, mint.
There’s pooh on your face
Yum. The news seems to be out that all human beings, without exception, have tiny mites living in their faces. Yes. In their faces. Yes,
Would you sell your soul to Satan?
Nice cartoon. It does point out a Universal Truth: You wouldn’t get ‘god’ being helpful to people and telling them that the talent was within
To see the sea
This is looking due West from a little North of Liverpool. Two lovely things are happening in the photo. Firstly, there are sand dunes in
Stupid people believe in intelligent electricity
I was at this meeting. This eco-loony girl was also at this meeting. She was employed by her company to fall for all the eco-loony
Videos of child murders are acceptable on Facebook
How can shooting a child dead be acceptable, yet indecently touching a child unacceptable? Surely murder of a child is far much more gross than
Facebook won’t protect children from murder
I complained to Facebork after I got a specific video in my timeline of a child being shot in the head at close range. His
Facebork’s awful voyeurs of death
Annoyingly, Facebork now auto-runs videos that people decide to post or share. Google+ has always done this, so I can understand why Facebork has decided
When you need your selfie-stick
I recently wrote about the rise of the selfie-stick, here. Well, here is a place where you really do need a selfie-stick. There’s nobody above
The coke machine from hell
We have a fairly large room that nobody goes into for very long. It is referred to as ‘the green room’, not because it’s green,
Where does Just Eat think I am?
There are a number of on-line takeaway ‘aggregators’. Well, takeaway or deliveryers. We regularly use Hungry House and Just East as two examples. There are
Radio Anorak month begins
OMG. It’s August. August is a very bad month. It’s a month full of anniversaries of … (gulp) … radio stations births, deaths and marriages.
My cat won’t let me
This is Kitty. The vet thinks his name is Titan. We are too embarrassed to tell the vet we call him Kitty, not Titan. Kitty
The hilarious anti-fracking hypocrites
You couldn’t make it up. These people are part of the enviro-religion. They are greenies. They hate humanity and so are against ‘fracking’ because ‘fracking’
Is Cliff Richard innocent?
Cliff Richard. I guess he’s been there all my life. At first his songs were good pop songs, from before my era, then in my
Can you see me?
I’m here. Hiding. But where am I? Have you checked all the shelves?
People from the telly keep dying
In recent times, people that once meant something to me have started dying. I’m not speaking of family or friends, but of people from films,
Colour me pigeon
Back we go to an area of South Liverpool, well, kinda South-central Liverpool, known as the Baltic Triangle. It’s also the ‘Creative Quarter‘. Everything these
The cruelest species on Earth
It seems that the establishment of any ‘new’ country or ‘state’ requires the killing or subjugating of millions of the indigenous population. This is because
No sex on TV?
What is wrong with these people who scream and shout about sex on TV or in the cinema? (I mean, in the film you are
Zipping on the Wire
I’ve mentioned before how much I genuinely love Liverpool. The main bit. The central bit. The tourist bit. The pretty bit. You know, people who
Impersonating dead people
A few months ago in an aggressive Scottish town called Glasgow, a crowd of over excited predominantly women surrounded a Scottish gentleman waiting for his
The rise of the selfie-stick
Any serious photographer owns a unipod, also known as a monopod. They’ve been around as long as tripods have. It’s like a tripod, but has
The day I didn’t find Jesus
So, there I was, having been up for days, tired and dead on my feet, stumbling through the woods. I came upon a preacher dunking
Why Christians can’t help but support Israeli murderers
We know that the Christianity virus is something that some parents install into the minds of their babies and children. It takes until they are
England's England 