Old radio anoraks are not dying fast enough

I can’t help it.  There’s a devil inside me.  It forces me to poke old radio anoraks with a stick.  I really can’t help it.

My only excuse is that old radio anoraks are, putting it politely and extremely fairly, fucking stupid wankers.  They also all share the annoying habit of still being alive.  True, they are dropping like flies, disappearing from the internet radar either through finally stopping breathing or through slipping into their pre-death vegetative state and being wheeled into god’s waiting room at the home their children have selected for them. So there are a pleasingly smaller number of them each month.  However, there’s still enough of them to give a good poke for being fucking stupid wankers, and this is what I did via my recent article about a Radio Caroline here.

The ‘jet-setting’ sophisticated girl Radio Caroline is for 

Now then, I gave loads of hints as to its origin within my article (like a picture of a t-shirt with ‘New Balls Please’ written on it), but I pointed to an audio stream identifying as Radio Caroline.  After a few days this was picked up on by the old radio anoraks who were then ‘activated’.  My stick poking had worked.

They immediately started foaming at the mouth and blurted out their howls of derision about how dare anybody use the Caroline name, and how it was all a plot to bring the real Radio Caroline into disrepute, despite it not sounding like Radio Caroline in any way.

Straight away they started posting on a message board normally infected with their racist ejaculations, with all the obvious conspiracy theories and baying at the moon and then for blood.  Some even started posting to re-quote parts of christopherengland.com using my glorious name, they were so wound-up.  Yep, that’s a true sign of a successful poke with a stick.

So, what exactly is the ‘fake’ Radio Caroline?  Anybody listening for more than a few songs will hear quite clearly that it is a music stream for fans of the beautiful 21 year old Caroline Wozniacki, the number one WTA tennis player.  Caroline, strangely an avid Liverpool FC fan, has also made the news recently by complaining about the ‘grunt’ noise some female players make, pointing out that she never ‘grunts’.  (F’narr.)

Her fans can listen to the music she likes to listen to via this stream named after her and sent out to the world from servers in her home country of Danmark (in English that’s ‘Denmark’!).

Being 21 she likes modern dance-oriented pop music, as do nearly all 21 year old girls.  Apparently, although I’ve not seen it myself, the stream is a feed to a mobile phone app all about Caroline.  Also, when she is playing matches it provides commentary or results rather than continuous music.

Pre-recorded snippets of Caroline’s voice mentions her fans on the stream, and asks them to make requests, trails a competition during which you can win tickets to see her at a forthcoming match, and hopes everybody is enjoying the music she loves.  Apart from Caroline, there is the usual shouty constipated voice-over man all over the ‘imaging’ that plays between the songs.

Overall it does sound rather good.  Most of the music is up-tempo and the slower chart ballads are not used.  This compares favourably with a lot of the modern British hit music format stations who also play the slow crap.  It’s also something worth listening to at the gym working out or whilst jogging.

In the 1960s, Queen magazine had a profile of a pretend ‘jet-setting’ sophisticated girl in her early 20s called ‘Caroline’ who was their target reader.  The original Radio Caroline was then named after this, and was supposed to be playing all the music that this imaginary Caroline would want to stay tuned to.

In this sense, history has repeated itself and this Danish Radio Caroline is once again reflecting the tastes of a ‘jet-setting’ sophisticated girl in her early 20s called Caroline!  Only, this time it’s a real girl.

I like it, this Radio Caroline.  It’s actually fun like the real Radio Caroline was back in the 1960s and early 1970s.

Horses for course of course, but even though the old radio anoraks much prefer a Radio Caroline aimed at a crinkly and miserable 70 year old grandmother rather than the young girl, there is a need for this kind of fun bubblegum radio.

Not that old radio anoraks would ever understand all this.  That’s why they got so angry about the young and vibrant Caroline Wozniacki’s personal radio station, and why it was so fun poking them with a stick so they could spurt out their prejudices yet again.