Corbyn – the Millennial Granddad

With Jeremy Corbyn cutting the figure of a pencil drawn 1920s Leninesque character from the yellowing pages of an old well-thumbed book about plots and sub-plots from Russian sponsored secret society meetings in rooms full of bearded men sucking on pipes, it is very strange that he is so beloved by much much younger people.

Yes, the right on beardy vegetarian old people love him as well, but why are the Millennials worshipping him like a god, doing his dirty work and carrying out acts of intimidation against any who don’t worship JC, so that he himself can stay squeaky clean?

corbynlolI think it’s because a lot of Millennials lack a proper lovely old granddad. And, Corbyn certainly appears like a proper old granddad. And, you’d do anything for your granddad, right?

If you think about it, the parents of a lot of the middle class and wannabe middle class Millennials (because, let’s face it’s never the working class Millennials) waited to quite an older age before having charming little Tarquin. This meant that Tarquin’s grandparents were senile and/or dead by the time Tarquin was making sense of the world around him. Tarquin missed out of the love of a real grandfather.

Then, ready to fill that sad void is somebody in the public eye who fits: Jeremy Corbyn.

True, they could have picked Tom Jones. He’s very grandfatherly, and used to know somebody called Elvis Presley.

Or even George Clooney. He’s very much a lady’s man. So, that excludes male Millennials, well, all those that definitely are unquestionably binary, despite questioning being compulsory.

For a while it was Lord Alan Sugar, but he didn’t seem too cuddly. And, of course, he’s Jewish. Once Millennials worked this out, Sugar was consigned to the dirty biscuit tin of rejection, because not only is he Jewish, but his name is sugar, and sugar is very bad. So says Corbyn.

The beauty of picking Corbyn as the granddad they never had, is that he also subscribes to the same whacky conspiracy theories that they do. It’s a bit like finding out that your granddad in his 70s loves to go to clubbing in Ibiza just like you do. It’s odd, but well cool!

All Corbynistas, without exception, share the global conspiracy paranoia, with the world being secretly controlled by some Illuminarti, normally referred to as Jews or Zionists. Some of the more paranoid spout stuff about the Royal Family being a race of lizards rather than human beings.

Unsurprisingly, most of this ridiculous paranoia can be traced to the extensive use of mind bending drugs, usually of the very strong cannabis derivative. The rest is attributable to the extensively bad mental health that seems to be developing across the UK, turning potentially bright young minds into Corbynistas.

So, this explains why the unelectable policies of the Labour party don’t matter. Heck, granddad is just there to be cool and say all the things you want to hear. It doesn’t matter at all that he leads a political party that will never see actual power in his lifetime.