Here come the clowns

There was a time when all we really had to worry about was a zombie apocalypse. Zombies slowly shuffling towards us, or us turning the corner to find dozens of them feasting on the brains of their latest victims. Zombies are pretty scary, but they aren’t too menacing. We all know that to kill them; we just shoot them in their head or cut of their head. It’s all about the head.

Zombies can corner you, true, but generally they are a bit stupid and very slow. You know where you are with a zombie.


The Zombie apocalypse has given way to a brand new fear. A fear we are not sure how to deal with.


Fuckin’ sinister fuckin’ menacing clowns. Clowns are suddenly everywhere.

This new danger starts off slow and just looking. Staring at you from the dark shadows. Then it moves slowly towards you, a bit like a zombie but less staggeringly. Then it runs at you. Fast. With something to beat you to a pulp with.

Nobody yet knows how to fight back against these clowns. Or where they are coming from.

Nobody has survived a clown attack. Nobody has confirmed how to kill a clown, assuming they can be killed.

Tonight, as you lay back against your pillow in the darkness, keep one eye open and checking around for clowns in the bedroom. They just silently appear. You are suddenly aware that they are there. Staring.

Check around and make sure there are none watching you. That’s if you don’t want to wake-up dead in the morning.


  1. You seem to have disabled comments on your blog about Iain Dale. I can understand why you would do that. I just wanted to correct you on your further comment about Liverpool topping the UK charts for alcoholism (Blackpool), drugs (Nottingham), guns (Birmingham), violence (Boston, Lincolnshire), domestic violence (Cornwall), obesity (Wirral), unemployability (Rochdale). You see, this is exactly the problem that the people of Liverpool have and why people like you seem to think they go on about the past, etc. The establishment, of which you are sadly now a part (and I say sadly because you used to be a radio pirate??) perpetuate these myths and create narratives that are much more easily digested by people like Iain Dale and you. The Sun newspaper may well have issued apologies, but they were all too late. Journalism has a duty to report the facts and to check those facts. The Sun never did that. Sadly the Internet now gives a platform to people like you who are happy to regurgitate the lies created by the establishment without doing even the simplest Google search. I would urge you to think more positively about the city you live in and to use your blog for good things.


    1. Firstly, comments are disabled automatically on all posts after 6 months. It’s a spam trap thing. The article of which you are fretting is a good few years old.

      Secondly, I report Liverpool as I see it, as it is, despite the threats and intimidation to toe any party line. I am not a journalist. I am a commentator, innit.


      1. I wasn’t trying to threaten or intimidate you to toe a party line. You say you report Liverpool as it is, but I don’t agree. In that list that you gave, Liverpool doesn’t even rate in the top 10 in any section. The car crime capital of the U.K. is Kensington & Chelsea and the other 9 in the top 10 are all in London, but ask a Londoner about Liverpool and they will tell you it’s the car crime capital. This is not “how it is” it’s how you think it is. Liverpool has changed a lot in the last 20 years. Be positive, Chris, look for the good stuff.


        1. As I said, the article is over five years old. Were I writing it today I would reflect the increase in gun crime and anti-social behaviour from the scallies on their stolen dirt bikes. We weren’t suffering so badly back then. And the level of intimidation against The Sun wasn’t as horrific as it is now.


  2. In fact, there’s a challenge. Maybe write a blog about what you like about Liverpool or surprising things about Liverpool? It’s easy to criticise but much harder to praise.


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