Tony Blair and David Cameron somehow ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber,
Some pots to piss in
Erm. These are urinals. You know, those things men point their penises towards when wishing to do a wee-wee. Well, three look perfectly usual. But
Where’s Wally?
I like to keep the posts here to ‘one a day’. Now, I have to explain that I’m a bit of a naughty boy. You
The tale of the whip antenna
My lovely lady and I were making passionate love in the back of one of my work’s vans. These things happen, ok? It had been
Life on Mars?
(Did ‘Curiosity’ meet this guy on Mars?) Cor, ‘something‘ exciting is about to happen. ‘Something‘ has been discovered on Mars. ‘Something‘ that they are not
The sexist Church of England
It seems that women are not allowed to be Bishops. This is within one of the versions of Christianity named after me, the Church of
Word up on the Word Salad
There is an excellent episode of the superbly funny mid-2000s series Boston Legal during which one of the lead characters, a high profile lawyer, suddenly
Death of the terrorists
Hey look. It’s a few of the evil terrorists from Gaza that Israel has just successfully executed. Cool! Aren’t you so glad you support their
The bravery of the innocent of Gaza
This is outrageous footage. What a difference there is between the victims of the current masacre in Gaza, and the wailing faux frightened in Israel.
Time to reject the hard-wired support for Israel
For most people in the UK, who we are and what we think is pretty much pre-written and pre-designed. We are actually quite ignorant of
Why limit the speed?
I think the whole way we deal with speed limits in the UK is flawed and wrong. It was, after all, all set up back
Desert Island Scouser
One day a Scouser (that’s a man from Liverpool) decided to retire, having made his fortune from selling skunk. He booked himself on a Caribbean
They want YOU dead
I don’t want to worry you too much, but here’s some scary quotes for you. The quotes appear to be from highly funded ‘greenies’ who
The BBC’s Climate Change Agenda exposed
I’ve mentioned before that there’s recently been huge resistance by the BBC to a Freedom of Information Act request for the list of 28 external
Radio Caroline’s Massive Announcement
There are a number of fora and places to go for radio industry enthusiasts. These places are ideal for the dwindling number of radio industry
Red poppy, White poppy
I don’t wear a poppy. It is not a sign of disrespect. I just don’t wear anything ever as an indicator of how wonderful I
The anger of the religious
Why are the people suffering from religion so angry all the time? (An angry bird) It seems to be that the more inflicted and under
How broken is the BBC?
The BBC is a strange institution. It should be brilliant. The concept is a good one. But the BBC is broken. In the words of
The British infatuation with a dying super power
I bet nobody in America cares or gives a toss when it’s our election day here in the UK. I bet none of the mainstream
That moment of male ecstacy
He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face. His wife, her heart pounding, her face flushed, moved slowly and gently, forwards, then
How likely is my Bluetooth headset to work again?
NB: Not my Bluetooth headset. Not even my face, honest. The additional information you need: It fell off my ear and into the loo. It
When a woman is less important than a pet dog
The majority of the world sees the female human as a piece of property, a commodity, and certainly anything but an equal. In these societies
Should porn be a deal breaker?
I was reading on Twitter the protestations of a lady I suspect is a little inexperienced in life and this world. She announced that she
Stop these bastard Segues
The ‘segue’ (pronounced ‘seg-way’) when applied to songs on the radio used to mean carefully playing one song after another with them intermingling as one
Do you love me?
I’m guessing that the 1950s and 1960s were simpler times. The lyrics go, “Do you love me now that I can dance?” Yep, life was
The day I nearly made toast of a major superstore
People like toast. I like toast. Toast smells nice. Mid-mornings people want toast. So, we bought a toaster. Rather, I was sent out to buy
Happy Halloween
Let’s hope you get a full moon tonight… ~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
A radio station for life
Every decade or so, both BBC Radio 1 and BBC Radio 2 upset their cling-on audiences. Both stations have a remit as to whom they
Important facts mainly about animals
Bored? Here’s some stuff to tell your work colleagues. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough
Avoiding Asians
If you consider the last few months and think about the unsolicited calls to your front door. Or if you think about the majority of
It’s the way I tell ’em…
The Grim Reaper came for me last night.I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.Talk about Dyson with death. A mate of mine recently admitted
Felix Baumgar survived despite his Mission Controller
How Felix Baumgar managed to actually survive his 40 kilometre (24 mile) freefall I just don’t understand. (Note the name on the capsule to avoid
Real man’s Engineering Guide
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
Am I allowed to say this?
(A guest article written by Peter Moore) In March 2010 a young man was stabbed and beaten to death in Victoria Station, London, during the
The bald headed man with a wooden leg
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Christmas fancy-dress party. He doesn’t know what to wear to hide
Save the children from the religion virus
We’ve discussed before how the two/three main Middle Eastern born religion viruses are using infected humans and their battleground is anywhere on planet Earth (here).
