A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, ‘Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie? The
Tag: fun
The case of the RICKMOBBING of Liverpool Street Station
It’s Flashback Friday. Every Friday we bring back a golden oldie article from yesteryear. A chance for you to re-read it and see if it
Farts is funny
We all do it. Especially women of course. Some men, even some women, do it discretely and quietly. Women are particularly adept at the ‘roll-squeeze’
A very cute looking pussy!
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
It’s not big and it’s not clever
The innocence of youth, eh? ~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
Stand By for Asteroid Impact!
OMG! OMG! (Or for the older readers: “Oh My Golly Gosh!”) It’s the end, THE END! An asteroid is on its way. It’ll be here
Sainsbury’s writes to Lily, aged three-and-a-half
How truly wonderful. Sometimes you see something that makes you feel that life is just great. Please wallow in this. I stole it from Threescore, an occasional
Shut the fuck up in cinemas
I have long been of the opinion that something needs to be done about, or should I say ‘to’, those who have random chattering conversations
Will you be Raptured?
As you may be aware, Christopher England was ‘Raptured’ yesterday. Apparently this was to annoy all the stupid Christians who assumed they had the monopoly
Christopher England -v- Radio Caroline
This is all about Christopher England, so it’ll be a fantastic read. Handsome, plus the voice (and looks) of a god. There is quite a
The day I nearly made toast of a major superstore
People like toast. I like toast. Toast smells nice. Mid-mornings people want toast. So, we bought a toaster. Rather, I was sent out to buy
Guess the Nationality!
F’woarrr. Ay? Ay? F’woarr. Ok, let’s make this scientific as a cover for what might be pounced upon by the Political Correctness gone mad
Just an Illusion
The mind is a powerful tool, yet it remains so easy to trick, confuse and manipulate. This fact doesn’t seem of much concern to most
Fearing the computer
There was a time when we ‘feared’ the computer. I don’t mean back in the 1950s and 1960s when, for some reason, we assumed it
Why ignore the inter-dimensional beings?
I’ve never understood why humans generally don’t discuss what happens to them at night. I can only assume it’s because they are in denial. The
Loud birds
It’s Flashback Friday. Every Friday we bring back a golden oldie article from yesteryear. A chance for you to re-read it and see if it
A feline sense of perspective
I’m a cat person. Not a dog person. But, cats, right, when we are at our most vulnerable, can be so very cruel. ~ ~
The truth is up there!
Yep. Seems like an appropriate ceiling for a ‘smoking room’ to me. Heh heh. ~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on
What could you do in a room like this?
This is a photo of a room just after I had it built, installed, and finally sorted out. It took ages, man, ages, and I
Oldest Person in the World Quiz
Being only 19, and living quite a full and busy youthful life, sometimes it helps ground me by talking to old people about what their
The Cillie Society
It’s Flashback Friday. Every Friday we bring back a golden oldie article from yesteryear. A chance for you to re-read it and see if it
How likely is my Bluetooth headset to work again?
NB: Not my Bluetooth headset. Not even my face, honest. The additional information you need: It fell off my ear and into the loo. It
A good Pacman workout
Bloody hell. When they asked if I wanted to play an old retro game of Pacman, I never thought I’d get so exhausted. I need
Essential Beatles
As an essential part of my training to become properly Scouse, I stole this (you can see where it’s from so that makes it okay,
Can you crack the ultimate secret code?
. (This page intentionally left blank) ~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
My Steve Conway Envy
It’s Flashback Friday. Every Friday we bring back a golden oldie article from yesteryear. A chance for you to re-read it and see if it
Practical headbanging
Think of your boss. Work this one out. Is this your boss growing a head from up their own arse, or is this a frustrated
The search for non-willy porn
Not my kinda porn, honest. Why can’t I find any porn aimed at me? I mean, right, I’m a bloke, right, and so I’m not
Say it with penis?
Ummm. Erm. Ok, I’m not looking, ok? Not me, I’m not looking, ok? But what exactly is it that I should be saying with penis?
Where to park a woman-thing when she’s not in use
When it comes to relationships and women, I don’t like to blow my own trumpet, but I am an expert. After many years of trial
Sprinkle when you tinkle
Moan moan moan. I’ve written before about women and their obsession with the toilet seat being up or down, as if they are the only
The ‘Grate’ Toilet Seat debate
Men and women are different to each other. There are a number of places that this difference causes a little friction. One is in the
Ohh, Ahh, Slurp, Buzz buzz
I hate socialising. I hate people. But, my girlfriend and I went out with friends the other night to an award ceremony (I didn’t win
Many Happy Returns
Every year without knowing, you unceremoniously pass through the exact date, month and time that you will die. Wooh! Less scarily, once a year you
Sexist jokes and the sack
Mr England and his big cock Mindful of how easy it is to be sacked for being sexist these days, I went up to this
Bob’s Bob?
Find a goldfish.Watch his lips.What’s he saying? Hmmm?Look closer.Maybe that goldfish is trying to tell you his name is Bob. ~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus
Only men suffer real pain
Women have been allowed to get away with faking aches and pain for such a long time. Yet, no woman has ever felt the true
The Piss Poor facts of the 1500s
They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot and then once a day it was
Shave me eyebrows?
(Not me really. Honest.) So what’s all this shaving tiny bits out of your eyebrows business, eh? As you know, I am a completely hip
When is a caterpillar not a caterpillar?
…when it’s some bums on holiday. ~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
Welcome to 2011
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
Flash mobbing
It’s Flashback Friday. Every Friday we bring back a golden oldie article from yesteryear. A chance for you to re-read it and see if it
Are you an iSheep?
Baaaa! ‘iSheep’ = a person attracted by prettiness and shininess over functionality and price.Can you guess what products they buy when it comes to mobile
My confused doctor
Although I am always saying I’m only 19, the truth is that I am now nearly 80. For this reason I recently went to the
Confused Supermarkets
Peas outside? Peas inside! Having previously reported on the horror of daytime shopping in supermarkets, there is a side issue I need to address. It’s
Queue jumping the English way…
The other day I needed to go to Accident & Emergency. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Air
The Pope’s Speech as a Venn Diagram
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
My Supercar
Getting this bloody anti-gravity car thing I invented to keep still and air-park properly is a bloody nightmare. It sort of drifts a bit whilst
Bogies!
Damn this heavy cold. I was walking along the ‘beach’ at New Brighton and sneezed. Look what landed on the mud. Still, at least I
Speak to the hand?
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
Stinging the bee
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
Spam that makes you lol
It’s rare these days for true spam to reach me. This is a little annoying because I feel I’m missing out on adding inches to
Good is Evil is Good
~ ~ There’s plenty more, plus the option to comment on this at: http://www.ChristopherEngland.com ~ ~
Ummm…
Yep. This is definitely sexier than a picture of an actual ‘kebab’. Suggestion is often better than the raw flesh. But, please stop sending
I’m watching you
I’m watching you. Oh yes, I am. But … if you look deeply into my eyes, what do you see? ~ ~ There’s plenty more,
Cats
I just love cats…don’t you love the way they are kind of into everything, you know, kinda getting into the swing of things? ~ ~
Old ‘uns are the best
Me: Hi. I’ve a few things I’m after. Firstly, I’d like to buy a watch Shop assistant: Analogue? Me: No, just a watch. I’d also like a goldfish
How to nap
Heh heh. Another concept to try to sell to the boss then. If we all catch some zzzzzzzed time when we should be working then
Food Porn
Christopher just slowly ate: Freshly cut very juicy pineapple resting on a bed of St Agur blue cheese on crusty hot buttered freshly toasted slices of
England's England 