Jeez, I really must stop this publishing this Jeez stuff, innit.
Category: Behaviour
Beware of god
Just sayin’.
Behind the photo
I have often wondered how you get rid of those strange squares right below the bottom layer of a picture. I’ve never found out how.
Get outa ma shed
OK, it’s not funny. Well, yes it is funny. It’s hilarious. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel sorry for Amin…
Media has so much to answer for
Yep, media has so much to answer for! However, I believe the evidence is that ‘the internet’ is far more guilty. It lies to those
Your mother wouldn’t like it
So I was strolling around WHSmith. OK, I’d gone in to shelter from the rain. But, it was full of gifts for Mother’s Day. Wow!
Tesla magic roundabout
Science is fun. Mr Tesla made it even more fun. Thanks Tesla, mate. (Check this moving gif if it’s not moving by clicking through to
OMG! Paul McCartney is an imposter
So, we finally get to know the truth. It’s a truth that has been around in rumour and innuendo for decades. It’s the truth about
Does the BBC punish the old and ill?
The Tony Blackburn story continues to confuse and alarm. So, where are we now. Well, Tony’s in St Lucia on a family holiday. After the
The wallpaper from hell
Yes, it’s a pub. But why oh why would anybody sober or drunk knowingly pick this wallpaper? Indeed, why would anybody want to sell it?
It’s political correctness gone mad
There’s always a reason for censorship. And political correctness is one of the worst forms of censorship. It’s used by the left to control us.
‘Cottage’ you say?
I know about ‘cottaging’. Indeed, I don’t see anything wrong with it. Well, apart from it kinda getting in the way of people really really
Cat in a box
What is it with boxes? Whenever a box sees a cat, it instantly wraps itself around it. The box devours the cat with a hunger
The fall of Tony Blackburn
Whilst all around me were haters, I continued to love Tony Blackburn. I first listened to him broadcasting on the pirate station Big L, then
Find the panda
Have you seen him (or her)? How long did it take you to find him (or her)? Pandas are amongst us. But where?
Liverpool gets all CGIed
Liverpool has ancient looking streets and houses. And it’s cheap when it comes to being used by film companies wishing to make period dramas. So,
Attack of the analogue clocks
Have I mentioned before my hatred of analogue clocks? Yes I have! You see, analogue clocks and watches are banned in my life. They make
The new cancer sticks
Round these parts ‘vaping’ is the new method of choice for forcing nicotine onto the lungs and bringing on cancer. E-cigarettes, or ‘vapes’, are openly
Time to ban books
Books are made by killing trees, shaving them and inking them. What a bastard thing to do. But, hey that’s typical of the lefties who
Empire druggies strike back
Aren’t Liverpool’s Druggies and Alcoholics wonderful? Here’s a couple having a glorious time, having moved into the doorway of the Empire Theatre. Their belongings, along
Goodbye 2015, Hello 2015S
Why is Apple so always out of step with reality? I doubt things will normalise in 2016!
It’s eating into all our brains
Have you felt the anger? The despair? The seething? By now you should be feeling it. It’s slowly spreading across the UK. The helplessness. The
One for audio anoraks
Damn these other species that can see and hear stuff we can’t.
Look into my eyes
Get yourself to a big screen. Concentrate. Spend a few minutes letting your mind clear of everything that makes it busy. Stare into the eyes
Round and round
You ever get one of those days when you are so busy chasing yourself around the house that you just step over all the bodies?
Please only put toilet tissue down the toilet
Yep, it says, “Please only put toilet tissue down the toilet”. To comply, I carefully used my bare hands to scoop up the rather runny
What about March 20th?
Why all the religious fuss about December 25th? I mean, it was an ancient pagan festival that the Christians later ‘stole’ and converted into a
Dog versus Cat
Heh heh heh.
The same truth
Nope. There are some people who believe that there’s some kind of a great awakening happening. But there isn’t. Druggies and those whose mental processes
Why all these dildos in the mouth?
Why are so many people walking around with mouth-willies? Mouth-willies, you know, a plastic penis that you keep slipping in and out of your mouth
OMG, Wikileaks kills Christmas
This is terrible news. Absolutely terrible news. Not only have the naughty list and nice list been stolen, but they’ve been part released on Wikileaks.
It had to be done
Yes, it had to be done. It wasn’t me. Nobody saw me do it. I mean, why would I deface a notice? But, it had
God confusion
Maybe. Just maybe. Maybe god was scared of the Pharaoh? No? Ok, you explain it…!
