Shut the fuck up in cinemas

I have long been of the opinion that something needs to be done about, or should I say ‘to’, those who have random chattering conversations with each other, on their phones, or by text in cinemas.

My preference would be for a disintegrator beam to immediately and painfully destroy the offenders, to the glee and happiness of everybody else whose pleasure they are destroying.  Failing that, I should be allowed to bring with me my telescopic night-sight enabled dart gun and collection of tranquilliser darts.

I suppose the reason why people chatter and mess around with their phones is because nobody is taught about the real pleasure that can be felt from total immersion in a movie experience.

Their sole audio-visual experiences in life have been from watching the always-on TV that shouts and burbles away in the centre of their living rooms whilst their entire household are also doing everything else, including chatting.  They never switch it off, and they never consider spending time watching it to the exclusion of everything else.  This is also the case when they watch DVDs.  The chattering and distraction will rattle on with them looking up every now and again to actually try to work out what’s going on in the plot.

The dominance of burbling away TVs is now so bad that most pubs and restaurants, hotel lobbies, reception areas, etc., etc., will have TV screens burbling away in every location they can be fitted otherwise pub-goers, restaurant-goers, etc., just don’t feel at home.

Apparently their tiny minds inside their stupid heads will implode if they are out of sight of a TV screen for too long.  The sound accompanying the TV screen pictures is unimportant, as long as it is on it will stop the head implosion.  This is why pubs and restaurants can play music that has nothing to do with the pictures and nobody notices and nobody minds, just as long as the TV is burbling away, that’s all that’s important.

So, the concept of sitting still, and enjoying a film from end to end is alien to these people.  They don’t know how to reach this level of enjoyment, and so they have to fidget with their phones, texting or actually speaking on them to the distraction of anybody sitting nearby.  Even texting on ‘silent’ is a distraction because of the flashing of the phone-screen’s light visible to anybody behind the offender.

Indeed, on a personal basis, I now refuse to go to a cinema unless it is part of a closed viewing session because the inability of these scummy idiots from the general public to sit and watch the film has become so impossible to try to ignore.  For months all I experienced was the first 10 minutes of films, followed by then arguing for my money-back because nobody from the cinema was doing anything to get the drongoids to shut the fuck up.  For some inexplicable reason I was told I wasn’t allowed to bring in a flame-thrower to deal with them myself, either.  Bastards.

Anyway, I was heartened to discover the wonderful tale of the Alamo Drafthouse in the “Magnited” States of America that has a very strict policy on talking or texting during movies.  They don’t allow it.  You get asked to stop twice, and on the third occasion they chuck you out with no refund.

Naturally of course, this has given them great publicity and increased the footfall from people who actually are there to watch the bloody film rather than attend some social gathering or use the place like a phone kiosk.

However, what is also happening is protestations and indignation from those who have been thrown out. Sadly, they don’t even seem to know that what they were doing is wrong, and they don’t realise the whole thing is not about them.  It’s about everybody else who is there to enjoy the movie, yet they are so self centred they just can’t accept they’ve done anything wrong, but have themselves been wronged.  Tossers.

Take this female anus that left a message on the voicemail of the Alamo Drafthouse after being ejected for constantly using her phone to text.  They used her audio to make a trailer that gets played in the theatres ahead of the main movie.  Excellent…


  1. I don't go to the cinema very often , but when i do i often become aware of people fiddling with their phone – probably putting some random comment on facebook or just texting. It is so irritating – that bright white light in the darkness can be seen many rows away , especially behing the offending person. What's more , what's the point ? It cost around ten pounds to see a film at the cinemat these days during the peak evening time showings and people are still prepared to miss some or most of what they have payed to see and are more worried about what they can sit at home and do for nothing. Just goes to show how completely dependant people have become on their phones and facebook that they can't live without it even for just a couple of hours to watch a film they have paid good money to see.
    These people should definately be thrown out of the theatre/cinema without hesitation.


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