Aren’t instruction leaflets wonderful? Especially if they are written in English by people who don’t use English as their native tongue. An Android tablet (can’t
Well done all of us
I don’t like any sport. I’m not unique in this. There are many people who seriously have no interest in any sport. Yet for each
Jack off about radio station imaging
I recently wrote about how radio station bosses have deliberately destroyed the public enjoyment of the work of the radio DJ (here). The ultimate purpose
How Facebook won’t let you die
One of the ‘problems’ with Facebook is that when a person dies they don’t die. I was reminded of this a few hours ago when
OMG! It’s August the 14th … all over again!
I’m an anorak’s wet dream, I am. Jeeez. Spare me. It’s August the 14th. Noooooooooo. Back in 1967 this was the day that all the
The need for a human-being delete button
I was going in to Liverpool Lime Street station to see somebody off on their train when I happened upon one of the many drunks/druggies
The Barking Frog
There’s fine dining and there’s foodie eating. Fine dining is reserved for those with far much more money than taste buds. The ploy with fine
I Guess We All Knew
(A guest article written by Peter Moore) A 12 year old girl goes shopping and fails to return, quite plausible. Maybe she has a secret
Tidy desk? – Nothing to do!
(Not me, not my desk, not even slightly similar. Honest.) I like my desk untidy. It’s MY desk with MY things on it and nobody
What is it that housewives do all day?
A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers
Our expanding minds versus the car-jacking goat
I am an anorak of space, the final frontier. I have therefore been excitedly watching, listening and reading the daily summaries coming from NASA about
Saturday morning golf
A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One transferred to another city. It wasn’t the same without him.
Most fans of ‘celebs’ are maaaad
I was talking to somebody very famous the other day. There are very few modern day ‘celebs’ from the weird world of the soap operas
Radio station bosses teach listeners to hate radio DJs
Jack FM is a music-radio format devised in America and, owing to our lack of originality in the UK, copied in its original form wholesale.
Let’s make ‘grassing’ cool
‘Grassing’ is good. No, honest, it’s good to be a ‘grass’. It’s only those who are doing something wrong that want you to believe that
The scum that waits for the hand-out I’ve paid for
Sometimes I work 20 hour days. Sometimes I work unsocial hours. Sometimes I’m forced to spend time away from home. In return for this, I
Global Warming is melting street lights. Not.
It’s been 46 degrees Celsius in parts of America. That’s hot. Very hot. But, hey, that’s the weather. It does that. It gets hot. It gets cold.
Time to switch off wasteful TV ‘broadcasting’
There seems to be a bit of wailing and banging of heads out there within the radio and techie anorak fraternity about the idea put
Radio on the TV
“People just don’t listen to the radio via their TVs!” That’s something I’m told on a regular basis by people who really need to get
You just lost the game
Rule 1: You are playing The Game.You, along with everyone else in the world, always is, always has been, and always will be playing The Game.
Why is smaller cheaper than bigger?
There is a logic that says the more I buy the cheaper things should get. In theory, buying 200 apples should cost me less per
The Golfer and the Leprechaun
A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a
Don’t fear the songs
I don’t go on about it, but I own one and a half internet radio stations. I started off helping out and so owning a
Living in Brian’s shadow
A man walked out to the street and hailed a taxi that was just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said,
Poverty? It’s all part of the global-warmists plan
Ok, mainstream news media, tell me something we don’t know. What’s that you say? People across the UK are plummeting into poverty? No shit, Sherlock. The problem
Olympics? Just another East London night
Yep, the 2012 Olympics are in East London. Yet, the 100m final will be just like any normal Friday night in East London. You’ll hear
Wot no Liverpool pirate radio?
Coming from London, a city within which it is perfectly normal for over 60% of the radio stations available to be unlicensed, my move to
Introducing Engineers
Some people don’t understand the engineering mind, so here are some short tales to help: Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when
The greateee Home and Bargain mystery
As a trainee Liverpudlian, with all my ‘down south’ heritage (as they call it, being as we southerners all sound the same to them regardless
That moment when you learn about your girlfriend
A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles, something she just loved
Free cash for all
Surely this has to be one of the biggest lies of the recent evil Bankers years. These machines quite plainly tell you that they issue
CCTV should be everywhere
The entire country should be covered in CCTV cameras. Their output should be fed back to a huge central processing centre, and from here everything
The religion virus has to wither away
The dominant warring religion viruses, born of the inbred desert tribes of the Middle East thousands of years ago, are destined to use the humans
The curse of interfering ‘ex-pat’ mentality
Despite having spent most of my grown-up life in London, and most of my childhood in a mixture of Ghana, South Wales, and in and
Unhappy Muslims
I get mail. People send me things. I recently got sent this: The Muslims are not happy! They’re not happy in Gaza.They’re not happy in
I was a real nowhere man
I can’t tell you where I’ve been. I can’t tell you how I got there. I can’t tell you how I got back. I can’t
Freak Out Fun
This is old, yes, but compiled together as an hour’s worth of pure Freak Out fun. Here’s the set up: Jack has a video camera.
