One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally,
My Supercar
Getting this bloody anti-gravity car thing I invented to keep still and air-park properly is a bloody nightmare. It sort of drifts a bit whilst
Guess who owns the Ross Revenge
Radio enthusiasts or ‘anoraks’ won’t like my revelation much, but during the course of this article I will be stating quite categorically who owns the
The silly god-bothering dictator
Who is this god-bothering silly man John Sentamu? Why does he feel the need to control other people having sex? Yes, I know that he
No gay sex for me yet
My lack of having had sex with a man tells me that it is probably not to be. Never say never, of course, but if
A Christian/Muslim dies…
I am an equal opportunities atheist, and I like to laugh and point at both Christians and Muslims at the same time. Sooo… If you
Creative multi-tasking for men?
Apart from being a living breathing enigma, I am an incredibly talented person. I am a ‘creative’. Being a ‘creative’ means I am burdened with
The Virgin gets Gored with the Pole
I like the concept of Richard Branson, the Virgin man. Of the multi-Billionaires that have stashed away far more personal wealth than entire countries have
Fearne’s phone fears
An interesting side comment by Fearne Cotton on her radio show led to a barrage of texts and emails agreeing with her. She revealed in
Pastures new, passions old
An extract from my latest novel, which was originally written in Welsh for obvious reasons: We met in a secluded field, the sun almost kissing
Incompetency based Competency testing
Imagine, if you will, that you can sing. You want to take this further and so you apply to the X Factor. The day of
They still blame Margaret Thatcher
It’s been another week of “I blame Margaret Thatcher” up here in the actual anus of the UK, the Tory-free backward-thinking North-West. Apparently, Mrs Thatcher,
I blame Margaret Thatcher
Lefties, especially the wealthy middle class ones, are creatures of habit. One of their habits is to blame Margaret Thatcher for everything they consider that’s
The decline in radio studio operational standards
When I was a lad in radio I was taught that your headphones were the most important tool you had. Not only would you hear
More or less no global warming
Statistically, not a huge number of people listen to a BBC Radio 4 programme called ‘More or Less’. Presented by Tim Harford and produced in
Did you hear about Diogenes?
Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour or spread gossip. In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates
Goodbye to the local freebie paper man
There is this rather old gentleman I spy from my office window who shuffles about the streets of North Liverpool. He is always over-laden with
Tidy desk? – Nothing to do
Not me, not my desk, not even slightly similar. Honest. I like my desk untidy. It’s MY desk with MY things on it and nobody
I’m not on Twitter, I have a life
Now then, those who regularly read this England’s England place and take an interest in my spoutage will know that I’m an early adopter of
I’m the man without a past
So, having basked in a recent article from Steve Conway (here) that basically went on about how in touch with tomorrow I am, I thought
The day Steve Conway realised he was one of THEM
I’ve spoken before about my Steve Conway Envy (here). From the results of a search across England’s England it would appear that I obesses about
How useless is a sandpaper dildo?
I’m not actually sure how useless a sandpaper dildo is. I mean, for those who partake of a little BDSM in their lives, I’d have
Living amongst real racists in Liverpool
I’m only a slight racist. Everybody’s at the very least a slight racist, even though people will protest loudly with the phrase, “I’m not a
The cuts won’t affect Liverpool’s skunk industry
Despite the vast majority of the occupants in the Anfield area of North Liverpool having never actually worked, quite a number can be very enterprising
No prosecuting of racist Diane Abbot again
When Diane Abbott showed her true, er, colours, with her latest racist outburst, what struck me most was how she actually had no idea how
Admitting to Fat Bastard Syndrome
I’m don’t drink alcohol, and when I say I don’t drink alcohol, almost everybody assumes I must be a recovering alcoholic. I’m not, I just
Driving test needed every 10 years
They’ve finally moved the trophy smashed up car that was driven a few hundred metres into a house following a row and a stabbing in
Christopher England fights Fat Bastard Syndrome
The first few weeks of January must be terrible for gym owners. Ok, yes, there might be new business from those idiots setting themselves ridiculous New Year’s
The world ended in 2011
Atmospheric concentrations of CO2 rose by a record amount over the past year. It is the third successive year in which they have increased sharply.
Steve Conway fights Fat Bastard Syndrome
One of the first things I noticed, following my eviction from London, and arrival in Liverpool, was how everybody smokes. The second was that every
Tribalism is destroying Britain
What are the main problems of this human species? Humans! We are our own enemies, our own predators. But why? Tribalism; the idea that we
A powerful image of 2011
Of all the images available from 2011, some of them of dramatic natural disasters, revolutions, mass jubilation, probably this one stands out for its simplicity
Motivate to Metric NOW
Good to hear that Ireland has removed all the silly imperial roadsigns spouting stuff like ‘miles per hour’ speed limits and has properly replaced them
The Christian fear of sexuality continues…
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
My Christmas tree fear
Phew! Christmas is over for another year, and my eyes can stop watering. Now, you know people have phobias? Some people run screaming and wet
Real man’s Engineering Guide
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
The domestic violence of Christmas
A repeat article from last Christmas to help us pause for thought: Having ingested four times more than a single human’s portion of food on
So this is Christmas…
It’s Christmas Day. For a majority of the planet today is just another day. However, for most of the English speaking and ‘western’ world it’s
What’s Christmas?
