Anybody old or rude enough to know who ‘Derek and Clive‘ were, will know about lobsters.
Don’t know ‘Derek and Clive‘? Well, sadly both are dead now. I say sadly because one was Peter Cook and the other was Dudley Moore. In their time they were funny as a duo and funny on their own. And they could be a bit serious and sad too, in a tears of a clown way.
However, at the peak of their fame they of course were on the telly, and people on the telly in those days never swore. Whenever ‘Christmas tapes’ revealed people we didn’t know swore, swearing, it was a whole new experience. People didn’t actually swear did they? OMG!
Well, Pete and Dud would get extremely drunk back in the 1970s and leave a tape recorder going as they ad libbed their way through outrageous, rude, crude, sweary and extremely funny scenarios, but calling themselves Derek and Clive. They got a cult following when their ‘work’ was released on album.
The album Derek and Clive Live includes a routine about the worst job they ever had. It turns out that for one of them this was a job retrieving lobsters that were stuck up Jayne Mansfield’s bottom. It wasn’t said so politely. Indeed, the phrase ‘lobsters up the arsehole‘ was born. It became part of the follow-on cult of those who had watched and loved and repeated Monty Python sketches ad infinitum within their peer group. Monty Python phrases were supplemented with many a Derek and Clive phrase.
So, imprinted in one’s head is the concept of ‘lobsters up the arsehole‘. That’s where they go.
Now, imagine the immediate thought you get when out for a walk and this fella in the photo steps in your way. That’s right, you think you are going to get a ‘lobster up the arsehole‘. Hence the need to clench buttocks.
Even more so when he (or she, how can you tell?) waddles to face you regardless of which side of the path you move to. Do you chance it and step over, or do you turn back and find another path?
I mean, right, attempting to step over it exposes one’s ‘arsehole‘ and we all know what might happen next!!
(Want to hear the Derek and Clive conversation of which I speak? Have a listen here.)
England's England 