The Chris Moyles Show will reign until September
In early 1997 I blogged about Chris Moyles, saying: Must say a word or two about Chris Moyles’ Late Bit on Capital 95.8 FM in
Around the world with two cows
You have two cows. What happens next depends on where you are and how your economic system works. Read on. SOCIALISM You have two
Britain after Scotland leaves us
The people of Scotland no longer wish to be British. Well, ok, some of the people of Scotland no longer wish to be British. They
Science is the future
Not only do we need children to explore and understand the investigative scientific process, but we need them to write the games rather than play
The Global Warming Hoax is melting
Weather and climate are funny things, aren’t they? Our climate across the UK and North America is largely dependant on these massive great big fat
What If?
We all worry about our destiny. In this respect, we are all born blind, but as we age we realise that the curse of knowing
So nobody’s using Google+ eh?
I keep being told that nobody is using Google+. I keep being told this by people who, for some obscure reason, seem to think that
God’s hiding place found in a boson
A Higgs-Boson walks into a Catholic church. The priest shouts, “We don’t allow Higgs-Bosons in here.” The Higgs-Boson replies, “But without me, how can you
The centre of the community is the Job Centre
I was sitting in an unmarked van parked adjacent to a North Liverpool Job Centre Plus building. Next to the van, but not connected with
The mugger the mob wanted freed
Here’s the thing. I was strolling through a part of the centre of Liverpool, when I happened upon a small crowd surrounding two people. “Let
It’s raining sand, or is it?
Weather is an interesting thing. Well, ok, for most of the world it isn’t, but for those of us who live with a variable jet-stream above us
The coke machine that occupies our green room
We have a fairly large room that nobody goes into for very long. It is referred to as ‘the green room’, not because it’s green,
Australians forced into fuel poverty
Tomorrow, July 1st 2012, Australians have to start paying a very silly tax. It’s called a Carbon tax. It’s weird that it’s called a ‘carbon’
Google+, Twitter and Facebook help find missing girl
A couple of days ago, Karl woke up and realised that his 13 year old daughter Jessica had gone missing from their Taunton, Somerset home.
The broadcasting pioneers didn’t have Media Degrees
People end up being where they are more by accident than design. A lot of the people who are the living success stories around us
Why are there news programmes on BBC1?
I don’t understand why there is a news sequence on BBC1 television. They have a news sequence starting at 1pm then 6pm and another one
The Queen visits Northern Ireland
Today/tomorrow, there’s a historic ‘handshake’ between the IRA leader Martin McGuinness and Her Majesty the Queen of the country he used to murder people within…
The mobile phone is killing real life experiences
Why doesn’t anybody actually watch anything any more? I mean, once upon a time one sat at the cinema or theatre and allowed the director
Should gays be allowed to marry?
Recently, a protracted conversation broke out via Google+ (here) between myself and Simon, after I made the bold statement “Those god-botherers really must stop interfering
A mention of Mensch’s //Menshn
I like those who are slightly ‘mad’, dare to be different and maybe end up appearing quirky or eccentric whilst working in jobs that require
Never Seconds raises over £100,000
I’m going to have to break cover about my latest anorak addiction. It’s nine year old Martha Payne (and probably her dad, Dave). So, there’s
Posing with motorbikes can be dangerous
Hey, I don’t think I’d want to buy his bike after this. Would you? ~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on
8 out of 10 fat-cat celebrities
I like Jimmy Carr. He mainly makes me laugh. His comedy is a little bit close to the edge, yes, but that’s much better than
Nobody’s fleeing Climate Change
As the free thinking world wakes more and more to the whole Climate Change scam – the pretending that a) the Climate is in some
Ghoulish Musicals about tragedy
Liverpool’s old Empire theatre was recently host to a local amateur production of Titanic – The Musical. Nothing against the quality of this particular production or anything
Where are the real Radio Caroline ‘fans’?
Once upon a time radio audiences were measurable in their millions. This would include the audiences for offshore radio stations like Radio Caroline. Certainly during
Religion’s cruelty over gay marriage
I’m not gay but my boyfriend is. Ok, that’s that old straight man’s joke. But, I’m not gay. Well, not yet. I’ve said it before,
The first law of Tony Blackburn
There are some things in this world that are scientific constants. Night follows Day follows Night follows Day. Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring, Summer, Autumn,
Water water everywhere but…
When the water companies tell us there’s a ‘hosepipe ban’, does that mean we can’t use a hosepipe to try to pump out the large
Man is to blame and so must be controlled
Yesterday I published an email (here) all about the poor unfortunate soul who has been fired from the University at which he teaches. They refuse
They’ve started to fire climate change sceptics
This email from Gordon Fulks: Hello Everyone, In theory at least Oregon State University (OSU) seems to be a bastion of academic freedom, diversity, and tolerance.