Which are the actual sheeple, eh?
No, I’m the only conscious human in a world of sheep. I really am. It’s not you, it’s me.
Father Christophermas part thirteen
Well, Christmas Eve is the last day that Father Christmas is available to be visited by the boys and girls of the world. Christmas Eve
Father Christophermas part twelve
Aha. Today all the mastic and the 10 minutes of carefully putting my Father Christmas beard in place and making sure it is properly glued
Father Christophermas part eleven
A pattern emerged at the beginning of the month. Very young children and babies would come to visit Father Christmas before about 3pm, and definitely in the
Father Christophermas part ten
Disaster! My Elf has gone sick. She was spluttering a bit yesterday and seemed less than her usual, er, elf, and so today is staying
Father Christophermas part nine
Spending all day in a grotto dressed as Father Christmas is having its toll. It was only a few weeks before this that I was
Father Christophermas part eight
I’m still Father Christmas sitting in a grotto. Yes I am! Four kids came in together today. I don’t think they were brothers and sisters.
Father Christophermas part seven
A ‘grandfather’ was wheeled into my grotto. Wheelchair bound, he was accompanied by about 10 others. There were different generations all gathered together, most making
Father Christophermas part six
There are only a few different types of parents or grandparents. And, it’s mainly grandparents that are the awful pushy ones. Parents maybe less so.
Father Christophermas part five
There are only a few different types of parents or grandparents. And, it’s mainly grandparents that are the awful pushy ones. Parents maybe less so.
Father Christophermas part four
As a Liverpudlian Father Christmas, I’m starting to notice that every child has one of a small selection of names. Why is nearly every boy
Father Christophermas part three
Suited and booted, bearded and wigged, I am now Father Christmas. A grotto had been found for me, and day one was to consist of
Father Christophermas part two
How hard can it be dressing up as Father Christmas and working in a Grotto? It must be dead easy, right? Sigh. The first thing
Father Christophermas part one
I think telling kids that Father Christmas exists is child abuse. Period. I believe it is cruel. I believe it should be outlawed and any
Be like Jeremy
This is Jeremy. Jeremy believes that ISIS and other terrorists are our friends and comrades. Jeremy wants to chat with them about their stronger points.
Clockwork brains are mental
I’ve studied this moving gif (If it’s not moving for you, click through to a platform that shows moving gifs) for a while. I think it’s
The clouds have knitting needles
Wow, look at what my bedside radio recently told me was happening weather-wise. Liverpool was facing knitting needles being shot from the clouds. Actual white
The war on religion
Ah. Lordy. It’s nearly December. And that means Christmas. The pretend day when Jesus Christ died. Or was it when he was supposedly born? I
Poor Dr Hedgehog
I mean, it must have been all but impossible to pass up the opportunity…
As easy as riding a bike
I mean, everybody and anybody can ride a bike … right?
Hey, all you haters, hate this
So, I write stuff. Sometimes I write stuff because I am expressing my opinion on a subject. Sometimes I write stuff because I’m on a
The cause of global warming
I saw this today but I haven’t had a chance to confirm it: Global warming The Arctic Ocean is warming up, icebergs are growing scarcer
Why was a murderer allowed out so early?
13 years on from 2002 is, well, 2015. And it was in 2002 that the murderer of Glynn Ellis (I never use a murderer’s actual
The Royal that hates humanity
There’s something a little bit evil and twisted about the older members of our Royal Family isn’t there? I don’t mean that they are really
Sugar is the enemy!
Whilst the UK enters its latest paranoia, this time about sugar, it’s unusual to see sugar leading the boast of a tag line. This can
What the truckers saw
The last 10 kilometres or so on the run up to Calais is terrible. Frightening even. Here is a typical day videoed by one Hungarian
An ‘armless joke
Snigger Snigger.
Fruity banana is no excuse
In these politically correct times it is illegal to find humour with the subject of ‘flashing’. I mean, real flashing is of course, not funny.
Why are humans so easy to hypnotise and manipulate?
Most conspiracy theories seem to be enjoyed and believed by drug users. With the extensive and regular taking of their recreational drugs, the side effects
The most powerful words of all
Antoine Leiris lost his wife in the Bataclan club. On Monday, he posted a message on Facebook. This is what he said: (Watch the video)
You don’t die immediately you are shot
This is extremely gory. I am not writing it to offend. If the description of the process of dying from bullet wounds is likely to
Murdering people you don’t know
The sheer numbers murdered and maimed in Paris is what exactly? 481. Maybe more. Definitely more. When you add to that 481 number the immediate
Doing the right thing
Maybe if people stopped trying to shut out others by busily identifying themselves as part of smaller groups, we could all live together as one
Political correctness gone mad
– Boom tish.
