I read somewhere that if your barista fancies you, they can give you your coffee for free. Well, I had to pay for my Venti Mocha, but when the drink was ready, I noticed that there was a smilie under my name.
So, what does this all mean? The guy in front of me didn’t have a smilie. Nor the girl in front of him. But I got the smilie.
It’s truly possible that the barista fancied me; I am an extremely handsome fellow.
Confused, and feeling a mixture of flattery and violation, I looked back at the lady who had served me. She caught my eye and she winked, then carried on serving the next customer.
She winked at me?
Or did she have something in her eye?
Heck, was the smilie a way of just trying to tell me to cheer up? Maybe I’m reading the wrong things into all of this.
I mainly walked away, but felt compelled to glance back. This time she wasn’t serving anybody but was watching my pert buttocks as I was heading to the door. The girl who’d put a smilie on my cup was looking at my bum!
O M G !!
She sussed I was looking back, and her face broke into a beautiful happy smile.
Without hesitation the brazen hussy blew me a kiss. However, I was so shocked and unaccustomed to this kind of attention that I turned my head, quickened my pace and left.
Maybe it was because I used the app to pay, and that I am a ‘Gold’ member. Maybe it was some kind of wind-up not unlike those Frat parties where you have to bring an ugly person who doesn’t know they are just the victim of a terrible joke, and they would be watching me and other victims back on CCTV later to judge who’d flirted with the ugliest person.
Getting back into the vehicle and obviously looking extremely red and perplexed, my life partner asked what was wrong.
Time seemed to slow right down, making a split second last 20 minutes. This gave me time to consider my relationship with her, a relationship built on trust and complete honesty. A relationship that I’d waited far too long to find. A relationship that gave me complete satisfaction and happiness.
Also I pondered the fact that she carried a loaded AK47 at all times and had given me warning flesh wounds in the past after I was caught staring at Fiona Bruce and my excuse of ‘because she’s the one on telly reading the news that we’re watching’ had been rejected. A girl who had worked with me suddenly went missing after giving me a birthday card with a couple of ‘xx’s after her name. A neighbour who had stopped to chit-chat to me in the street suddenly moved away to look after a sick relative. Well, so many things pointed to the actions of my love and protector protecting me. I couldn’t put the barista at risk.
After the split second had passed I came clean, looked at the floor and said in a voice an octave higher than normal, “Heh Heh heh! Just trying to avoid burning my hand! Heh heh heh! It’s a bit hot and over full! He heh heh!” I offered as I allowed it to blister my thumb as I held it over the smilie lest further questions be asked.
England's England 