I don’t think I’m gay

The Pride Marches are brilliant and good luck to everybody marching today.  The theme this year is ‘Carnival of love’.  I’m not flamboyant enough to take part.  I wish I was.  But am I gay?

I have a very open mind. Yet it’s also quite closed. I mean, I ‘accept’ a lot of things whilst also having my own way, my own opinion, my own views, my own values.

Because I have no problem talking about sex and sexuality, I was asked today if I was bisexual or had had any non-heterosexual experiences. And the honest truth is that my only sexual experiences have been heterosexual.

But does this in itself make me a non-homosexual?

I don’t think in all the years I’ve been alive (and let’s face it I’m nearer the end than I am the beginning) that I’ve ever been attracted to a man. Meanwhile, almost everything female that passes me in the street, the corridor, the bus, the, well – anywhere – I analyse for potentially being sexually active with me. Ok, that’s not completely true on two counts.

Firstly, I don’t think I do this with female cats or dogs, although when faced with a whore of a cat on heat doing all the stuff they do in front of a potential mate I found the vision strangely lingering some days later. But, no, I’m fairly sure it’s only female humans I look at sexually.

Secondly, and probably a lot before I start undressing them with my eyes, I think I analyse them for food potential. As in, can I eat (in a non-sexual way) this female, is it food? No, hang on, before their edibility I think it’s ‘are they going to stab me?’.

Yes, that’s the one. The potential danger. Is this person a nutter? That sort of thing. Anyway, anyway, anyway, at some point we get to the ‘Do I wish to have sex with this female?’ question. If they are aged between 19 and 29 then the answer before even looking is always yes. Sadly, in contrast, they see me leering at them, but think I’m just some cross-eyed old fat granddad who must be suffering from some mental condition.

Sweetly they smile back, completely unaware how I’ve just plotted their sexual conquest. I’m sure they’d be horrified if they knew the truth. Jeez, let’s hope nobody female that knows me ever reads this.

Anyway, I’ve digressed from the major point I was trying to make. That’s quite simply that I’ve never felt myself analysing males sexually. As I say, having got to this late stage in life without ever having done it, I’m assuming it will never happen. In contrast to my desire to sleep with anything female (I meant human female, forget the cat incident, ok? I’m over it.) I’ve never had an attraction to a man and thought I should sleep with him.

So, whilst I wouldn’t say I’m against the idea or bang my fist on a table and talk about beer and football to re-assert my masculinity, within me there is no attraction to a sexual act with a man. So, it appears that nature has me as a hetero, although I’d never stand up and say I’m not a homo.