Radio Caroline to be refloated

What exciting news I just heard; Radio Caroline is going to be refloated.  Well, more precisely, part three of Radio Caroline is going to be refloated.  Ok, let me start from the beginning.

When Radio Caroline first started back in 1964 it wasn’t long before another organisation was conned into giving up their call-sign and also becoming Radio Caroline.  Because two Radio Carolines operating in the same place seemed a bit daft even to the most devoted, one ship chugged its way round from the traditional haven of offshore radio piracy, the Southern North Sea, and beamed out its interference to shipping distress frequencies for the Isle of Man and the associated areas of Northern Britain and Ireland.

With near blanket coverage of distress frequency interference across the UK, Radio Caroline was now two stations.

These interference devices ceased in 1968 when the millionaires running them hadn’t bothered to pay for anything and so the two boats were taken away by people who were owed money a bit like what happened in a 2009 exciting true-to-life episode of ‘The Royal’ about Radio Neptune which was causing interference in Yorkshire.

In the 1970s, Radio Caroline number three came on the air.  This was not the same as the previous two, as, although it too caused considerable interference to not just shipping but also aircraft and the emergency services, causing the complete paralysing of the UK’s Fire, Police and Ambulance infrastructural, it cost nothing to run.  Instead of the millionaire owners paying for anything, they had learned from their previous mistake and had the listeners pay for everything.  These listeners were placed into a hypnotic trance and conned into parting with their cash, goods or services which kept the station on the air and able to keep interfering with ships navigation aids at sea causing them to crash into rocks and sink.

Radio Caroline temporarily off the air

Ironically, Radio Caroline started to interfere with its own navigation system and in 1980 it sank.  Ha ha ha ha. Serves it right!

The ship remained on the bottom of the ocean, no longer able to interfere with distress frequencies as the generator had stopped working.  Radio Caroline has remained there to this day.

True, there was a small and insignificant excursion with another ship using the name Radio Caroline, becoming the fourth Radio Caroline in the later 80s, but that too was soon silenced by the authorities who were just so fed up with all the damn interference.

Apparently people within 200 kilometres of the ship were unable to watch TV the deliberate interference was so bad, so the authorities went out to the ship and told it to shut the fuck up, which it did after a long torturous 30 minutes of counting down the worst records the DJs could find, until it was eventually gone forever.

Anyway, back to the real Radio Caroline.  It has remained on the North Sea bed for over 30 years, and in that time the sea has managed to preserve everything exactly as it was in 1980, apart from it all being a lot wetter.  It is still completely usable as an interference causing device once diesel is poured into the electrical generator.  Oh, and the ship needs to be refloated on the surface of the sea instead of at the bottom of the sea. Apart from that, everything is good to go.

Indeed, that’s exactly the plan!  The wealthy people behind Radio Caroline have decided to bring the ship back on the air in order to cause more interference.  This time their target is Sky TV.  Every true Radio Caroline fan knows that Sky TV is evil and so that is why they’ve been asked to donate towards the refloating costs to get Radio Caroline broadcasting again, and blotting out the TV reception of Sky across the entire UK and Ireland.  Those behind Radio Caroline know this is a bold and appropriate move, considering recent times.

We’ve heard that true Radio Caroline supporters have already been donating towards the project, and those that haven’t were not true believers and are traitors to Radio Caroline and are to be shunned.  They will not be allowed to listen to Radio Caroline when it returns.  Some of them will be rounded up and held in a common room with a TV on, very loudly playing music videos for the much younger staff who are there on minimum wage so don’t really want to look after these Radio Caroline supporters that have gone bad.

Radio Caroline will be refloated in time for next Easter/August 14/Easter/August 19/Easter/August something or other/Easter and will bring Sky TV down.  That’s the power of Radio Caroline.