Google, Google, Google.
Google, you know I love you.
You know I’m loyal.
You know I host all my domains through your wonderful Google Apps, and I love and use Chrome, and I have access to two Chromebooks, and I have a Google-ish phone, and I use Youtube, and I use Google Documents, and I use the wonderful Google calendar, and I use your lovely Blogger, and even regularly use Google+ as a place to dump all my shorts and sillies, and I always use Google as my preferred search.
Most importantly, dear Google, you know that I’m happy that, in return for using all of your wonderful services for free or mainly free, our agreement is that you can serve me with your Google Ads. Indeed, you know that over the many years of our relationship I have even clicked-through them because you were pointing me to exactly what I was looking for, such is the miracle of your glorious algorithms.
But, dear Google, we might be at the point in our relationship when I fear a little intervention might be needed.
You see, my lovely friend Google, I don’t like the way I’m suddenly being targeted with a non-stop selection of a specific type of ads.
Yes, I’m quite used to all the ones from the highly financed propaganda machine of the ‘greens’ and the ‘climate change’ industry (It’s notable that the climate sceptics don’t have the massive funding to pay for such counter advertising), and I am happy to ignore all those people wanting to put solar panels on my roof in order to make me money, or plant a wind-turbine in my back yard in order to kill bats, or even replace my lawn with biofuel. I can happily ignore the adverts for their propaganda websites run by the various Greenpeace and WWF offshoots and departments.
Ok, deep inside I get angry, yes I do. But, I forgive you, because you are a machine used by the global warming industry to spread their lies, and so you can’t help it.
But, now, my dear friend Google, you are going a step too far.
Everywhere I go, you are serving me the same new set of ads now.
I really really really don’t think it is appropriate whilst I’m enjoying a playlist of dubstep artists on Youtube to be forced to wait every three or four for some old dear to spend 30 seconds trying to sell me near-death insurance policies for nearly dead people. Neither am I interested in ‘senior’ or ‘mature’ dating. And why is that big white thing asking me if I’m single?
Google, I’m NOT single.
I am, for the first time in my life, absolutely happy in a relationship with somebody who I would only leave for Lady Gaga. I certainly wouldn’t leave her for a ‘senior’ or ‘mature’ lady. That would be disgusting. And, if I was to organise a bit on the side it could never be anybody ‘senior’ or ‘mature’. Eeewww! OMG, that would be well gross, innit.
So, Google, Google, Google. Just stop it.
I want to see ads for more of the choons I like, or the things that I, er, Google, that interest me. Whatever they might be. Come on, you know what they might be, gadgets, tech, social media, online developments, exciting futuristic things, you know, look at my search history. Look at the sites I’ve visited regularly. Not once have I looked for ‘senior’ or ‘mature’ ladies or insurance policies designed for people who will snuff it within the next few years.
Please make it stop. Other people get the good stuff. I see it across the office. They get lovely ads for interesting stuff. They look back and laugh at me and take the piss out of me because there’s yet another old dear who used to be on the telly telling me to cover my funeral expenses. Now, please stop it and let me have the good stuff like they get.
Thank you.
England's England 