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
Christmas shoppers are nutters
Rush rush rush. It’s Christmas. Panic Panic Panic. Are Christmas shoppers raving mad? Apart from the slightly odd thing that shops are selling stuff for
The ‘special personal attention mail’ folder
My life is sorted. Thanks to some kind people who I didn’t know before going through a folder in my email system called ‘Spam’, my
How a Greek Bailout works
It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is
Going to a Carol Service
It’s weird being an outsider, y’know. But, I went to a Carol Service, ‘cos it was Christmas, innit. Ok, let’s examine this: I didn’t go
Tallbloke’s solicitor makes ready to sue
A letter from Wilde & Co. To: All those who feel offended and/or threatened by the actions taken against innocent climate enthusiast Roger Tattersall aka
Facebookers make ready to jump off bridges
The Facebork timelines have finally arrived for the prolls using Facebork. (Oh dear.) Blood before Christmas! (Where’s my popcorn?) As a very important person,
Greenie loonies libel the Tallbloke
Years ago when women were accused by the religion of the day (usually Christianity) of being witches, the representatives of that religion couldn’t wait to
Climate Change sceptic’s home raided
It isn’t a good time to be a blogger in search of the truth. Police have raided the home of a blogger in Norfolk, the
Pants prove Global Warming
Well, that’s it then. No further arguments can counter this ultimate piece of evidence. ~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on
Are we ready for a frozen life when the Sun goes out?
It’s fairly obvious to anybody but the weirdest, that the primary driving force of the overall temperatures of the different hemispheres on this planet of ours is
Crosby has never been part of Liverpool
Yes, I have complained before about outsiders pretending they are ‘Scousers’ or pretending have something to do with Liverpool (here). But, I’m about to complain
The concept radio show
Maybe I don’t realise it but I am potentially sounding like a long haired dinosaur rock enthusiast. Lovers of ‘progressive rock’ will lament the passing
Climategate 2.0: Cameron’s adviser is now sceptical
So, if mainstream news media reports are to be believed, it appears that the UK Prime Minister’s ‘green guru’ has sussed that the whole man
What are the wind turbines for?
Now then, stop me if I’m wrong, but aren’t wind turbines supposed to be furiously generating electricity when it’s windy? I mean, that’s their whole
Charlie Brooker is annoying
Charlie Brooker starts off as slightly annoying, but can get as far as very annoying. Brooker looking annoyed Charlie Brooker is not just annoying because
Climategate 2.0: The greenie religion
Followers of Science: When the people from CERN fired a neutrino or two and they arrived at a destination far faster than they should have
What makes radio grate in Liverpool?
Apparently there’s a conference today in Liverpool, to discover what’s ‘great’ about radio in Liverpool. Well, of course, Liverpool only actually has five station based
Climategate 2.0: The BBC bias exposed
It is traditional during times of conflict, that the state media be used to propagate a hatred of the enemy. It is important that those
Gary Speed and suicide
Sometimes we have to make assumptions. Not being a close member of the family, I of course don’t know the true facts. I, like you,
Climategate 2.0: All our models are wrong
Here’s a brilliantly written piece by Andrew Orlowski, published here originally. Andrew is a regular writer on technology and environment for The Register, and all
Jeremy Clarkson, the last TV hero
TV presenter, writer and personality, Jeremy Clarkson is probably the last living right-of-centre broadcaster allowed on British TV. He probably only survives because the Top
Climategate 2.0: The next tranche
Last month, whoever ‘stole’ or ‘liberated’ the original emails from the server at the University of East Anglia, that were then circulated and back in
A perspective on Climate Change
Sometimes a simple graphic illustrates it all. Here we have two graphs that make that point very well. When looking at the famous ‘hockey-stick’ graph
Nobody’s fleeing Climate Change
As the free thinking world wakes more and more to the whole Climate Change scam – the pretending that a) the Climate is in some
Even Polar Bears deny there’s Global Warming
In recent times the climate change debate has reached the news, with a far more hostile attack on those who are sceptical about the dogma
Climate lies: Even the children won’t know what snow is!