Me and my Satnav
I have a little SatnavIt sits there in my carA Satnav is a driver’s friendIt tells you where you areI have a little SatnavI’ve had
Do you ignore the inter-dimensional beings too?
I’ve never understood why humans generally don’t discuss what happens to them at night. I can only assume it’s because they are in denial. The
Homogenising the temperature
There seems to be a strange habit going on when it comes to temperature records. Let me explain. A temperature record starts off being a
It’s time for demos!
From repealtheact.org.uk: Thursday 10AM 18 October 2012 in London HM Treasury 1 Horse Guards Road, London SW1A 2HQ Rally outside HM Treasury at 10 am
More old people set to die this winter from the cold
Fuel bills are set to go up yet again this Christmas as we, the consumers, have to pay the enormous subsidy the operators of the
Using phones during a performance
Further to my article about Cinema Ninjas (here), I was sent the following transcript of an actual conversation between an usher and a theatre goer:
We need more guns on Liverpool’s streets
One of the charms of Liverpool is its gun crime. Guns are normally owned and used by the Scousers with sticky-out ears against other Scousers
In search of April
There is something uniquely and brilliantly wonderful about human beings in a group sometimes. When 5 year old April Jones disappeared, people came from far
Depression by Influenza
Well, it’s 9 in the morning. The nurse who thought I was the 77 year old with the same first name but similar yet different
I got me a tattoo
Yay!I’ve joined the ranks of the mad people who bow down to ‘ink’.I was very concerned about exactly what sort of tattoo I should get.I
The legacy of Euronet
I’ve mentioned before the satellite radio station “Euronet” which I programmed back in 1992/1993. Remember? No? Well it’s all here. What a fantastic radio station.
Sweetie-wrapper-gate
I don’t walk around naked all the time, honest. I’d been in the bath, and had spent the last 20 minutes of my soak really
Cinderella at 95 years old
Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by
Most community radio is doomed to fail
Recently, a ‘community’ radio station for Southport spent a week or so broadcasting as a pirate. Dune FM lost its broadcasting licence, after being dogged
Postman Pat’s last day
It was Postman Pat’s last day on the job after 50 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns. When he
Pirates still rule the waves
Have I mentioned before that I own one-and-a-half radio stations? Well, I do. They are internet radio stations playing variations of dance music (what other
Did humans come from Mars?
We’ve already learnt so much from our lovely little Mars Science Laboratory trundling around on Mars. Ultimately, what exactly is it that Curiosity will tell
Cinema Ninjas
One of the main reasons that I virtually never go to the ordinary cinemas any more – and I’m not alone in this – is
The advance of the Lindt Gold bunnies
You know how they use old china dolls as a scary device in horror movies? You know how looking at the faces on certain old
The people’s millionaire
It’s very likely that you, dear reader, will never know the life of a millionaire. Much as you hope that you’ll win the lottery or
We are the Walrus
Liverpool is about to enter a new era in paying for bus and train travel. Liverpool is about to enter the era of the Walrus.
When true love is like being on heroin
People have pre-conceived ideas about Megan Stammers and Jeremy Forrest. She was the 15 year old schoolgirl and he was the 30 year old maths
Wot no pirate radio for Liverpool?
Coming from London, a city within which it is perfectly normal for over 60% of the radio stations available to be unlicensed, my move to
A very lucky escape
How’s this for the luckiest escape ever. Look at the picture above and you can see where this driver broke through the guardrail, on the
The saddest Radio Caroline legacy = the anorak
One of the saddest legacies of the offshore pop pirates of 50 years ago is the radio enthusiast known as an ‘anorak’. Whilst the modern
The long wave goodbye to Long Wave
The BBC operates an outlet of Radio 4 on 198kHz Long Wave. In the recent cut-back announcements, mention was made of running the facility down.
Nick Grimshaw isn’t too grim
So then. After a week of Scott Mills holding the fort, Monday arrived and at 6:30 in the morning #teamgrimmy took the reins trying to
Culling the over 30s from Radio 1
The axing of Chris Moyles from the breakfast show came as a response to the need to attract a younger audience. BBC Radio 1‘s remit
They thought they saw meteorites
Catastrophe. What a catastrophe. One of our supply ships on its way into this planet’s atmosphere had to be blown-up last night. It had been
Being 19 years old forever
I have a theory about being 19 years old. My theory is that at 19 one is in one’s prime with regard to taking a
Things are looking up
So then. You are feeling shut in and all stressed. You decide to leave your office and take some air. You look up and are
Thatcher the milk snatcher
The hatred for Margaret Thatcher in Liverpool continues to this day. It’s hilarious. Talking to anybody in their 50s or above, it’s not long before
Post traumatic breakfast show syndrome
Arthur Scargill. Now there’s a name from the past. But, I seem to recall reading somewhere, ages and ages ago, that when the miners’ strike
No, you’re an idiot!
