Completely by accident, I’ve discovered a brand new career. But I’m not sure if I can go full-time.
I had no idea, but I seem to have the ability to completely and perfectly shave or shape ladygardens. Yes, ladygardens.
You know what I mean. Lady’s hair. Well, hair down there.
It appears that I have mastered perfectly the correct technique needed to providing a complete, ahem, waxing and removing unrequired, erm, foliage.
When it’s done woman on woman, I am told, it can be painful. However, I, I am told, have perfected the art of firstly making the lady whose garden I am tending feel at ease and relaxed. It is my air of confidence and concentration that makes me better at this than some dizzy scouse-browed blonde who has one eye on her mobile and another on talking about herself, whilst hacking away at the forests of the nether regions.
Men are better at concentrating at one task and therefore doing it perfectly.
It started as a bet. After listening to the complaints of one woman-thing who was finding it hard to sit down without a padded cushion, it was. She was slagging off the “bitch” (her word) who had dealt with her ladygarden. I bet that I could do a better job. When it was time, she bared her soul, well ‘arsehole’, and all associated ‘bits’ and I got to work. Not a single scream, whimper, complaint or outburst of negativity.
OK, I know that all women are two faced and never ever slag another female off to their face, just vent their bile to everybody else. So, I put cameras and microphones in a room she was sitting in with her best mate. Nothing bad, but to my surprise, huge compliments for my, er, green fingers (My fingers were actually more blue than green, that was the colour of the gloves I wore to protect me from the evils of ‘down there’).
Indeed, I found myself with another client as a result of that conversation.
Well, the tale of my kindness and pain-free, er, gardening, spread. I now have had ten different clients. Most have said they will require my services again when they find themselves returning to jungle status.
I kinda feel cool that I am able to help these women from having a topic to moan about, but I realise women occasionally also like to gush over enthusiastically about something good they’ve found, and that is acting as an unsolicited advert for how men are better than girls when it comes to tending ladygardens.
England's England 