Whilst the world spends its time staring suspiciously at anybody of an Arabic(ish) origin or appearing to be dressed in an Islamic way (especially carrying a rucksack), something far more sinister, and until now unseen, has been going on.
The real enemy are the Chinese. (Ok, obviously, not really really, but go with the humour on this one!)
I mean, let’s face it, they don’t like our way of life, do they? They are communists and we aren’t. The divide is obvious.
So rather than strap explosives to their stomachs and detonate themselves in a way that can only cause maximum collateral damage, they’ve hatched a far more cunning plan.
Their weapon of choice is the “all-you-can-eat” Chinese food buffet.
Look in the window of your nearest. What do you see? Fat people. Loads of them. Huge, gigantic bottom wobbling constantly sweat-dripping porkers waddling and wheezing their way back and forth between the area where the food’s been left and the trough at the specially reinforced table and extra wide chairs the Chinese people have provided.
Up they stagger, onward they head looking like slow moving buffalo, just about able to carry the plate they’ve piled high with anything they could find, wearing track marks in the carpet from their 20 or 30 shuffling journeys to get their money’s worth of food.
Yes, you’re right. They get fatter and fatter. Week after week they return to this cheap obesity assisting swill pen to stock up with tonnes of edible matter until eventually their stomachs explode.
And there you have it. Nobody realises this is actually another success chalked up by the Chinese, who want to eliminate us from the inside. We just think it’s only another good for nothing scrounging Council Tenant splitting at their seams again as this country heads on into the obesity epidemic. But now, at last, we know better.
Damned cunning, those Chinese, eh?
England's England 