One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally,
Month: January 2012
My Supercar
Getting this bloody anti-gravity car thing I invented to keep still and air-park properly is a bloody nightmare. It sort of drifts a bit whilst
Guess who owns the Ross Revenge
Radio enthusiasts or ‘anoraks’ won’t like my revelation much, but during the course of this article I will be stating quite categorically who owns the
The silly god-bothering dictator
Who is this god-bothering silly man John Sentamu? Why does he feel the need to control other people having sex? Yes, I know that he
No gay sex for me yet
My lack of having had sex with a man tells me that it is probably not to be. Never say never, of course, but if
A Christian/Muslim dies…
I am an equal opportunities atheist, and I like to laugh and point at both Christians and Muslims at the same time. Sooo… If you
Creative multi-tasking for men?
Apart from being a living breathing enigma, I am an incredibly talented person. I am a ‘creative’. Being a ‘creative’ means I am burdened with
The Virgin gets Gored with the Pole
I like the concept of Richard Branson, the Virgin man. Of the multi-Billionaires that have stashed away far more personal wealth than entire countries have
Fearne’s phone fears
An interesting side comment by Fearne Cotton on her radio show led to a barrage of texts and emails agreeing with her. She revealed in
Pastures new, passions old
An extract from my latest novel, which was originally written in Welsh for obvious reasons: We met in a secluded field, the sun almost kissing
Incompetency based Competency testing
Imagine, if you will, that you can sing. You want to take this further and so you apply to the X Factor. The day of
They still blame Margaret Thatcher
It’s been another week of “I blame Margaret Thatcher” up here in the actual anus of the UK, the Tory-free backward-thinking North-West. Apparently, Mrs Thatcher,
I blame Margaret Thatcher
Lefties, especially the wealthy middle class ones, are creatures of habit. One of their habits is to blame Margaret Thatcher for everything they consider that’s
The decline in radio studio operational standards
When I was a lad in radio I was taught that your headphones were the most important tool you had. Not only would you hear
More or less no global warming
Statistically, not a huge number of people listen to a BBC Radio 4 programme called ‘More or Less’. Presented by Tim Harford and produced in
Did you hear about Diogenes?
Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour or spread gossip. In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates
Goodbye to the local freebie paper man
There is this rather old gentleman I spy from my office window who shuffles about the streets of North Liverpool. He is always over-laden with
Tidy desk? – Nothing to do
Not me, not my desk, not even slightly similar. Honest. I like my desk untidy. It’s MY desk with MY things on it and nobody
I’m not on Twitter, I have a life
Now then, those who regularly read this England’s England place and take an interest in my spoutage will know that I’m an early adopter of
I’m the man without a past
So, having basked in a recent article from Steve Conway (here) that basically went on about how in touch with tomorrow I am, I thought
The day Steve Conway realised he was one of THEM
I’ve spoken before about my Steve Conway Envy (here). From the results of a search across England’s England it would appear that I obesses about
How useless is a sandpaper dildo?
I’m not actually sure how useless a sandpaper dildo is. I mean, for those who partake of a little BDSM in their lives, I’d have
Living amongst real racists in Liverpool
I’m only a slight racist. Everybody’s at the very least a slight racist, even though people will protest loudly with the phrase, “I’m not a
The cuts won’t affect Liverpool’s skunk industry
Despite the vast majority of the occupants in the Anfield area of North Liverpool having never actually worked, quite a number can be very enterprising
No prosecuting of racist Diane Abbot again
When Diane Abbott showed her true, er, colours, with her latest racist outburst, what struck me most was how she actually had no idea how
Admitting to Fat Bastard Syndrome
I’m don’t drink alcohol, and when I say I don’t drink alcohol, almost everybody assumes I must be a recovering alcoholic. I’m not, I just
Driving test needed every 10 years
They’ve finally moved the trophy smashed up car that was driven a few hundred metres into a house following a row and a stabbing in
Christopher England fights Fat Bastard Syndrome
The first few weeks of January must be terrible for gym owners. Ok, yes, there might be new business from those idiots setting themselves ridiculous New Year’s
The world ended in 2011
Atmospheric concentrations of CO2 rose by a record amount over the past year. It is the third successive year in which they have increased sharply.
Steve Conway fights Fat Bastard Syndrome
One of the first things I noticed, following my eviction from London, and arrival in Liverpool, was how everybody smokes. The second was that every
Tribalism is destroying Britain
What are the main problems of this human species? Humans! We are our own enemies, our own predators. But why? Tribalism; the idea that we
England's England 