Why ‘scallies’ all smell of old lady’s wee

It’s dead easy to spot the destroyers in Liverpool’s urban areas. The ‘scallies’, as they are called, all wear the same caps and same dull grey or charcoal black monochrome ski-wear, even in the hot summer, and can be easily seen hanging around off licences intimidating and abusing people who are brave enough to refuse to buy them their cider.

It’s not proven whether their brains are underdeveloped and immature owing to the malnutrition of being brought-up by uncaring parents only feeding them chips and badly made takeaways, or due to their early use of strong recreational drugs. The staple drug diet used by almost every Scouser is of course ‘skunk’, with scallies the heaviest users.

Skunk not only makes its regular users confused, aggressive, paranoid and have sudden outbursts of behaving like a rabid dog, but it makes them stink of old lady’s wee.

The skunk itself stinks and the regular user’s natural sweat and skin reeks of it. Their clothes, their hair, everything about them stinks like they’ve wet themselves day in day out for weeks without changing their clothes. For some strange reason they are unable to realise that they permanently strongly stink of wee, possibly because their brain is too broken to be able to use their sense of smell.

There is a pecking order. Nearly every scally is somewhere in that pecking order in the supply chain for skunk which passes along from the main cultivators like a good old fashion pyramid selling scam. Nearly every scally is carrying drugs to sell to the next level minus their own bit of ‘personal use’.

The favourite method of transport for a bag of skunk is for it to be wrapped around the penis. It is harder to find when tapped down by the police and needs a more controlled strip search. Consequently a scally carrying skunk will spend a lot of his time fondling his own genitals as he shuffles along the pavement. It is relatively easy to suss which ones in the gaggle of scallies regularly throwing bricks at buses or intimidating a householder are the ones with the skunk. These are the ones with testicles in hand rather than bricks.

A bag of skunk will be transferred from penis to penis faster than genital warts, with the average bag having touched 4 or 5 penises before its contents have finally depleted. The sharing of such intimacy is quite odd because the average scally that is able to articulate such a thing will tell you that behind ‘foreigners’ the ‘queers’ are the evils in society. The irony of their own shared penis activity is lost on them.

With the forced immaturity and under development that skunk brings, so comes the anti-social behaviour which then rapidly escalates through petty crime to serious crime, and that includes murder. The value of life is lost on the scally.

I don’t think the cycle is an easy one to break. The liberal do-gooders will say that the children need places to go and things to do, forgetting that the reason everything closed and boarded up is because of the scallies smashing and breaking it in the first place.

I lean to the idea of zero tolerance and hounding scallies until they learn that they cannot get away with their behaviour, and the reclaiming of the streets away from them. The most efficient way to deal with them would be to lock them up as soon as their action is clearly a crime, and only allow them out in controlled gangs of community payback workers going round fixing the damage and making good after other scallies have swarmed over an area and destroyed it. Ideally these community payback workers should work at night and learn how frightened the average normal Scouser feels at the hands of the scallies.


  1. The staple drug diet used by almost every Scouser is of course ‘skunk’, – you got any statistics to back your chit chat up??

    “how frightened the average normal Scouser feels at the hands of the scallies” — have you ever spent any time in Liverpool?


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