Radio Caroline’s DA Box stolen!

The DA Box has been stolen.

Yes, the DA Box has been stolen.

The DA Box, historically, is the special filter that was used by the offshore pirate Radio Caroline. Back in the 1970s it was first fitted into the output of Radio Caroline’s programming. It was around this same time, and largely because of the DA Box, that Radio Caroline started to elevate itself above simply being a radio station.

I’m not lying, just ask any offshore radio anorak. They will tell you of the mystical properties and spiritual enhancement to their life just listening to Radio Caroline gave them.

And this was all due to the careful filtering by the DA Box.

(The exterior of the DA Box, circa 1976)

DA is the completely unacceptable opposite to LA, Loving Awareness, a philosophy and way of life which, hey, we should all adhere to, right?

When Ronan O’Rahilly brought his Radio Caroline back in the 1970s, and it entered a period of broadcasting album music, LA was the message. Radio Caroline fans could feel the Loving Awareness coming out of their radios. There was absolutely no DA. The DA Box was removing it all.

Then, disaster.  Radio Caroline disappeared under water during a storm.

After Caroline finished, well, sunk, this powerful device went down with the ship and was lost to the sea. Or so we were all told.

There’s a strange legend about the power of the DA Box. As the Radio Caroline ship was sinking, back in 1980, the scramble of the selfish DJs to get onto the lifeboat followed by shouting at the lifeboatmen to get them out of there, accidentally left one crew member behind on the ship as it sank to the seabed below.

By all accounts he should have drowned.

But he didn’t. He was kept alive by the life giving power, the pure Loving Awareness, of the DA Box. For an extremely, almost inhumanly, long time, Mr P (we’ll call him to keep his anonymity) lived underwater, shielded from certain death by the DA Box.

I recall in the 1980s trying to interview him by phone via a land-based pirate radio station, but just as he got on air he became far too frightened to speak. He felt his life was in danger.

I was then visited by some hooded fellows who told me that it might be best all round if I ceased my highly investigative journalism. I dropped it as soon as I saw they were carrying the official seal of Ronan O’Rahilly, the founding father of Radio Caroline.

Anyway, I was sworn to secrecy about how the DA Box along with Mr P had been rescued.

Yes, it is true that I know something that you don’t know, but I try to pretend I don’t.

The DA Box had to be guarded by the only people who could be trusted to ensure it was not abused. For some reason this excluded me. I’ve always resented that.

Ronan O’Rahilly personally chose a remote monastery on one of the barely inhabited islands to the north of the Scottish mainland. Over the decades, the monks kept watch over the DA Box, reverently resting it on a golden turntable platter deep inside a tiny bolt-hole dug out of the island’s tectonic rock. The entrance to the bolt-hole, was, apparently, behind almost impenetrable 4 metre thick titanium doors.

Since the real Radio Caroline ceased broadcasting, along have come mock-up versions of Radio Caroline, some even ‘broadcasting’ for many years using the name. However, as any radio anorak will confirm, even though these Radio Carolines have sounded similar to the real one, there has been something missing. Well, of course, it’s the lack of the DA Box. The DA Box was used by the real Radio Caroline, not by any of these pretenders to the throne. No DA Box, no Radio Caroline.

Some of those who were desperate to be Radio Caroline, organised dives on the wreck of the ship. None could find the DA Box. This caused them great uncontrollable anger.

Nevertheless, the DA Box was being protected until it was required again for the return of the real Radio Caroline.

But, the horrifying news is that it has been stolen.

A morse code distress signal from the island, which cut off mid-sentence, indicated that the monks had been overpowered by a team of rogues, unspecified rough and ready types, who they had tried to fight off, but had failed. The message said the DA Box was lost.

This is a world changing situation. I am heading to the scene.