How to start a pirate radio station in London
At almost any location in London, and any time of day, even the deafest of FM radios will be able to hear between 30 and
Christianity breeds criminals
Atheists form about 16% of the population of the USA, yet disproportionately form only 0.21% of the prison population. Conclusion: Atheists are more moral than
It’s just a little Touch
Having now seen all of Series (Season) One of ‘Touch‘ (via Sky One in the UK), I think I’m hooked. Yet, damnit, I’m hooked at
King Arthur and what women really want
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and
Tie = Lie = so that you buy
Body language is a funny thing. Through it, you can supposedly tell all you want to know about a person. But there are some people
Shiny-shiny video calling
Choices are not allowed under communism. Basic freedoms are removed in favour of a one-size-fits-all society. Individuality and self expression are frowned upon with extreme
Historic temperatures just keep getting colder
History is a very strange reality. You’d kind of imagine ‘history’ was based on facts, based on the records of the time, based on the
Fire the coke heads!
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
Gemma Cairney is your annoying little sister
So. You’re been out all night doing some serious partying. You reach home and are in serious need of chill out time. The world needs
The men who can’t stand their wives
(Not my bed; Not my ladies) I’m currently writing this whilst enjoying an afternoon in bed with three ladies. Not that I like to boast
The ghost of the Euronet non-Party
Ok, here’s the thing: A lot of people have asked to hear the world famous Euronet non-party broadcast from 1992 that I last spoke of
Eating meat and nice desserts is good for you!
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
Hit the road, Jack
Whilst radio presenters dress up in ill-fitting posh frocs and pat themselves on their backs at the rather incestuous ‘Sony Awards’ (a kind of really cheap
The Polar Bear that was never there
A lot of people create pictures from Photoshop, compiling from different images they have, and they allow their glorious and quite striking results to be
My day in a confessional box
I popped into the newsagents to get some chocolate and stood behind a priest. He was saying to the shopkeeper how he needed somebody to
Breath-test car start
I recently laughed out loud at some drunk and drugged driver who killed herself by, well, being drunk and drugged and unable to control her
Wear a boot on your head for man-made global warming
So, in Chicago they’ve just had the Seventh Annual International Climate Change Conference. This event is a somewhat sceptical event, drawing together those who are
How old we were 20 years ago on Euronet
Well then. If you read my previous missive about Euronet, the radio station THEY wouldn’t allow to party (here), you’ll have noted that I didn’t
Driving drunk and drugged
At 6 in the morning on New Year’s Day, 19 year old Sasha Jarvis was driving herself and her mate Sian Lloyd Davies in her
19 White Dogs
Yep. 19 white dogs. Count them. Honest. 19… ~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
The madness of today’s shame and dishonour system
I recall working with a rather nice lady in her early 30s. To protect her from being identified I’m going to slightly lie about where
THEY wouldn’t let Euronet have a party
I was asked recently to recount the concept behind a broadcast Euronet made over Christmas 1992. (I’ve spoken about the satellite radio station Euronet before
My cats are a-moulting so Summer is a-comin’
Yay! Summer is all but here. Temperatures are rising, skies are clearing, birds are singing. And my cats are moulting fast. Nope, little sheep, it’s exactly
The start of BBC Radio England
I was very glad to read that the BBC Trust has made the first few steps towards the establishment of a Radio England, a radio
It’s time to cull BBC local radio
I originally published this back in October last year… The idea that BBC local radio might cease to do much more than relay Radio 5Live
Blue Peter flutters off BBC1
So, the BBC announced that children’s TV programmes would be shuffled off their flagship channel BBC1 but would continue on CBBC, the BBC’s very popular
I blame Margaret Thatcher
Lefties, especially the wealthy middle class ones, are creatures of habit. One of their habits is to blame Margaret Thatcher for everything they consider that’s
G’is a ‘climate’ job, mister
Seriously. What is wrong with these people? We are in the middle of a fortnight during which mad people from madland are touring the country
Why the Met Office ‘forecasts’ are pointless
With those who do the long range weather forecasting like the wonderful yet eccentric weatheraction.com (based on looking at what the Sun is doing) constantly
The original earthlings are watching us
We are not alone. But, we’ve been looking into the heart of the universe to seek out new life. We’ve been looking in the wrong
It’s time to close analogue radio
Finally nearly all the old fashioned analogue TV has gone. There’s only a couple of areas left, Northern Ireland and Newcastle. They’ll be gone by
Bitty, want bitty
I don’t have a problem with women getting their tits out for their kids. It seems perfectly natural to me. However, it does seem to
England's England 