IT departments are sooo out of touch

Ok, so I was stuck in this customer holding area after complaining that I wanted the job done now!  

They made me wait and suffer, the swines, whose trading name I dare not mention for fear of premature death by litigation.

Let me calmly explain.  It all started at 95 miles per hour, er, I meant, at just under 70 miles per hour on the M62 when I was sitting as a forward passenger in this large van.  I’m not allowed to drive it for two reasons. First is that nobody trusts me.  Second is that I’ve lost a lot of mobility in my right shoulder owing to falling from a great hight and being snarled by a vicious safety line.  So, until it gets better I’d be driving uninsured.  This life of being a passenger is something I’m getting used to.

Anyway.  We were in the ‘fast’ lane, which technically is an overtaking lane, and not a fast lane at all, of course.  We were bombing back, er, I meant, driving carefully, to Liverpool and in quite heavy rain.

A not very good view through a windscreen

Suddenly, and without warning, the windscreen wipers died. They stopped moving.  Immediately the deluge made it impossible to see out of the windscreen.  We were moving at “70” miles per hour and couldn’t see a thing.

This was not good. It was very not good.  It was scary.

Somehow though, with both of us hanging out of the side windows drenched but able to see enough to make the manoeuvre, the driver managed to cross the various lanes and come to a halt on the hard shoulder, saving lives and hundreds of thousands of Pounds worth of equipment.   Strangely, my worry about the van and its contents was greater than the worry about the potential death or maiming of its human cargo.

So, after a further ordeal that included one of the female occupants clearly upsetting the police by insisting on walking kilometres from view in order to have a wee next to the motorway, and many hours later we managed to get home.

Being a new “10” reg van it was of course still under warranty.  Hence the next day, in light rain, with the assistance of many stops and a window cleaning kit, we managed to arrive at the main dealer and book it in.   After 20 minutes the initial assessment came back with “the wiper motor has burned out.”

Reeeeeeally?

So, we then had to haggle for it to be repaired.  They, of course, were far too busy and we should book it in sometime in December or something.  Being July, this wasn’t acceptable.  After much fist banging and “Don’t you know who I am?” posturing, attempts at bribery, and finally pretending to cry, they agreed to try to fit it in that day.

Eventually, with the (female) driver deciding this would be an opportunity to go clothes shopping, I was left in the courtesy area alone.

Some hours later, having become sick of the complimentary hot chocolate from the free coffee machine, eaten all the small packets of biscuits that I’d never dream of buying and normally hate, read all the glossy brochures about how they provided cars and vans for every need (Yeah, as long as you drive them in the desert or places where it never rains), and visited both loos, I realised that they also offered a complimentary internet enabled computer.  I’d previously thought it was meant for an employee, but realised it was for the likes of me!

The first thing I do when using somebody else’s computer is go to christopherengland.com and set it as the home page.  I can’t help it.  Ever since my loving work colleagues sussed I led a double life that included being said England fellow, this is what I’ve done.  It’s stupid, childish, and has had people I work with swear at me and threaten to kill me if ever I touch their laptops again.  The more sensible say nothing but just password protect everything so I can’t be annoying.  One gentleman even has a pop-up activated by touching any key that calmly says, “Fuck right off Chris.”

So. I typed in ChristopherEngland.com and looked to my horror as a strange distorted version of this wonderful blog appeared.  “What?” I shouted in my head.

Assuming that one of the scary Christopher England haters had hacked and invaded and done something evil to my award winning missives, I started to grow angry and plot my revenge. This time, they would surely die I mused.

Then it dawned on me to check the browser I was using. It was Internet Explorer 6. Yes, 6.  IE6?  That’s got to have been the worst browser ever and apart from the security issues, it had a complete inability to support much more than the first ever generation of html, so no wonder the lovely ChristopherEngland.com wasn’t looking so lovely.

A while later I was talking to the highly efficient receptionist and mentioning that the courtesy PC had “very old software that might not be protected from viruses” on it.  She knew about stuff (it is unusual for receptionists to know any more than how to access Facebook), and said she had complained before because a lot of sites they went to didn’t display properly, including their own one.

She reported to me that the IT department wouldn’t upgrade to anything more capable of browsing the modern day internet, telling her that everything was fine and “tried and tested”.

WTF?

Whilst I appreciate that asking an IT department to implement a national multi-site system wide upgrade of an operating system might be an ordeal, especially a costly one, upgrading a ‘free’ browser, or indeed opting to use Firefox or Chrome, costs nothing and is not only safer, but also resolves modern day sites properly.  She and others had argued the toss, but the IT department were adamant that what they were using was perfectly adequate and didn’t need to move with the times.

As you can imagine, they’d also locked down any ability for individuals to upgrade or install alternatives (Yes, I tried).

Well, what is it with IT departments?  Aren’t they supposed to be on the ball and dealing with the exciting new tools that the internet and networked PCs provides?  Instead, they are not far off being the man that demands that his employees continue to use quill pens and write in large ledgers.

It’s the IT departments within organisations that are holding them back and actually costing the organisations far more than if they were allowed to get with the times.

Sigh.  IT Departments.  I’m watching you.