Radio Caroline obssessives still haven’t faffed off

What is wrong with these people?  Some while ago I delicately described the Radio Caroline obsessives – for ease of identification let’s call them ‘mad people‘ – and how they just refused to go away.

My carefully constructed and award-winning original article was here and it prompted a response from Peter Moore of Radio Caroline here.

Both articles have generated responses via comments on this award-winning England’s England, and in other less significant places.

(Twiddle my rod to check Caroline’s all at sea)

Most disconcertingly, the mad people just don’t get it.  They just don’t get that they are not wanted, not welcome, and not relevant.  They probably need some form of help from a professional before restraining orders or protective female ninjas are employed to make them feel like going away.

Instead of going away, the mad people witter on demanding to look into the accounts and arrangements of he who should be Radio Caroline.

Again, they just don’t get it.  They have no rights to demand such things.  Let’s say that again very carefully: Hey, mad people, NOOOOOOO!

Radio Caroline in all its forms, offshore or onshore over the last 50 years, has always been a private ‘company’ or ‘organisation’ which only a very few handful have been privy to understand or be at the helm of.  It has always been the case that donating anything – time, money, goods, blood, sweat, tears – to Caroline has been to be donating to a privately owned entity.  It has never been anything other than this.  Never.

Indeed, the same is true of London’s Sunrise Radio.  In financial difficulties, it has just begun asking for listener donations.  Those donations will come from those who feel Sunrise Radio has a value that they want to pay extra for.  In a way, this is no different to any subscription service, with the exception that people who have not paid can also listen.

Where Sunrise Radio and Radio Caroline are the same is that their legal status as an entity doesn’t change just because people are donating to the station.  Should a person pump thousands of Pounds into Sunrise Radio, or volunteer to go and sweep the studio floor, he will never ever have rights or influence over the direction of the station.  He is nothing to do with the station, beyond being somebody who donated money and time to it. End of.

Radio Caroline obsessives who have donated time and money equally have no say in the station.  They don’t ‘buy’ any extra permission to be critical of it, or to be fawningly thrusting their loins at it.  They buy nothing.

Yet, those mad people who will instantly list how long they’ve been listeners, as if that somehow qualifies them for a Blue Peter badge, or how many marches they’ve been on, how many hours they have recorded, how many of the station’s jingles they have collected, or how much they’ve put in financially, seem to think they are ‘owed’ something in return.  Hey, mad people, you are owed nothing.

In return for your money, time or goods, you have had entertainment through your radio or other device.  That’s all it’s ever been.  That’s the only return you were ever promised for your money.

So, when you start to grow-up and realise that that’s all there is, why get so angry?  If Radio Caroline is no longer for you, then just bugger off.  Nobody cares what you think or have to say.  Nobody cares how much you ‘paid’ in exchange for the periods of Caroline programming you enjoyed.  You were paid back in full by Caroline.  End of.

I realise that it has taken until now for the mad people to finally acknowledge that offshore pirate radio has finished, and that’s why they are ‘waking up’.  It’s like they are finally waking from a deep hypnotic sleep.

Their coma of belief in the return of offshore radio is only out done by the coma of belief in the second coming of a Jesus Christ.  It’s not helped by the few disconnected ‘prophets’ of offshore radio constantly feeding the gullible mad people suggestions that one day Radio Caroline will again pop up from the middle of the sea, despite the length of time since the final offshore broadcasts took place, having now almost surpassed the entire length of time that British offshore radio actually existed.

The cruel mega-raks (the name explained here), who it has to be noted don’t actually work in real radio, keep making re-enforcing statements about the return of offshore radio.  These arseholes, for they certainly are arseholes, keep very cruelly sending anoraks back into their happy trances by pretending that offshore radio isn’t over.  Not only do they pretend that offshore radio isn’t over, but they also love to propagate rumours that a new version of Radio Caroline is likely to be born again in the middle of the North Sea.  What cruel arseholes!

Sadly, these lies and false hopes are exactly what the mad people want to hear and believe. Even though they want so much for them to be true, it doesn’t make them any less lies and false hopes.

When nothing happens, and despite the constant echoing of “Never say never“, the mad people wake up one by one and get angry and they take out their anger on the actual entity that is Radio Caroline.

Instead of attacking today’s Radio Caroline, these mad people should attack the mega-raks, then just go away and find something more suitable.  Their obscure and unhealthy slightly terrifying obsession with stalking Radio Caroline and wanting to tell it what to do just has to stop.

Radio Caroline is not their imaginary girlfriend.