Suicide is painless, part two

I recently reproduced a short article by a guy called Jason who wanted the right to a guilt free suicide.  I published his article because I’d just heard that he finally managed to kill himself.  I don’t want to dwell on the details, but he died fairly instantly at his own hand.
I had previously had quite long chats with Jason trying to find for him the reason for living.  I never managed to convince him that what was right for me might be right for him any more than he managed to convince me that his suicide was right for him.
Not being able to ‘give’ him a reason for living always reflected back and troubled me.  I would walk away feeling a sense of failure and extreme frustration.
I’d tried to explain my perspective, which, quite simply is that death is not an option one comes back from.  No matter how much life has been shit or how badly your cards were dealt, or indeed, how extremely lucky, wealthy and happy your time has been, both paths eventually lead to nothingness.  That nothingness is forever.  Unlike the nothingness that sort of lasted forever before I was born, this one doesn’t have a life at the end of it.  Even so, it’s nothing to be scared of really.  Having said that, I really don’t want to die, and the thought of all this ending gives me a little bit of angst and mild panic.  I enjoy being me, good times and bad times, and don’t want to stop being me.  Yes, I’m one of those who’d be quite happy to live forever.  In that respect I envy those who deal with their termination by believing in afterlives or returning as a banana to give them immortality.  I realise they are acting like a child scared of the dark who believes the teddy they are clutching will protect them, and I understand it’s their way of coping with the horror of nothingness forever.  
I know I will eventually stop being me and I can’t live forever, but I don’t feel drawn to flicking the off switch or doing something that flicks the off switch before the very last minute.  I want to live for as long as I can before that switch finally flicks off.
But, hey, as usual I’ve made all of this about me.
For Jason, everything I just expressed was in reverse.  He didn’t have a religious belief to ease the pain of death by pretending there was some ‘continuance’, but he wasn’t ‘enjoying’ being alive and saw no point to it.  He said that it was this that made him feel quite simply he needed to end it all.  Then what depressed him and held him hostage was the guilt trip people would lay on him about ending it all.  He found that very hard to deal with and it added to his depression.
Some might argue that ‘normal’ people don’t want to die, and so therefore Jason had some problem that was making him feel that way.  Indeed, after a suicide attempt, he was forced to discuss his anxiety and depression with doctors who were indicating that his opinion that he wanted to die was purely the result of his depression.  
Whilst I tended to side with this view, I couldn’t argue against the perfect logic he presented about why he should die.  In the back of my mind I wondered if the moaning about the ‘guilt trips’ people were laying on him was a front and really he did want to live.
Well, whether he really did or really didn’t want to live is something that we’ll never know.  He’s gone now. Forever.
Those with religious convictions will say how he is now ‘at peace’ or ‘in a better place’ or all the buzz words and phrases about the immortality they illogically believe in.   For him and for me he is now just nothing.  He has ceased to be.  He has no children so there is now biological continuance.  There’s nothing.
His family want to cremate him but have a plaque in a crematorium dedicated to him.  They, and those who knew him will carry him in their memories.  When we are all no more, then all that will remain for a while will be the plaque.  After a century or so that too will be removed, as they are in order to make room for the next generation of recently deceased, and it will be destroyed.  
Then all that will remain is a historical statistical record of his birth and his death but nobody will know anything of his life, his personality and the human behind the name.
But, I guess that is true of all of us.