Where to park a woman-thing when she’s not in use

When it comes to relationships and women, I don’t like to blow my own trumpet, but I am an expert.

After many years of trial and error, I have discovered that man needs man time, and this is key to a successful relationship.

Man time means not having to listen to the annoying jibber-jabber that comes from women, doesn’t it?  I mean, when a woman has completed her tasks of the day – cleaning, washing, washing-up, cooking, shopping, housework, pandering to all sexual needs, etc. – she has no function.  Sadly, she reverts to talking.  Annoyingly, if a man isn’t listening (and, let’s face it, why would he?), the woman will sulk and get moody.  Moody is not good.  It can affect their efficiency in the kitchen, or worse still, the bedroom.

So, what is needed is somewhere to ‘park’ a woman until she is needed again.

I have been experimenting with a number of devices, including this latex stuff draped over a metal frame. Sucking out all the air holds the woman in rigid position, meaning she can no longer get in the way whilst you are watching the game on TV, but is instead suspended until she is required again.  I’d recommend having this in a different room, though, as, in order to keep her alive (otherwise having to dispose of dead bodies is quite bothersome) her mouth remains able to function.  This means you can still hear her.  Not to mention there’s the noise of the pump removing the air to keep her suspended.  

As an acceptable alternative, I would recommend this device.  It’s reasonably quiet (apart from her mouth still being free to make those damn annoying noises), but at least it keeps her still and avoids the distracting fidgets that can interrupt at crucial points in the game.

Indeed, the beauty of this posture is of course that she can remain functioning as an all purpose bottle opener, and peanuts and other nibbles can be kept warm by placing them on her stomach area, or belly-button.

With a little bit of experimentation, like me, you will have a long and happy relationship with the women-things we men share our homes with.