Depending on one’s mind and imagination the word ‘Landshark‘ conjures different images. For me, with a childish snigger, it makes me think of the, er, sexual
Save the James Whale
Global Radio, the owners of the last remaining talking radio station in the UK, LBC 97.3 (FM in London, and around the country via DAB),
Universal Credit
A million years ago, back in the days when one joined an organisation at the bottom and 40 years later retired at the top, I
The bed that was far too low
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
100 Sharia beatings for children
In the news is the story of yet another child victim of rape who has been sentenced to 100 lashes. That’s a sentence of being
Upgrading from Boyfriend to Husband
Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and
Jake Morrison is gay
There’s a very young local councillor representing the Labour party (there isn’t really any other party in Liverpool, it’s a one party state), who managed
Hope by radio
As a talking radio listener, I quite often listen to Pete Price on Radio City / City Talk (Sunday – Thursday 10pm – 2am). And,
Fancy a bum?
As a human who abhors watching those who know no better getting used by the religions and religious that offer them the pretend and false comfort
The cuts won’t affect Liverpool’s skunk industry
Despite the vast majority of the occupants in the Anfield area of North Liverpool having never actually worked, quite a number can be very enterprising
A radio station for life
Every decade or so, both BBC Radio 1 and BBC Radio 2 upset their cling-on audiences. Both stations have a remit as to whom they
The countdown to disaster has started
Here’s your 12 month warning. Power cuts are on the way. Electricity requirements within the UK cannot be met by the amount we are generating.
635 Employees
Can you imagine working for a company that only has a little more than 635 employees, but has the following Employee Statistics. 29 have been
They’re here
Recently, an asteroid passed so close to earth that it just about missed the geostationary satellites we have in orbit, flying, as it did, closer to earth
The Scouse Vasectomy
After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough, as the Social wouldn’t buy them a bigger bed and they weren’t strong
My life with Tony Blackburn
Tony Blackburn is a radio DJ who has been there all my life. I actually remember him on the offshore radio station Radio London (‘Big
Asteroids and meteorites are going to get you
A large percentage of the human race, possibly spurred on by the fear of death, love to fear apocalypse. The ‘human-haters’ (usually those suffering from
The radio showreel that never can be
‘Showreels’ are quick 2 to 5 minute long edited highlights of a person’s talent. A great ballet dancer’s showreel will be edited highlights of her
Africa ain’t gettin’ hotter
So, we know already about the ‘unreal’ aspect of natural world type programmes featuring David Attenborough, don’t we? For many many years no sound was
Real Radio Talent
Here’s an interesting one. A response to a recent article of mine lamenting the lack of talking radio in the UK, especially from the commercial
The Great Valentine’s Day Hype
Look, I do realise that Valentine’s Day is a hype. It is a device used to generate profit for those who publish and sell cards.
James could have been ordinary and anonymous
Once upon a time there was a cute little toddler called James. Twenty years ago, 1993, yesterday he died. He was just an anonymous little
Sunrise at Mesa Arch
It takes a damn good view to take my breath away. This is absolutely stunning. It was taken by Sharon Thomas who said of it,
PETA puts up posters that encourage children to smoke
Some might say that PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) is one of those weirdo cults joined by those people who are confused
Sock it to me
As part of my healthy living regime I walk about a bit. Sadly my walks aren’t as charming as those experienced by Steve Conway (here)
In memory of Liverpool’s City Talk Radio
It was exciting before the franchise was won. Liverpool was going to get another commercial radio station. The incumbents, Bauer Media, who owned the heritage station Radio
The Headlines from the year 2033
Lucky for me, my future self slips media reports back in time for me to read. This is how I always appear to be so
Happy Birthday to me (yet again)!
Aw. Shucks. You’ve come here because you know it’s my birthday, innit. Yes, today, February 7th is my birthday. Today is almost as bad for
Making Ends Meet
I had the misfortune – actually, it was more a fortune – to spend about 20 minutes sheltering in a doorway with an elderly lady.
Nothing’s moving, ok?
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
Stop stopping gays from living the dream
I’ve explained before that being a virgin with regard to my gay side, I have concluded that I must be straight. And, as I’ve said
The weirding of the English language
English is a crazy bizarre language, innit. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
To CRB or not to CRB
We have, fortunately, in the UK, left behind us the era of unchallenged cruelty to children. Sadly, we are but one small tiny drop in
We are to blame for Global Warming
How can we tell that we are to blame for Global Warming? Well, we, the prolls, rely on the somewhat loud and aggressive voices of
What’s wrong with these pictures?
Here we go then. What’s wrong with these pictures? They are (supposedly) part of a Colgate promotion. Notice anything? Anything? Ok, so you are probably
Where are the radio stations with talkie bits?
