The Borg jukeboxes remain sterile

The pirate stations know what you know, when it comes to radio. The BBC knows what you know, when it comes to radio. The BBC knows that you want to hear a human being they can identify with inbetween the songs. Radio is presenter led. Fact. The reason why so many people listen to BBC radio, especially Radios 1 and 2 is primarily because they feel they are listening to a ‘friend’ talking with them.

The commercial sector, well, let’s be more direct, the Borg assimilation sector (an explanation of The Borg here), especially those dangerous and large Borg that ‘pwn’ Ofcom, the Borg with dozens of ‘brands’ covering London and whole sections of the UK, have an issue with human beings. They don’t like them. They don’t like the human beings listening. They don’t like the human beings talking on the radio.

There seem to be two reasons for this hatred. Firstly, the people at the top of the Borg are very very old. They are out of touch with you and me. They don’t like to hear talking inbetween songs because they are too old to appreciate it and it annoys them for historical reasons when the ‘presenters’ were probably a bit too big for their boots and annoying. Well, of course they rarely listen to anything from their own ‘portfolio’ these days so they don’t know how lonely and desolate their ‘brands’ sound without somebody nice and warm there hooking the audience and giving continuity between the 300 songs that play over and over again.

Secondly, when somebody on the radio is popular and successfully builds an audience they can ask The Borg to pay them more than minimum wage. The Borg hate to be held to ransom in this way. It happened back in the day when presenters actually were too big for their boots, and the very very old men at the top of The Borg refuse to be caught out by it ever again.

The confusion of the Borg ‘brands’ is added to by the conflicting action of employing as radio presenters, people who used to be famous for anything other than radio presentation. They employ ex-boy (or girl) band members, ex-reality show contestants, ex-TV presenters and people who made a name for themselves by being slightly odd, different, or a crazy character.

Here’s the madness: These employees, employed for their unique individuality, are then told they are not allowed to say anything beyond the Borg-allowed announcements. Their ‘links’ (the talking bits inbetween songs) must be quick and to the point, only lasting a few seconds, and must follow a specific style and form that’s a million light years away from everything they were originally known for. Oh, and of course, they are only allowed to appear 4 or 5 times an hour.

A bit of a confusion there. Surely they’d be better off employing generic voices to make the boring announcements, and they should forget about employing personalities who are not allowed to be personalities? Well, yeah, but those very very old people at the top don’t think it through properly.

The public know what The Borg are doing, even if The Borg believe they’ve got away with trying to hook listeners with a known name as a presenter not allowed to present.

That’s why the public turn to the BBC.

Yes, the faceless and humourless Borg jukeboxes are ok to keep on in the background, but they certainly are nothing to ‘listen’ to. The BBC provides radio to listen to.

All of this is such a long way from the original concept of commercial radio. It had personality, individuality, and a warmth that people would identify with and give their loyalty to. Then it all just became a sterile Borg jukebox.

Thank goodness real radio is still available from the BBC.