“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old man. “You always feel like you have to pee, and most of the time you
Tag: fun
Those things you see that you shouldn’t
So, you’re in a daydream. You’re walking down the street. Shuffling past that unkempt bungalow you see something out of the corner of your eye
Best breastfeeding
Now, that’s what I call milking the stupidity of some prejudices! Let’s hope the person that wrote the sign feels a right tit now.
Yes, I’ve put my tongue on it
Oh yes. I’ve done it. I’m damn sure that’s why PP3 batteries deliberately tempt us men with their seductive positive and negative terminals sticking out
Holy Milk?
Erm, so, did they have to drink it from, erm, ‘the bottle’ or did he let them fill cups and mugs? Yeuch. Feel queasy now.
Would you stick it in?
Looking through the keyhole you can see a lit corridor that is just waiting for you to stroll down. And you have a key. But
A Sikh sense of humour
Made me laugh out loud.
The best morning view
So, you wake up and look out of your window to be greeted by this. What a perfect view. Calming. Refreshing. Recuperating.
Spot the willy?
OMG. Did I just see a penis? I did. I saw a penis! There was penis. Look. There it is again. DISGUSTING!
Should I paint it?
So, I’m not that into painting and decorating, but I’m thinking of making changes. I quite like the idea of making this all black and
OMG, A UFO attacks a plane!
If you look very carefully, you can see a plane way in the distance. Then, you can see it is being followed by something with
February 7th is my birthday
So, I was born on a February 7th, many many February 7ths ago. And every year I’m forced to nod, grin and look happy on February
Am I childish?
Snigger. Snigger. Snigger.
Don’t stay in the bath too long
Sometimes one likes a good soak. They say it’s good for you. A nice long soak in the bath. So much nicer than a shower.
Something strange in the countryside
All seemed ok until the satnav stopped working. And there was strangely no signal for any of our phones. We were lost. Definitely lost. We
Your fingerprints hold secrets
Yeah, sorry about that. Your fingerprints hold no secrets whatsoever.
Fancy a Kit-Kat?
Pussy. Oh, so tasty.
Taking shit photos
Why do so many people take pictures of their food? And yet they rarely, if at all take pictures of their pooh? Social Meeja timelines
Let me sort your ladygarden
Completely by accident, I’ve discovered a brand new career. But I’m not sure if I can go full-time. I had no idea, but I seem
Our next Prime Minister and President
OK. The blonde elephant in the room. Donald Trump, the next President of the United States of America and Boris Johnson, the next Prime Minister
Son of the Virgin Mary
Jeez, I really must stop this publishing this Jeez stuff, innit.
Beware of god
Just sayin’.
Behind the photo
I have often wondered how you get rid of those strange squares right below the bottom layer of a picture. I’ve never found out how.
Get outa ma shed
OK, it’s not funny. Well, yes it is funny. It’s hilarious. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel sorry for Amin…
Tesla magic roundabout
Science is fun. Mr Tesla made it even more fun. Thanks Tesla, mate. (Check this moving gif if it’s not moving by clicking through to
The wallpaper from hell
Yes, it’s a pub. But why oh why would anybody sober or drunk knowingly pick this wallpaper? Indeed, why would anybody want to sell it?
‘Cottage’ you say?
I know about ‘cottaging’. Indeed, I don’t see anything wrong with it. Well, apart from it kinda getting in the way of people really really
Cat in a box
What is it with boxes? Whenever a box sees a cat, it instantly wraps itself around it. The box devours the cat with a hunger
Find the panda
Have you seen him (or her)? How long did it take you to find him (or her)? Pandas are amongst us. But where?
Goodbye 2015, Hello 2015S
Why is Apple so always out of step with reality? I doubt things will normalise in 2016!
One for audio anoraks
Damn these other species that can see and hear stuff we can’t.
Look into my eyes
Get yourself to a big screen. Concentrate. Spend a few minutes letting your mind clear of everything that makes it busy. Stare into the eyes
Round and round
You ever get one of those days when you are so busy chasing yourself around the house that you just step over all the bodies?
Dog versus Cat
Heh heh heh.
OMG, Wikileaks kills Christmas
This is terrible news. Absolutely terrible news. Not only have the naughty list and nice list been stolen, but they’ve been part released on Wikileaks.
It had to be done
Yes, it had to be done. It wasn’t me. Nobody saw me do it. I mean, why would I deface a notice? But, it had
Be like Jeremy
This is Jeremy. Jeremy believes that ISIS and other terrorists are our friends and comrades. Jeremy wants to chat with them about their stronger points.
Poor Dr Hedgehog
I mean, it must have been all but impossible to pass up the opportunity…
As easy as riding a bike
I mean, everybody and anybody can ride a bike … right?
An ‘armless joke
Snigger Snigger.
Fruity banana is no excuse
In these politically correct times it is illegal to find humour with the subject of ‘flashing’. I mean, real flashing is of course, not funny.
Political correctness gone mad
– Boom tish.
Burning infidel technology
Human beings, eh? Mental.
This actually happened
This actually happened and is still happening as they evolve. And these guys have beef with us.
The great ‘fog’ mask of 2015
There was a man-made blanket of ‘fog’ over the UK up to today when it started to clear. But what was it there to hide?
ISIS on TV
Erm, apparently ISIS produce TV sets. And I bet they wish they had a different name now.
My Pumpkin Mocha
So, the line in the large Starbucks secretly built under the stairs in Liverpool One takes forever. Why is it always the case that in all coffee shops
A mole on my willy
Ok. Sigh. I have to come out and say that I have a mole at the end of my willy. I know. I know. I’m
Meet the other half
Most Scouse females are addicted to fake tan or burning themselves to a crisp with cancer inducing tanning tubes. They do this along with removing
Proof that your brain hates you
One of many brilliant cartoons from theoatmeal.com that made me lol. If you have a few moments or longer to spare, check out Matthew Inman’s wonderful
Old were young
Young people look at old people as if they are space aliens. For some reason they don’t realise that they are looking at their future.
