I’m re-publishing something previously published elsewhere by a guy called Jason. Please have a read through and try to understand or appreciate what he’s saying, then read Suicide is painless, part two (which will be here tomorrow):
“I am tired of living, so very tired of living. I want to die and for it to end.
“You probably think I’m suffering from something and slowly dying, but that’s not the case. I am 26, reasonably healthy although to hide from the pain of living I do abuse myself with alcohol and the odd spliff or two which is not healthy. I need to spend most of my life off my head in order to deal with all this. Yes, before you ask, I am very depressed.
“I am depressed because I am still here. That’s all. The only thing pissing me off is being alive. Nothing else. They search for environmental causes. There aren’t any apart from being alive.
“I have tried three times to end it all and make it go away but each bloody time I failed. Waking up in hospital is never a good feeling. I let out a huge sigh. My sigh is because I know I’ve got to go through all the questions, the explanations and those looks from the psychological examination. They always want to discuss my feelings. I don’t want to share my feelings. I don’t want any feelings. I want to die.
“I don’t have so much to live for despite them telling me that I do. How dare they tell me I’ve got stuff to live for. I don’t want to live for anything. I don’t want to live. Why won’t they understand that? Their choice for themselves is to live. I don’t tell them to die. My choice is to die. Why do they tell me to live?
“I’ve had the conversation about how I’m being selfish, but how selfish are those who force me to live and try to lay their guilt trips on me? They even say how I go can cause trauma to those who find me or inconvenience to those who are on the train I jump in front of, the road users below the bridge I leap from, the divers having to comb the river I drown in, the… There’s nothing I can do as a process of ending it all that doesn’t inconvenience somebody. What about me? Why doesn’t anybody think about me? Living inconveniences me.
“I can’t afford to escape via a country that cares about people like me and allows me to chose suicide free from guilt. I have to do it right here where I’m trapped.
“There’s no reason to live, and even if there was a reason I don’t care, I don’t want to be part of it. This is about me. It’s about me no longer wanting to be me. What perverse reason have you for torturing me by keeping me alive?”
England's England 