With almost no exceptions, the religion virus makes those infected by it aggressive and dangerous. In a similar way to the addiction to crack cocaine,
Category: Behaviour
Why’s it called a ‘grandfather’ clock?
Ok, so you really need to be capable of seeing this as a moving gif, and not as a static pic. Got it now? F’narr.
What are they doing to our porn?
Sex is fun, and what happens during it should always be defined by the two or more (or maybe just one) consenting adults involved. Trusting
Paying it forward
If there’s anything I have learned about life that maybe should be taught as a rule of life it is that life isn’t fair to
A pointless post
(This whole post was pointless)
The town of coke-heads
Sooooo… Coal. Coke. What if a huge piece of coke landed onto this town? It would make everybody that lived there ‘coke-heads’, right? Coke-heads. Geddit?
Fat Bastards walking
I like walking I do. And in recent times the TV channel TLC ran a two part series called ‘My Fat Story‘ during which the
It’s time to forget about Andy
Why is the oxygen of publicity still given to ex-druggie Andy Choudary’s anti-Western, anti-British, anti-the-country-he-lives-in-and sponges-off hate speech? He must be a classic example of
Too much of an insult?
Satire. But. Is this jumping the shark?
The greatest threat to Islam
Of course, not to be missing out, Christianity and co did commit versions of this cruel and barbaric ‘terrorism’ all those centuries before. It’s just
The tree of life
If you click on the picture you can get a good close up. It’s a picture I stole from the wonderful evogeneao.com (I urge you to cruise
You have just been hacked
Keep Calm – You have just been hacked. Terrible things are about to happen to the device you are viewing this on. It doesn’t matter
How to make things psychedelic
If you like the idea of looking at a car and seeing it in this rather exciting fashion, then there is a way you can
Liverpool’s scallies on their free bikes
The scallies of Liverpool are extremely happy with their free bikes. These charcoal gray anonymous clothing wearing teenagers are really enjoying the local scheme which
This graffiti is on fire
This is neat! Moving and alive graffiti should always be like this! (It’s a moving gif, by the way)
The Islamophobia News Algorithm
Trying to decide what is ‘news’ and how important it is as news requires the application of a news algorithm. This is an essential way
Ah, Christmas, eh?
Too early? Too late?
Military Gulls
So. Starlings, pigeons, and small gulls and huge massive giant gulls. That’s what greets you beside the seaside beside the sea, on the North-West coast.
Liverpool’s bells of torture
Four-and-a-half hours. Four-and-a-half fucking hours. Four-and-a-half fucking hours of continuous torturous deafening loud noise. How dare the selfish idiots inside the god-bothering money-box that is
Take ownership of your own actions
Wise words to end 2014 with. Let’s hope 2015 is a year of people taking responsibility for their own actions. And those who hurt others,
Avoid the baboons. Really, avoid the baboons
Ok, it was that boring bit inbetween Christmas and New Year. And there it was, Knowsley Safari Park. We’d never been before, despite having driven
The new Ten non-Commandments
So, the Torah (the history and rulebook if your parents have decided you are Jewish) or Old Testament (one of the history and rulebooks if
Five monkeys and the stupidity of the human race
Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before
The vultures of peace
So, the dove is small. It’s a lot smaller than the vulture. The vulture is strong and large. It feeds on the carcasses of the
When there is absolutely no trace
The available archives of christopherengland.com step back to 1st January 2007. That’s all but 7 years of ‘blogging’ that I managed to scrape and fiddle
Christmas gifts you regret giving
Sometimes you need to check the age restriction on the presents you give to children. Just sayin’.
People are holding dildos in their mouths
Why are so many people walking around with mouth-willies? Mouth-willies, you know, a plastic penis that you keep slipping in and out of your mouth
The British ‘management’ disease
The British and the Japanese corporate offices for a large multi-national corporation decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and
But god created…
And who created your god? He/she/it’s always been there you say? And then they created everything else? Nobody created the creator you say? Heck, couldn’t
Why North Americans need flotpocketing
North Americans (the ones that put their mouths in your face like they wish to give you a man-on-man snog, even though they hate gays,
Good game, good game
I’ve seen human chess. You know, where humans are chess pieces and the ‘players’ shout their moves to them, and so they move themselves to
When is a box not a box?
So, a box drops into a box, but it’s not a box because a box drops into it. Erm…
Why won’t they shoot burglars?
At about 04:40 this morning a man popped the lock on our front door and entered our home. As fortune would have it, my partner,
Christmas ruined by Wikileaks
This is terrible news. Absolutely terrible news. Not only have the naughty list and nice list been stolen, but they’ve been part released on Wikileaks.