Slag Wellies
Good on the Brick Lane Coffee shop for taking a stand against Ugg boots. But ugg boots in Brick Lane? Surely Brick Lane is reserved
Stop the Facebook Freebooting
Freebooting is the name given to the stealing of Youtube videos and re-uploading them to Facebook in order to make money for Facebook (obvs) and
Burning infidel technology
Human beings, eh? Mental.
The KKK is Anonymous is the KKK
The Klu Klux Klan (KKK) (on the right). Anonymous (on the left). Is there any difference? No, not really. Let’s examine each of them and
Missile over California
So the US Navy wanted to fire a test missile. Just a dummy missile. The accent is on the word ‘test’. Above the sea off
TFI Millionaire wank-fest
I’m late to the party, but I’ve just watched the first episode of the ‘return’ of the once iconic music and chat show ‘TFI Friday’.
The global warming inconvenient truth
When are the lies and misinformation going to stop? They are even altering historical temperature records to try to make it true. Yet, no detectable
Time to replace Big Ben
What is the point of maintaining all the works and old fashioned gizmos that whirl round and click and tick in order for the clock
This actually happened
This actually happened and is still happening as they evolve. And these guys have beef with us.
The great ‘fog’ mask of 2015
There was a man-made blanket of ‘fog’ over the UK up to today when it started to clear. But what was it there to hide?
My Pumpkin Mocha
So, the line in the large Starbucks secretly built under the stairs in Liverpool One takes forever. Why is it always the case that in all coffee shops
A mole on my willy
Ok. Sigh. I have to come out and say that I have a mole at the end of my willy. I know. I know. I’m
That terrible Facebook Skunk cocktail
Anybody watching an episode of the Jeremy Kyle Show will know that we currently face a toxic combination; Facebork and Skunk. Together they are eating
Everything tastes like chicken
So then. Should I eat it or should I give it to the cat? (I ate it. It was yum!)
Will candles save me from freezing to death?
Candles. I discovered a load of candles. Ancient candles that would sit majestically inside long lost fancy candle stick holders. Clinging to the wax was
And what is the Climate Change Solution?
Why oh why would anybody hold up a banner that they couldn’t explain? Is this really a new kind of stupid? Is this really how
Meet the other half
Most Scouse females are addicted to fake tan or burning themselves to a crisp with cancer inducing tanning tubes. They do this along with removing
What’s all the blessing about?
I know they mean well, but when I sneeze a number of people will automatically respond with, “Bless you!”. They then expect me to say,
Proof that your brain hates you
One of many brilliant cartoons from theoatmeal.com that made me lol. If you have a few moments or longer to spare, check out Matthew Inman’s wonderful
There’s nothing wrong with UK Sharia law
There’s nothing wrong with Sharia law in Britain if that’s what the locals want, surely? How can it be wrong for the people of, for
Old were young
Young people look at old people as if they are space aliens. For some reason they don’t realise that they are looking at their future.
Radio Caroline’s DA Box
This article was originally written in the 1990s. I republish it here to bring you up to speed with the truth behind Radio Caroline. The
ReligiON versus ReligiOFF
Defo when Religi is turned off the view is far more exciting and full of wonderment. More people need to turn it off.
Caroline bell liberated from false idol?
News finally reaches me that I found almost impossible to comprehend. It was so shocking and horrific that I was stopped in my tracks when
Cat racing
My money’s on Number 1. Yours?
Uber is really the new Knowledge
Four million years ago people realised they could make a living ferrying people around London in exchange for money. This mutated into the ‘taxicab‘ network
How to build a computer so cheaply
This is so easy and can save ££££s and it only takes a few minutes. I mean, what is the point of buying a new
Mass Murder in the USA
The most dangerous place to be in America is attending a place of learning. Statistically it’s extremely likely that the place of learning will at
Men Cooking
Why is it that there’s now a whole generation that have no idea what their kitchen is for? Well, they think it’s a place where
The avoiding the commercials skill
I don’t watch much telly. I never watch any of the soaps, evah. Likewise I don’t watch the pretend quizzes and talent shows, especially the
How to weigh yourself
And it’s a good exercise too. What’s not to like about this way of weighing?
England's England 