Sweetie-wrapper-gate

I don’t walk around naked all the time, honest.

I’d been in the bath, and had spent the last 20 minutes of my soak really fancying a nice cool diet coke.

So, after the crane hoisted my huge frame out of the bath, I headed down the stairs and in the direction of the kitchen.

Just as I got to the last step of the stairs, I was within visual range of the front door.  At that exact moment the letter-box pushed open and an envelope came through.  About half-a-second later a second envelope was pushed through.

(The offending sweetie wrapper delivered a split second after the letter)

Then after another half-a-second, a used sweetie wrapper was pushed through and fluttered to the floor.

So, in other words, it was obviously a kind delivery from the same person who’d just delivered the two envelopes.  It was also obviously deliberate and not an accident like “it was in my hand and it was an accident, sir”, so there are no excuses.

Look!  There it is!  It’s in the photo, sitting on the letter that was inside one of the envelopes.  A sweetie wrapper.

Did I mention I was naked?

Well, I was.

This was a good reason why I decided it best not to open the door and shout after or confront the offender.  I was vulnerable!

Looking at the two envelopes, one addressed to my partner, the other to me, I spied they were propaganda from the Labour Party.  Some women who wants to be in charge of making it politically incorrect for the police to ever arrest anybody, was telling me how I could have a postal vote for her because it would be cold in November.

Now then.  To the sweetie wrapper.  It’s vaguely possible that it was a bribe.  Maybe the sweetie should have been inside the wrapper.  I searched around just in case it had been, but had fallen out in transmit from their hand to my floor.  Sadly, no sweetie was found.

Thusly, I dismissed the bribe idea (Is it legal to buy votes with sweeties? Probably not), and have opted for the conclusion that the person delivering the Labour Party propaganda was a skanky little shit who either didn’t care and thought nothing of it, or was making some form of statement about me or my house.

It’s possible they were a Tory, of course.  It’s possible that they have done the same to every household in the street, and the cunning plan is to make us want to not vote for the Labour Party candidate.  Clever!

Anyway, I tweeted about sweetie-wrapper-gate to the candidate who tweeted a quick apology, which I have accepted.

However, in the middle on the night when I can’t sleep it is one of the things that rotates around in my mind keeping me awake.  I feel I need to know who violated my letterbox and why.  Why, oh why, deliver me a sweetie wrapper?