My search for radio that I can listen to continues. I’m looking for a radio station that combines current music with a medley of lots
So nobody’s using Google+ eh?
I keep being told that nobody is using Google+. I keep being told this by people who, for some obscure reason, seem to think that
Google+, Twitter and Facebook help find missing girl
About six months ago, Karl woke up and realised that his 13 year old daughter Jessica had gone missing from their Taunton, Somerset home. She
I’m not on Twitter, I have a life
Now then, those who regularly read this England’s England place and take an interest in my spoutage will know that I’m an early adopter of
Listen to Steve and Suzy on Sundays
I don’t see Sunday mornings that often. I tend to emerge from my sleeping pit in the afternoon. However, when Sunday mornings have to be
Outsourcing your own job
I recall somebody lending me a book called something like ‘The One Minute Manager’ which preached the philosophy that a manager should be so damn
The not knowing
Until very recently we had two pet cats. Then one day one of them just disappeared. It’s interesting how a lot of people just dismiss
The Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources DirectorTO: All EmployeesDATE: October 1, 2012 RE: Gala Christmas
Wot no talking radio?
Back in the days when music radio was still in the hands of the creatives rather than a badly programmed computer, eccentricity was allowed to
The sex test
So then… Are you a) Male or b) Female? If you are not sure, then have a look further down to find out. No, not
Jack and Nate, part 14
This is Part 14 of the story of Jack and Nate. Please start with Part 1 of the story, here, or it won’t make sense.
Why do radio stations pretend they aren’t networking?
There aren’t many radio stations left that aren’t broadcasting a ‘programme’ coming from a central studio and ‘networked’ across all the country. This is especially
Jack and Nate, part 13
This is Part 13 of the story of Jack and Nate. Please start with Part 1 of the story, here, or it won’t make sense.
Assault weapons and the mentally ill
The world of good novels and excellent movies has lived off the world of conspiracy theories forever. Storylines that give us ‘stuff’ that’s happening that
Jack and Nate, part 12
This is Part 12 of the story of Jack and Nate. Please start with Part 1 of the story, here, or it won’t make sense.
Save children from Obsessive Compulsive Religious Disorder
For every story that is uplifting and a good demonstration of humanity having humanity, there seems to be a hundred stories that show just how
Jack and Nate, part 11
This is Part 11 of the story of Jack and Nate. Please start with Part 1 of the story, here, or it won’t make sense.
The UK’s 2012 Drought
The ‘meme’ or ‘lie’ about ‘global warming’ or ‘climate change’ is going to take a very long time before it is no longer embedded into
Jack and Nate, part 10
This is Part 10 of the story of Jack and Nate. Please start with Part 1 of the story, here, or it won’t make sense.
Let’s talk about mental illness
This passed me by until just recently. It’s a brilliantly written piece which has been re-posted in many places, but originates here. It is about
Jack and Nate, part 9
This is Part 9 of the story of Jack and Nate. Please start with Part 1 of the story, here, or it won’t make sense.
What the lobbyists want us to believe about climate
Well, well, well. What have we here? It seems that 661 files that make up the drafts of the next IPCC report (due to be
Jack and Nate, part 8
This is Part 8 of the story of Jack and Nate. Please start with Part 1 of the story, here, or it won’t make sense.
Enjoying the journey
My view, arrived at rather late in life I suspect, is that everything should be about enjoying the journey rather than being pre-occupied by the
Jack and Nate, part 7
This is Part 7 of the story of Jack and Nate. Please start with Part 1 of the story, here, or it won’t make sense.
Gaza, a concentration camp or not?
Recently, a commentator called ‘IL‘ said this at the end of an article of mine (here) during which I wailed about the crimes against Palestinians.
Jack and Nate, part 6
This is Part 6 of the story of Jack and Nate. Please start with Part 1 of the story, here, or it won’t make sense.
2013: The Next Generation?
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
Jack and Nate, part 5
This is Part 5 of the story of Jack and Nate. Please start with Part 1 of the story, here, or it won’t make sense.
It’s a new day, it’s a new year, and I’m feeling…
…Good! So, it’s 2013. It doesn’t really mean anything when the year clicks over to a brand new one, any more than when a car’s
Jack and Nate, part 4
This is Part 4 of the story of Jack and Nate. Please start with Part 1 of the story, here, or it won’t make sense.
Jack and Nate, part 3
This is Part 3 of the story of Jack and Nate. Please start with Part 1 of the story, here, or it won’t make sense.
