Sprinkle when you tinkle

Moan moan moan. I’ve written before about women and their obsession with the toilet seat being up or down, as if they are the only of the sexes with rights over its position.

Some women are so obsessed with men and their use (or supposed mis-use) of toilets that in a work environment I’m aware of, the woman have banned men from what should be a unisex loo.

It’s taken me a good number of years to realise that in addition to their obsession with taking control over the loo, women have a misunderstanding of why men sometimes sprinkle when they tinkle.

Indeed, women don’t even realise that they themselves suffer from the same problem, such is their ignorance of how their wee comes out!

See, commonly women will say, “Can’t you aim straight?” unaware that the aim is completely irrelevant to the path the wee decides to take once leaving the body. As I said, this is true for both ladies and gentlemen. Ladies don’t realise this happens because they don’t watch themselves wee. Yet, their wee sprinkles out into the gap between the seat and the rim of the porcelain of the loo.

Ladies wee-sprinkle leaves this ’strange moisture’ on the underneath of the very seat they expect us men to put our fingers onto in order to lift up out of the way when it’s our turn to wee. Stale lady-wee under the finger-nails is not the nicest thing to have to walk around with, I can tell you.

Anyway, here are the facts that women don’t realise: The urethral orifice moves about and doesn’t always have a clean and circular nozzle to it to direct the wee straight forward. Likewise, there can be obstructions within the urethra itself which cause a swirl which means the wee doesn’t come out straight forward.

When this happens to a sitting woman she just sprinkles all over the place but it’s contained within the bowl and the lower part of her body (apart from the bits that get under the seat ready for a man to put his hand onto), some of it on her thighs and other parts of her ‘under-carriage’.

But, when this happens to a man, it can, to his horror, come out at any angle up to 90 degrees for a few moments. This can be the entire stream or a small sprinkley second stream. Obviously, as he’s standing, this can mean the wee flies off towards any part of the room apart from the toilet receptacle he is standing in front of. Yes, this can mean anywhere. However, it’s most noticed by whinging women when it ends up on the floor in front of the loo, or over the seat or other parts of the toilet. Lordy, they moan about putting their bare feet in our wee, don’t they? Sigh.

Yet, us men are far too polite to make a fuss about the salty fingernail problem they cause us, aren’t we?

3 comments

  1. Ow, that touches a a nerve.

    Years ago I was staying at a friends home when I needed to use the loo during the night. I was a bit drunk, but only to the point where silly ideas seem rather good ones.
    Now, the sound of wee splashing in to the toilet bowl of an otherwise silent house worried my slightly drunk mind. I thought it impolite to wake my hosts in this way, or to perhaps miss the target a little.
    So I first raised the seat and then knelt down and, how can I put this, rested my member over the edge of the bowl and started relieving myself in virtual silence as the wee just ran down the porcelain. I was very pleased with myself and did not think about the noise that flushing the toilet would inevitably make.
    Sadly, I reached out in the half darkness to steady myself and nudged the raised seat, that fell back down. The pain was astonishing.
    I think that the actual spillage problem can be mostly cured by males weeing sitting down, but not kneeling as I did.
    But this is a complex practical and social dilemma and I think it needs many more photographs Chris.

    Peter Moore.

    Oh, if pressed I can tell you a story about a house guest and a fridge door.

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  2. Just browsing through some of your brilliant topics on a slightly hungover boxing day morning when I noticed this reference to “sprinkle before you tinkle.”
    Well I have always maintained that the proplem the ladies have is they have an inside willy!
    Imagine the mess you would get into,being a man,if you were to slip a condom on,thus creating the similarity of an inside willy, before you went to wee!
    I rest my case.
    P.S.
    I think I used to work with that bloke in the photo,back in the 60's

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  3. Sitting seems to be the best solution for all parties involved. It's not like outside where standing is a better alternative.

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