As a small science experiment yesterday, I decided to kidnap somebody. Well, it wasn’t just yesterday. I’d been planning it for a little while, and so had been sorting out the cellar in this old house. Since I live a way away from the nearest house the cellar will be fairly soundproofed. I’ve also put a heater in there, and welded everything so it’s like a sort of dungeon. Well, it is a dungeon I suppose. It has a bed, a toilet, and looks strangely more comforting than a police cell.

I suppose it may well be a bit unethical to actually go out and randomly kidnap somebody from the streets, and I’m pretty sure that holding somebody against their will is illegal. To avoid possible trouble, I took out the following advert in my local paper:

“Volunteer wanted to spend a considerable period of time held captive in a dungeon. Will be fed and watered, and will be looked after in accordance with Health and Safety Regulations.”

I had 27 replies. Looking through them I whittled them down to just one. I picked a girl, because, although this science experiment is not a sexual thing, there could be a bit of chemistry there. 23 Year old psychology student Miranda seemed to fit the bill. I called her up and went through a check-list questionnaire, and we got to a position where we both understood each other and the ground rules.

On Friday we met in a coffee bar, and in front of a witness brought by her, she signed a contract which gave me the right of kidnap and detention and to treat her as my prisoner. With the contract signed, we sat chatting for a while whilst the powders I’d slipped into her coffee took effect. Quite rapidly she was asleep. I carried her out to the car, and drove home.

With great care, I took her out of the car, and straight down into the cellar. I placed her onto the bed, and covered her up with the blankets to keep her warm to let her continue to sleep off the rest of the drug.

So, that’s all completed, then. Now it’s all down to seeing what I should do next. I’m going to have a long hard think about that, but I’m pretty confident that I’m the only guy in this country with a kidnapped girl in his cellar. Bored now. Maybe I’ll build a model railway next.