Jack and Nate, part 2
This is Part 2 of the story of Jack and Nate. Please start with Part 1 of this story, here or it won’t make sense. After
Jack and Nate, part 1
This story is important. It is fairly long, which is why I have been forced to split it over several posts. It needs to be
My Christmas tree fear
Phew! Christmas is over for another year, and my eyes can stop watering. Now, you know people have phobias? Some people run screaming and wet
The Domestic Violence of Christmas time
A repeat article from a previous Christmas to help us pause for thought: Having ingested four times more than a single human’s portion of food
Merry Christmas
Ho ho ho. Even as Father Christmas, Christopher England likes to mess about with the world. Will he ever learn? Not to worry. Have a
Faaaa!
Well, Christmas Eve is the last day that Father Christmas is available to be visited by the boys and girls of the world. Christmas Eve
Father!
Aha. Today all the mastic and the 10 minutes of carefully putting my Father Christmas beard on and making sure it is properly glued on
What they said about Christopher England #2
In my last article I mentioned that a spontaneous collection of pronouncements about Christopher England recently appeared on a message board infested by old radio anoraks.
What they said about Christopher England #1
A few weeks ago I had to work on location. I had limited internet access via very expensive satellites, plus it was essential to not
Father Chris!
A pattern emerged at the beginning of the month. Very young children and babies would come to visit Father Christmas before about 3pm, and definitely in the
Father Christmas!
Disaster! My Elf has gone sick. She was spluttering a bit yesterday and seemed less than her usual, er, elf, and so today is staying
Father Christmas Do!
Spending all day in a grotto dressed as Father Christmas is having its toll. It was only a few weeks before this that I was
Meat is Yummy
It may surprise my good regular readers to discover that I am vegan. Ok, I’m not vegan. Neither am I vegetarian. I am a healthy
The Sandy Hook slaughter of children
All this week I have been dressed as Father Christmas. I’ve been seeing a stream of mainly excited and over-excited young children. They are all
No cat toys for Christmas
I’m sure I’ve spent hundreds of Pounds on cat toys. I’m sure the cats are taking the piss out of me. Not that I’m paranoid
Where’s WALL-E?
Remember the film about the little robot, WALL-E? Remember the fun books Where’s Wally? Well, how about trying to find WALL-E? He’s somewhere in this
Going to a Carol Service
It’s weird being an outsider, y’know. But, I went to a Carol Service, ‘cos it was Christmas, innit. Ok, let’s examine this: I didn’t go
The Price of Pete
So, there’s this local celebrity called Pete Price. His main exposure to the people of Liverpool is via a week-night late-night 4 hour phone-in via
But … where am I?
Where am I? I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in
Sir Patrick Moore
Sadly, as one gets older, people who have been there forever die. Nothing prepares one for this. It just starts happening. Then it speeds up becoming more
Fifty sheds of Grey
The novel “Fifty Shades Of Grey” has seduced women and baffled blokes. Now, Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for the men. The book
Father Christmas Do Not!
I’m still Father Christmas sitting in a grotto. Yes I am! Four kids came in together today. I don’t think they were brothers and sisters.
Father Christmas Do Not Touch!
A ‘grandfather’ was wheeled into my grotto. Wheelchair bound, he was accompanied by about 10 others. There were different generations all gathered together, most making
Father Christmas Do Not Touch Me!
There are only a few different types of parents or grandparents. And, it’s mainly grandparents that are the awful pushy ones. Parents maybe less so.
Father Christmas Do Not Touch Me Ho!
As a Liverpudlian Father Christmas, I’m starting to notice that every child has one of a small selection of names. Why is nearly every boy
Awful old records on Radio 1
It started as one an hour. Within a week it became two an hour. That’s two too many. I’m talking about the invasion of old
Father Christmas Do Not Touch Me Ho Ho!
Suited and booted, bearded and wigged, I am now Father Christmas. A grotto had been found for me, and day one was to consist of
Father Christmas Do Not Touch Me Ho Ho Ho!
How hard can it be dressing up as Father Christmas and working in a Grotto? It must be dead easy, right? Sigh. The first thing
Father Christmas Do Not Touch Me Ho Ho Ho Ho!
I think telling kids that Father Christmas exists is child abuse. Period. I believe it is cruel. I believe it should be outlawed and any
Graham calling
Here’s a nice easy read from Graham Brown‘s blog. Graham is a radio anorak who has somehow ended up living in Orkney. Because the BBC
Comminute clouds of knowledge
We were somewhere drinking this absolutely disgusting tasting Cloudy Lemonade. All agreed it was terrible, and so we examined the ingredients list. As one does.
Car sex
Not that I’m a voyeur or anything, but look at those two having car sex… …You might have to strain to see exactly what they
YouView? Not in my view
Ok. just what is this YouView box all about? To start from the beginning it is a Freeview TV receiver. It can pause, rewind and
England's England 