Admitting to Fat Bastard Syndrome

I’m don’t drink alcohol, and when I say I don’t drink alcohol, almost everybody assumes I must be a recovering alcoholic.  I’m not, I just don’t get on with alcohol.  It’s a control thing.

However, I do know recovering alcoholics, and they have discussed with me the various steps they have to go through to face their addiction and do something about it.  Initially, alcoholics will lie to themselves and others about the amount they are drinking, and they won’t see themselves as habitual drunks.  Their self-image is of anything but this.  Admitting it and seeing themselves for who they are is the major battle.  In fact, when talking at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting one of the first things they say is “I am an alcoholic”.

Really and truthfully there is little difference between an alcoholic and a fat bastard.  Fat bastards feel a similar shame and lack of self-worth, and will happily blame everything around them for their condition.  They will lie about the amount they eat, and won’t actually believe that the huge greasy multiple-chinned body they see in photos is actually what they really look like, preferring to blame the camera, the light, the angle.

I recall a doctor friend of mine telling me about a woman who punched him because, after calculating her Body Mass Index (BMI), he delicately showing her on a graph that she was technically clinically obese.  “I ain’t fuckin’ obese you insulting little c*nt!” she shouted before waddling out of his surgery.

See, the problem is that fat bastards just won’t admit they are fat bastards. Those that do, then dissolve into depression, self-loathing and angst and comfort eat in order to deal with it.  Again, the parallels with alcoholism are identical.

So, my message to fat bastards is that there is no shame in saying out loud that you are a fat bastard.  The only way to start to fix it is to admit it and feel at ease with it, at ease with who you are.  Everybody else knows you are a fat bastard even if they are kind and don’t mention it, or say how you’re not ‘that fat’.  Look, the truth is you are a fat bastard, but it’s ok.

Now, some fat bastards who are at ease with their fatness don’t do anything about it.  They accept they are fat and just live with it.  Although this is not the best idea, at least they’re not beating themselves up about it.

Ideally, a fat bastard should be able to say that they are a fat bastard, and feel no guilt or shame.  It is a problem needing to be fixed.  It is no different to a broken leg.  If I broke my leg, I would have no shame about having a broken leg and needing to go through the process of fixing it and doing whatever therapies and exercise was needed in order to bring myself back to normal.  I’d have no shame or guilt when discussing my recuperation with others who don’t have broken legs.  So, why should I feel shame or guilt when I’ve stood up and faced my fat bastardness and have started the process of dealing with it?  I shouldn’t.

Nobody should.  There really is no shame and no guilt about admitting there’s a problem and trying to be less fat.

I’m a fat bastard, and I know why I’m a fat bastard.  It’s because I eat far too much and do far too little.  Every fat bastard is exactly the same, there are no other excuses.  There are only two ways to fix it.  One is to eat less. The other is to do more.  Or maybe a combination of the two.  Those are the only facts.  They are the same facts regardless of who the fat bastard is.  The sooner a fat bastard takes control of this thought, admits it and acts on it, the sooner he or she can start their journey away from being a fat bastard, if that’s what they really want.