When Jonnie lost his Marbles

When card-carrying Labour activist Jonnie Marbles stepped out of his leafy suburban home in stock-broker belt Windsor he was on a mission.  Today he was heading towards his victim, an 80 year old man.

If looks could kill!

People in their 80s are often targeted to be on the receiving end of violence, intimidation and robbery. Unlike his contemporaries from the street-mugging community, Jonnie Marbles wasn’t carrying a knife, gun or anything metallic.  He had only one good reason.  His target would be in an area where the gun or knife would have been discovered by detectors before he’d been able to inflict any harm on today’s victim.

He could have brought with him a water-bottle filled with acid in order to painfully burn, maybe blind, his victim as he forcefully threw it into his face, but after careful consideration opted for shaving foam instead.  It might not cause any physical harm, but he mused that there was always the chance it might induce a heart attack or stroke in his victim.

As with all muggers and perpetrators of violence against old people, Jonnie Marbles didn’t personally know the 80 year old he’d singled-out to attack.  And, as with all cowardly attacks, he rushed at his victim whilst he was sitting down and distracted.

Unlike most muggers and attackers, Jonnie Marbles wasn’t actually after the 80 year old’s money, but had decided he would punish him because he unconditionally hated him as he did with a passion anybody who dared to have more money than him.

Before the attack, Jonnie Marbles had declared himself judge, jury and executioner.  Like any raving mad stalker or University campus shooter he had singled out the 80 year old and set-off on his mission as the self-appointer punisher.

The 80 year old that Jonnie Marbles was after was of course Rupert Murdoch.  Murdoch, a media baron who had subsidised Sky TV from inception in order to keep it alive until it started to pay for itself, and without whom the Times newspaper would have folded decades ago due to no longer being economical to run, had owned one or more newspapers that had been involved in using terrible methods in order to gather information and write ‘news’. To smug Jonnie Marbles that justified his planned violent actions.

Indeed, the action Jonnie Marbles was undertaking was akin to punching an 80 year old for the fact that their grandchild living in a different country had scrawled graffiti on a wall that had nothing to do with any property owned by Jonnie Marbles.

But, that’s the way the mind of Jonnie Marbles worked.  Like any assassin, like those who go on shooting sprees on University campuses, he hoped he’d be caught on camera and get his 15 minutes of fame.  It was a 15 minutes of fame that completely distracted from what the public should have been reading, listening to or watching about, and it changed from what might have been in the public focus had Jonnie Marbles not been so self centred and egotistical.