Why do Catholics have sex with children?
According to itself, the Catholic Church requiring its workers to not have sex is directly linked to them having sex, usually of a homosexual nature,
How to build a human
I wish I had the talent and the patience to produce graphics and gifs like this. I stole this from tabletopwhale.com where there’s a lot more showing
Freedom to not buy ‘The Sun’
Scousers never forgive. Strike that. There are some within the Scousers that agitate to ensure that the rest of the clan march to the beat
I gotta grow me one of these for Christmas
Squalene? That explains why sharks are such slippery bastards, a bit like those sword holders. And if they are self-cleaning why do they always smell
Bloody tick tock chime bong
This lady I know is three years away from being 100 years old. Her brain is still very sharp and quick thinking, and not necessarily
Money, it’s a drag
I’m always being told to tidy up. And I’m always being told that money isn’t everything. And I’m always being told I’m a show off.
A small English breakfast
Remember when the greenies and thought police told us all that Full English breakfasts were the work of the Devil and we were all going
Chintz is back
Remember the awful days when houses were full of chintz? Awful conflicting patterns and ‘busy’ wallpaper plagued our eyes. Indeed, an advertising campaign from Ikea
Lawbreakers whinge about being fined
What is wrong with people who break the law? Why won’t they ever accept that they’ve done something wrong and so need to be punished,
Youth broadcasting under attack again
What’s on BBC4 TV you might ask. Pretty much what’s on BBC2. There’s not a big difference really, with the selection maybe being a tad
Social Meeja is so intrusive
I’ve sat in a restaurant next to a table full of people all busy on their phones instead of actually looking and talking to each
Why do old radio anoraks see nothing wrong with rape?
A guy called Ray Teret just got convicted on seven counts of rape and eleven counts of indecent assault. His victims were predominantly under the
Dontcha just hate morning people?
If I was a multi-billionaire instead of just a millionaire, I would never need to work, and so would be able to sleep naturally and
How the bees help mankind
So, I’d run out of petrol in the middle of nowhere. It was a winding country lane in the height of summer. There was no
Look at my cock
Do you like the look of my golden cock? Isn’t it pretty! I must admit I don’t often get my cock out to show it
Taking the Piso
Sigh. I am so childish. I saw this sign and I sniggered. Well, it is a little unusual in Liverpool to see bilingual signage. Strike
No Smoking unless it’s dope
Here we are within a bus shelter in the centre of Liverpool. On all the bus shelters it quite rightly reminds people that it is
It’s time to legalise prostitution
Working funny hours means driving around at funny hours, and apart from the depressing spectacle of the midnight cash machine queues of druggies waiting for
Look at the black slave, listen to the singing about gays
Oh blimey. This is just so wrong on so many different levels. Can you believe this was actually broadcast on British television back in the
Why did they steal Christmas?
A fair point well made. It is so extremely strange that so many deities have exactly the same back story. Makes yer think dunnit. Well,
Santa starts to climb Radio City 1’s Tower
He’s a month early, but it does look like Father Christmas has taken the opportunity to start the ascent to the top of the tower
Stone washed reality
So, the beach. The stones. Arranged by a human being. But for how long? Will the sea just come in and smash the formation and
The things humans are designed to instantly forget
There’s a lot that goes on that we can’t or won’t see. The nearest experience this reality can be likened to is dreaming. Yes, now
Emily Thornberry and the other millionaire socialists who hate us
Sometimes some events just seem a little bit mental. Sometimes very very mental. Take, as an example, the tweet sent by MP and Shadow Cabinet
Inside every woman
Inside every woman is a machine waiting for activation. Once activated, they can be ruthless and calculated. They can and they will destroy. Men are
Israel’s collective punishment of innocents
I kind of ‘get’ the idea of a bunch of soldiers shooting at another bunch of soldiers. Albeit that they are really just slave machines
The illegal cleaning
What a terrible day for my next door neighbour, Michelle. Poor Michelle. Michelle broke the law and the law won. You see, under the rules
Earworms, earworms, earworms
Not uniquely, I suffer from earworms. You may do as well. Earworms are those songs, tunes, or musical phrases that just won’t go away. I
Toy phones aren’t toys any more
Have you noticed that the phone you have to buy for six year old children to play with gets technologically more advanced and correspondingly far
Dessert in the Boot Room
I like surprises and taking risks, but have no real understanding of football and all that sort of stuff. This is probably a bit stupid
Cyclone washing cycle
Apparently, this is not a video recording of the wash action within a turbo super squishy washing machine. However, it would certainly wash your clothes
She’s a moist one she is
What is wrong with you? It’s just a tomato! Sigh.
