So, apart from actual rumpy pumpy, the solo playing with oneself is some of the porn that I produce. Erm, watch. No, I meant, a friend of mine watches. Not me. Plus, I never videoed, edited, or published anything, officer.
To be a bit more graphic, ladies self-pleasuring is of course what sells, second only to couples, or maybe more than couples, triples, nipples. Nipples? Sorry, I drifted, I obviously meant quadruples.
But, hold the thought of ladies self-pleasuring.
Let’s not beat about the bush, I’ve come to the crux of my puzzlement.
What did ladies do before man invented the vibrator?
The vibrator has been about for quite a while, originally cunningly sold as a, erm, muscle relaxer, massager. Only those with a nod nod wink wink knew what it was really for.
But, what did ladies do before, ahem, ‘back massagers’ hit the spot scene?
Yes, I know all about the sitting on a twin-tub washing machine, riding a motorcycle, recklessly using a treadle sewing machine, or even speeding on a typewriter. But what about the eons before such vibrating devices were made?
Where did the vibrations, so needed to help a lady function, used to come from?
How did ladies manage before the humming and buzzing of plastic based cigar shaped tubes that never look like rabbits despite being named after them?
Did they not need the vividly focussed hit of mini pneumatic drills pummeling relentlessly at their insatiable clitorides (as we Latin scholars call them)? I guess the nearest they could get was riding a horse. Yeah, riding the horse for miles and miles until it dropped exhausted, I bet.
But even the gentle rhythm of a well tanned saddle sliding back and forth is nothing compared to the high speed techno throb of battery enhanced good vibrations.
Did ladies really spend millennia since the dawn of time without any motorised hotspot battering companion whatsoever?
England's England 