Toot Bargains

Women seem to be hard wired to spend money on toot. Toot being pointless rubbish.

If the woman, or more usually her husband, is loaded, then she will spend a fortune on shoes that don’t fit and handbags she doesn’t like. She will buy them from overpriced outlets, oblivious to the fact that they were put together in sweatshops using next to or actual slave labour.  The same is true of ‘tops’.  She’ll go out and buy tops she’ll never wear again. Women with rich husbands ensure they have plenty of space to keep all these things they will never wear.

A woman has no idea why she does all this. It’s just what she does.

Poorer women, the women who can’t afford to pay obscene amounts of money for toot, have stores selling them toot as well. They certainly can’t afford the high-end toot of the women who have rich husbands, but there are plenty of stores selling things for a £1. Or just a bit more. Sometimes up to £10.

These stores are filled with items that are even more pointless than anything offered on any TV shopping channel ever. However, they are affordable. So poorer women can walk around a typical ‘Toot Bargain‘ store and only spend a few quid yet walk away with plastic bags full of completely pointless items and so feel a sense of achievement.

‘Toot Bargain‘ stores provide a range of items from cleaning products that don’t actually clean, through to pillows that become completely flat within moments of resting a head on them. They are the source of pointless things like spatulas that double as alarm clocks, a cat cosy or two, and plastic boxes that nothing fits in.

What they sell is mainly unimportant to the woman, they’ll buy it anyway.

I’m not sure if women head to toot purchasing at a particular point in their menstrual cycle, or if it relates to a full moon. However, toot purchasing is what they will suddenly have to do in order to lift the red mist that falls down over their eyes. That includes scouring through ‘Charity Shops‘ in order to purchase clothes they don’t want, alongside the ‘Toot Bargain‘ items.

90% of the clothing bought in ‘Charity Shops‘ is bagged up and donated back to a charity shop within 3 months of purchase. 90% of the items bought in the ‘Toot Bargain‘ shops breaks and has to be thrown away within 36 hours of purchase. The remainder gets put to one side once it is realised how useless it is, in order to pretend it’s not useless.

So, it doesn’t matter what the disposable income of the woman might be, there are shops to take it off her. They take it off her a lot faster by using seductive magic code words like ‘reduced‘, ‘buy one get one‘ and of course that old force that women can’t resist, ‘sale‘.

In contrast, men don’t buy toot. Granted they might find themselves uncontrollably walking into a shop that sells man-toys and gadgets, but none of that stuff is toot, ok?  It’s usually very essential stuff a man needs, ok?