Whenever it suddenly gets cold/hot/wet/dry/windy/calm or snowy we act as if something new and unusual has happened. Why? Without distracting from how awful it must
Repeal the pointless Climate Change Act
Click through the above to reach the Facebook campaign page There’s not an awful lot that can be added to what has been written by
‘Climate Change’ is really about population control
As the lies of those who want us to believe that we are facing man made climate change continue to unravel and the public slowly
The Climate Change Religion wants us to believe
Back in September 2010, I originally wrote this: The Advertising Standards Authority quite correctly banned the Government’s scare-ads in the UK promoting fear of the
Climategate 1.0
Back in November 2009 after the first ever tranche of emails were released, I wrote the following: So then. Somebody hacks into one of the
Stop these bastard Segues
The ‘segue’ (pronounced ‘seg-way’) when applied to songs on the radio used to mean carefully playing one song after another with them intermingling as one
Old radio anoraks are not dying fast enough
I can’t help it. There’s a devil inside me. It forces me to poke old radio anoraks with a stick. I really can’t help it.
The Pluses of the Google Plus public house
Yes, I know I am a Google obsessive, ok. But, surely you’ve just got to love a company with bouncy balls, slides and playrooms in their
Scouse eggs
Two Scousers are riding along the M62 from Liverpool to Manchester on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker
Too many pretend Scousers out there
Everybody’s heard of ‘Irish Stew’, right? Most have heard of ‘Lancashire Hot Pot’. In Liverpool, the land of one syllable, a variation on this stew of
Radio Caroline plays the hits
I’ve mentioned before how confused and angry radio anoraks get. Well, the older ones mainly. They spontaneously combust if they are faced with anything modern.
No cat toys for Christmas
I’m sure I’ve spent hundreds of Pounds on cat toys. I’m sure the cats are taking the piss out of me. Not that I’m paranoid
Why treat other criminals differently to kiddie fiddlers?
It is a general rule of societies in the ‘civilised’ world to despise and ostracise paedophiles. We want them castrated, branded, not living among us,
Lady goes Gaga over Kitty
I like Lady Gaga a lot. She is probably my favourite female artist of all time. She ticks all the right boxes of daring to
Photos on Facebook versus photos on Google
Here’s a couple of interesting screen-grabs: The first is from Facebook’s terms of service. Basically what they are saying is that anything over which you
X Factor is real, honest
I love a few things about the X Factor. Convenient the cameras were there to record the tears, eh? Firstly, I love the way that
Comminute clouds of knowledge
We were somewhere drinking this absolutely disgusting tasting Cloudy Lemonade. All agreed it was terrible, and so we examined the ingredients list. As one does.
Red poppy, White poppy
I don’t wear a poppy. It is not a sign of disrespect. I just don’t wear anything ever as an indicator of how wonderful I
Not guilty in the Court of corruption
If you were in a Court charged with murder, facing a very serious sentence if you were found guilty, you’d want that trial to be
Meat is yummy
It may surprise my good regular readers to discover that I am vegan. Ok, I’m not vegan. Neither am I vegetarian. I am a healthy
Which way is the bus going?
What you see above is a bus. But which way is it going? Is it travelling from left to right, or right to left?
Yay! The Bag o’ Crap is back
The downside to being a full-on gadget anorak and lover of boys-toys, apart from getting daily emails about the latest toys and ‘tech’ which force
Whatever happened to the ozone layer?
Whatever happened to the fear and wailing about the ‘Ozone Layer’? In the 1970s and 1980s the ozone layer was being depleted and we, yes
Going ‘postal’ about the Royal Mail
Here’s the background: A letter was sent Recorded Delivery from a Post Office on one side of Liverpool to a business on the other side
Respect will kill the gangs
If anything can be done to split-up the gang culture which started in the classroom and school playground under Tony Blair’s leadership and remains in
Hajjcam
Hajj has started. And it’s been modernised. It’s live on Youtube. There is something very calming and somewhat hypnotic about watching the faithful shuffling round
Scientific Heresy
This should be required reading for anybody blindly accepting what they are being told about Climate Change. It is the text from this year’s Angus
Putting pooh in my mouth for 21 days
I’ve just put pooh in my mouth. Pooh, mixed with the puss from the rotting flesh of a thousand zombies. Pooh that won’t go away
Christianity breeds Criminals
Atheists form about 16% of the population of the USA, yet disproportionately form only 0.21% of the prison population. Conclusion: Atheists are more moral than
Google+ is forwards to Facebook’s backwards
Trying to work out or understand why I and 40 Million others remain avid users of Google+ whilst Millions of others also came across to
Would the last radio anorak please turn out the light
It probably was a very long time ago, but it doesn’t feel like a long time ago, that the people I now only know via
Shrines to the alcohol that killed Amy Winehouse
You know those spontaneous shrines that pop up after somebody has died? You see them quite often at the side of the road after somebody has been
I think I might have chucked Chris Moyles
I guess I could be menopausal. It must be me. It must be. Today rather than listen to any more of the Chris Moyles breakfast show
Watching you watching me
Not that I’m sad or anything, but from time to time I take a deeper look at Google Analytics to see what searches are leading
Five reasons why listeners think DJs are unfriendly
1) The fact that the DJ/presenter doesn’t talk to or with them, but talks at them, using a lot of very silly phrases that the
The robots, the robots are coming
There’s an old adage that holds true that you should always keep friends with the security staff in any organisation. This is not so’s they
England's England 