We have our first Ask England. I introduced the concept of this feature here and have now received my first request for guidance and advice. Just remember, I do the thinking so you don’t have to. I don’t make up the questions, just supply the answers.
Dear Christopher,
I have a much beloved cousin who lives on the west coast of the USA. We’ve always got on well, and have stayed in each others houses many times over the years. Later this year my partner and I plan to pay her a visit . . but there is a problem of etiquette.
My cousin is (happily) married to an evangelical preacher. When we visit, he insists that my partner and I, despite living together for a number of years, must occupy separate rooms. And of course, in order to be good guests and respectful of our host we shall do so.
But here’s my problem.
I can’t decide whether I should be happy doing this as a mark of respect for our hosts deeply held beliefs, or resentful that someone’s imaginary friend can dictate my sleeping arrangements.
I’ve been tossing this over in my head, and I still can’t get quite the right mental response.
Can England tell me what is right here?
Bob (not real name)
One of the problems when dealing with narrow-minded bigots who can’t think things through logically for themselves, but prefer to maintain and propagate the prejudiced and immature rules that applied to desert children and were written down many decades after the event, translated via even further modification and re-writing, and distorted to include the prejudices of the day, is that it is almost impossible to help them see real enlightenment.
If Saul’s mates hadn’t written it down, these god-botherers reason, then it didn’t/doesn’t exist. If they’ve written down stuff that was relevant to primitive cultures 2,000 years ago, they assume it must still be relevant today.
So, don’t bother trying to enlighten them to this millennium’s ways. You may as well try speaking to them in Aramaic. They just won’t understand.
Secondly, to be frank, and you aren’t going to like this, whatever rules they have about what goes on in their house, are the rules of the house, I’m afraid. You have to accept their hospitality with its conditions.
I, for example, don’t allow people to smoke in my house. Anybody who broke this rule would be executed. Or at the very least banned from my house and subjected to a cruel campaign of harassment and hatred.
A home is one’s castle, so the house rules are set by the householders. Therefore, you have to accept sleeping in different rooms whilst visiting this nut job. You seem to have accepted this, but are more concerned with the feelings you have about it. You probably need to follow my own personal rule with a tiny ritual that really does take your mind off the angst and confusion you feel by having to abide by his silly rules. This definitely changes your feelings completely.
A clever move, if left alone in the house, like when he’s out preaching god stuff in exchange for large donations, would be for you two to have sex on his sofa, or ideally, in his marital bed. After the sex, wipe yourselves clean using the curtains, or his pillowcases.
You will no longer feel miffed about the stupid house rules, and you’ll be one more step ahead of his stupid religion: You’ll know something else he doesn’t know!
(If you need my help, just write to askengland@christopherengland.com in complete confidence)
England's England 