Vote to REMAIN or else

Today is Referendum Day. Today across the UK you can vote TO STAY, that is REMAIN, in the excellent European Union. You have until 10 o’clock tonight to get to your pre-designated Polling Centre and cast your REMAIN vote. You just put an X in the first box. The one on the top. That’s why it’s on the top. That’s why it’s first.

Anyway, to the point of this article. Some of you might be thinking of voting Leave. Ha ha ha. Wankers. Well, to you, firstly I would say that a vote to Leave is a vote for your death. Not only will we REMAINERS hunt you down and kill you, but we will also torture all your family in front of you.

You are a stupid moron if you vote Leave. And a racist. Only racists would ever consider voting Leave.

votehowA Leave result would actually cause the sea around the British Isles to become blood red and to boil. Our islands alone and boiling without the protection of the EU is what you wish is it? You bastard. And racist.

You’ve seen the dragons on Game of Thrones, right? You want the dragons coming down and eating our children after they’ve been boiled alive by the seas? Then fine, vote Leave. You child murderer. And bastard. And racist.

What you can’t seem to get through your thick head is that none of this will happen under the protection of the EU. That’s why all the proper people are voting REMAIN.

The beauty of voting REMAIN and continuing to be controlled by the EU is that we are better off with all the directives and laws being decided in one place by an unelected representative from each country. Yes, it was good back in the day when the UK had its own powerful democratic parliament making decisions for its own people, but those decisions have become so out of touch with the greater good, the greater needs, and the greater federal union of diversely different countries and cultures all being carefully homogenised into one. So out of touch, man.

Yes, it costs a fortune to build and maintain the hundreds of very important buildings the EU bosses use, but they are essential, and the historical need for butter mountains and wine lakes whilst parts of the world were starving made complete economic sense. But, like with the National Lottery, we all get so much back. So very much.

You tossers voting Leave will miss the blue plaques celebrating the projects paid for by the EU. Well, paid for by yourself, minus the cost of running the EU gravy train and machine, ‘cos it’s completely right that we never get back what we put in. Why should we? There are plenty of huge salaries to pay for. And the upcoming European Union army/navy/airforce will cost a fortune to equip if the EU is to properly protect our borders from those evil countries outside the EU. That’s right, all countries outside the EU are evil and our enemies.

If we Leave the EU who’s going to protect us from our enemies? Who’s going to protect us from ourselves? Both the Bilderberg Group and the EU agree. We need rules, regulation, directives, and their advice at every point in our lives because neither we as individuals nor our elected representatives in our country’s parliament are capable of making decisions.

So, don’t you dare vote Leave today. If you do, you’ll be sorry. Apart from the EU punishing you, we’ll find you dissidents and deal with you too.