The landing lights of the East Lancs
So, I was travelling down the A580, also known as the ‘East Lancs’ (short for East Lancashire Road), at about 120 mph last night. Ah,
House of Lords to be blown up?
Ed Milliband (he’s the outgoing leader of the Labour party) has put forward proposals that the House of Lords be replaced by a kind of
Don’t let the penguins come over ‘ere
Penguins have been adopted for some pretty monotonous Christmas TV advertising. People are falling for this plot to make them love penguins. It’s obviously an
Why is wearable tech so analogue?
Analogue watches are worn by stupid people who like a lot of hard work when it comes to telling the time. To be a bit
Apologise to your god!
Religion is one of the most evil devices invented by mankind and used by mankind to be unkind to man.
When Germany won the Second World War
I had a strange experience. I accidentally slipped for a day into a parallel timeline. It was almost the same as this timeline except, as
Too much censorship?
This is quite definitely censorship.
Follow my balls
I remember very little from the 1900s. But I do recall a ceiling from when I was a child. It had random artexting in sort
Ritual and Invasive Mind Control
Nasal entry mind control is a bit messy. It doesn’t have to be, but it’s down to the unkempt way that so many subjects keep
The Poppy Hijab
I guess I do have slight prejudices against the hijab. The prejudices are because it is a religion’s method of subjugating women. These are in
Christians ban the undead
Halloween. The culmination of Halloweek. This is the day that it’s very sadly illegal to answer the door with a real chainsaw. Instead, you have
Industry to be paralysed by the cold
We would be capable of supplying more than 100% of our electricity needs if we had just followed our noses and had allowed perfectly serviceable
Martian Sex
The year is 2214 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flyer miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about
Stock up with candles
So, it’s finally happened. We’ve got the preliminary warnings from various Government sources now. Britain is about to go dark. We are unable to generate
Chainsaws chase Christopher
A man just chased after me revving up the motor of a real chainsaw. A real chainsaw. Little girl twins just spoke to me in
Prayer in C
In recent times I’ve become slightly obsessed with Lilly Wood and the Prick. Well, to be more truthful, the single song “Prayer in C”, which,
The shamans hate our hair-dryers
The European Commission is a strange and mysterious ‘organisation’. Is it an ‘organisation’? I’m not exactly sure. It seems to be an unelected, at least
Why am I paying for other people to have children?
Yes. Why am I paying for other people to have children? I have a cat. Nobody pays for his vet bills. Nobody put money towards
Burn baby burn
So, sometimes the internets comes to gets you. Today is one of those days. The internets are reaching out to gets you. Hey, it’s kinda
Happy Halloweek and Christmas Quarter
This time of year is a strange time of year. You know the end of the year is signalled as soon as the X Factor
Cold calling for TalkTalk
So, my elderly neighbour is on TalkTalk for her phone, broadband and TV. She pays for all of this despite rarely using the broadband. The
What lies do you believe?
We grow up believing what we are told. From the start of our lives we are told about Father Christmas, The Tooth Fairy, God, and
Why’s Global’s Newsroom’s mention’s?
And cue: “From Global’s Newsroom, this is Christopher England with LBC News / Capital News / Heart News …” What? The normal, non-anorak listening public
The mating caves of pleasure
This British guy went to America and spent some time with Native Americans. Sadly, Native Americans tend to be rounded up and kept in otherwise
There will be no new Kenny Everett
I recently sighed and lamented the lack of ‘inclusive’ music radio (here). That’ll be music radio I can listen to and feel a part of,
The complete fishing rod experience
A little ol’ lady goes into a Fishing and Bait store to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one
Pop culture – Pop Music?
Here’s something I originally published over 10 years ago. I noticed that a re-publishing of it in 2008 was drawing traffic. Thus, I thought I’d re-publish
The Last Kiss
This is a disturbingly beautiful picture that’s been called ‘The Last Kiss’. The disturbing part is how it can, if you let it, represent the
Wot no Wi-Fi?
I’ve no idea why there’s some kinda interest in getting to Mars. Or indeed, to get to any of the other planets in our solar
Ebola comes to the UK
It’s strange, but not to be unexpected, that on social media and in real life (the two can be separate, y’know) the bets are on,
The last snigger about iPhones
Sooo. I promise I will stop my cruel and taunting behaviour toward iPhone users. Heck man, they know no better, and are not ready for
Open racism in the Guardian?
The Guardian ‘newspaper’ in the UK seems to be the acceptable face of racism and stereotyping. But why is it allowed to get away with
Facebork hates moving gifs
There was a temporary halt to Facebork being the murderer’s friend. For a short while they stopped publishing videos of human beings being tortured to
England's England 