An idiot spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND.” The idiot spends the next 2 hours trying to
The long non-song after a few songs
Many years ago before the mp3 was invented and the ability to ‘segue’ songs (play them one after the other with no silence inbetween) became
Instant Karma’s going to get ya
What we really need is plenty more of these high curbs in the path of the thieves and robbers in this world… ~ ~ There’s plenty more,
The Chris Moyles Show: gone but not forgotten
So, that’s it then. The era of ‘The Chris Moyles Show‘ being the Radio 1 breakfast show is now a fixed point in history. The
The Innocence of Muslims
So let me get this right. I need to fully understand it. Somebody makes a crap movie that insults the prophet Muhammad and depicts Islamic extremists
Shhh! – The Sun’s gone all quiet
Mercury, Venus & Earth all in front of the Sun, ok? Imagine that you are a microbe living on a chicken. Imagine that chicken is
The Ross Revenge is MY Precious
Radio anoraks are dangerous things. Especially the old ones. Now then, a typical old style radio anorak will love and worship any radio station that
Your moral guide
I am a Pat Condell fan. He intermittently places videos on Youtube (here) that only sometimes annoy me, but usually have me saying, “Right on,
Drunks are neither fun nor funny
I was at a meeting the other day, maybe the sixth and last of a number we had all had together. Most of us hadn’t
Chris Moyles: 5 more to go
The BBC Radio 1 Breakfast Show host Chris Moyles starts his 5th to last show tomorrow (Monday) at 6:30am. By Friday it’ll all be over
Wot no Fish?
Liverpool still keeps on with its pretence of having Fish and Chips shops when it actually has none. Now then, when I lived in London,
The climate is finally changing
Something interesting is happening in the world of the climate change religion. It seems that politicians are no longer being fooled. Where Obama once led
The first Universal Truth
A lot of people say that Christopher England is from another planet. I’ve no idea how they found out, but hey, humans miss out on
Have you met a time traveller?
So, it has to be asked; How can you tell if somebody is a time traveller from the future? Well, I’m glad you asked. You
Is The X Factor losing its?
You can tell it’s Autumn. The X Factor is on TV. Simon Cowell takes control of Saturday nights from now until 2013, it’s the law.
Obsessives cannot be allowed to scare us
It’s two years ago this week that 43 year old eco-terrorist James J Lee was shot dead in order to help release the three hostages
The ‘special personal attention mail’ folder
My life is sorted. Thanks to some kind people who I didn’t know before going through a folder in my email system called ‘Spam’, my
Too many pretend Scousers out there
Everybody’s heard of ‘Irish Stew’, right? Most have heard of ‘Lancashire Hot Pot’. In Liverpool, the land of one syllable, a variation on this stew of
Diana, Princess of Wales
So it’s 15 years since Diana, Princess of Wales died. Like a fox being chased into its hole she got the ultimate ‘papping’. At the
The old lady, little Johnny, penguin, and fisherman
The Old LadyAn old lady walks into a plastic surgeon’s office and asks about a facelift. “Well madam we have 3 types we are offering,
You have 10 minutes
I have many talents. My people skills are not necessarily the better of my talents. Almost without exception, people annoy me. People I work with
Equality or not?
So… a lot of the job application forms, mainly those put out by the politically correct luvvies that run the public sector, suggest that applicants
Proof the radio anoraks are sick in the head
A curious thing just happened. For a little while I thought I’d found a timeslip or a worm-hole into the past. You see, I was
Teaching an old dog new words
The son of a sheep farmer from very rural Wales went off to University. Halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his
What’s the point of a record collection?
Why do people bother buying and hoarding things like films, DVDs, CDs, mp3s, etc., etc.? It seems to be quite a pointless and old fashioned
A stag too far
Photoshop and the various other chopping and changing packages mean that nothing ever has to originally be as it now seems. But, for sake of argument,
The Capability of Nick Clegg
Nick Clegg walked into a branch of very well known High Street bank to cash a cheque. As he approached the cashier he said, “Good
Legitimate Rape
Much has been written about the completely ignorant Christian politician Todd Akin who described an event as being ‘Legitimate Rape’ and how in this case
Will the foamers force AM transmitters to stay on?
How will the BBC protect itself from the mad protesting brigade of foamers? They are highly organised and have networks barking out to letters pages
A perspective on the fear of the end of the world
This is really good. It’s an article elsewhere I’m pointing you towards. It’s written by Matt Ridley, and it makes that journey of discovery through
The day the cult religious broadcasts died
August 19th, 1989 is 23 earth years ago. Sigh. It’s also a radio anorak anniversary to be marked with black armbands (but only by radio
England's England 