Radio Caroline’s DA Box
This article was originally written in the 1990s. I republish it here to bring you up to speed with the truth behind Radio Caroline. The
ReligiON versus ReligiOFF
Defo when Religi is turned off the view is far more exciting and full of wonderment. More people need to turn it off.
Cat racing
My money’s on Number 1. Yours?
How to build a computer so cheaply
This is so easy and can save ££££s and it only takes a few minutes. I mean, what is the point of buying a new
Men Cooking
Why is it that there’s now a whole generation that have no idea what their kitchen is for? Well, they think it’s a place where
How to weigh yourself
And it’s a good exercise too. What’s not to like about this way of weighing?
Sharing bodily fluids
I’m not sure about this animation. I’m not sure if I feel uneasy about it. I think I might. It appears to be lumps transferring
Massive human cell division
WTF? (Click through to a platform that plays this moving gif) One moment you are just you, and then suddenly you are lots of you.
The iSheep dilemma
Android can sort out your relationships and your life to make you the King of the planet! Fact!
Something’s wrong with my house
This moving or animated gif (If you are reading this on a platform like Facebork that doesn’t support moving gifs, you won’t see it, er,
It didn’t rain until September
So, can you remember September 2015? Really? You probably think you can, but those are planted memories. September 2015 never actually existed. However, humans love
September 2015 re-written
Damn it. Once again, problems with time and space and the need to re-write all your memories of September, just as we had to do
This is handy
A bit of fun with this moving gif. It looks so spooky and real. But is it though?
Seeing doubles
Yep. Sseeeeiinngg ddoouubblleess.
Two types of girls
Ummm. Not sure what this could possibly mean. In the slightest. Not at all.
Smoking helps you relax
I wonder how many decades before the horrors of ‘vaping’ are manifested as a drain on our National Health Service.
Toilet truths
Should I comment? Does it say enough? It does doesn’t it. F’narr.
Exciting new powerful radio transmitter
It’s that radio anorak time of year when the slightly pre-death age anoraks lay themselves in bed dreaming. If their nurse, carer or wife* is
Come on in fam
Woah! What the Feck? Scary. Truly. I mean, if that was really really real, it would be like some kind of drug crazed dream. I
Mwahahahaha
I do. I really really do.
All about Everything
It’s impossible to disagree with this simple yet complete understanding of Everything.
Infinite energy
We humans have been trying to create the ultimate infinite energy generator. We want to produce energy like electricity but at no real cost, at
Huge Goldfish attacks building
So, it seems to me that there’s not enough of this going on. There should be a lot more mixing of things like, well, fish
Is British Summer Time over?
Simon Cowell is one of the best and most accurate measures of the end of British Summer Time. There are, however, a few others:
How to survive various animal attacks
Brilliant stuff from The Poke. Love it.
Doubles
It had to be done. Doubles. There are millions of rip-roaring side-splitting examples. And then there are these.
Asteroid time is it?
I’m not too sure what planet, asteroid or comet has time expressed with minutes greater than 60. However, one of my clocks seems to have
TV remote controls can hurt you
The TV remote just cut my forehead. My wonderful other half was sitting sorta opposite me on the beanbag. She was wearing one of her
Paraprosdokians to snigger about
Well, 18 of them. Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is sort of unexpected. Apparently Winston Churchill loved them.
Best bra ever
Erm, I hope the Incredible Hulk doesn’t get a back strain from his obviously extremely heavy lifting.
The greatest video you will ever watch
Well, there are porn videos and then there’s … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtIYZaliB3s
Ah, those ancient memories are the best
Oh … so … shiny.
Wow! Worth waiting for, or what!
(You might need to click through to a platform that supports animated moving gifs to see this) Phew! What a pair, eh? Have you ever
What I think I look like
Yep, I’m a girl. No, no, no, no, it’s about the difference between the two, innit. You know, mirrors and stuff. Sigh.
How to deal with queue jumpers
(This is a moving gif so you may need to click-through to a platform that supports animated things, unlike Facebork) Queue jumpers. People who push
This cat can speak
Everybody loves a good cat video. Indeed, on Google+ Saturday is now called ‘Caturday‘ after the preference for the subject in the photos and videos
The Hogwarts bus is waiting
This is really cruel. Mwahahahaha!
The hottest pole dancer … in the world
(If you are looking at this on an old fashioned platform like Facebork, you will need to click through in order to see it animated.
Heavy wallets delivered to Liverpool Football Club
I was lucky to see and snap a quick photo of the annual delivery of the first week’s wages for the players in the Liverpool
Have you got hard wood?
Ok, this is childish snigger bait. Sorry. But it says ‘Bona’. BONA. And look at the packaging. Snigger. It’s got a funny shape when you
Barista lurve
I read somewhere that if your barista fancies you, they can give you your coffee for free. Well, I had to pay for my Venti
The truth about what you are doing
This, my lovely friends, is the truth!
Resist Capitalism?
Yep. Feckin’ stoopid.
May the Fourth…
…oh, DAMN! I think I’m 17 days late with the tedious Star Wars Day greeting, so let’s do what everybody does when they feel a
Oh so yummy
…and it probably doesn’t even help the yeast infection from itching.
They are poisoning us
It has to stop. It really has to stop. How can these faceless wealthy merchants of child death be allowed to continue doing this? I
Scaring the crap out of people
Apparently I am a very stupid and childish man who should grow up and stop messing about. Apparently some people are just not happy with
England's England 