This woman-thing that hangs around with me has decided that in exchange for her silence on matters that might otherwise mean I’d have to take a contract out on her life, she will allow herself to be bought off. This is a cheaper option, and her current requirement is the Swap Watch.

I have tried offering bits of tinsel or sparkly crumpled silver foil, but she’s having none of it. She wants the Swap Watch.

I don’t suppose anybody reading has any conveniently bad stuff to say about the Swap Watch, pretty please? If you have then I can re-point her in the direction of shoes or handbags or any of those cheaper items proper women-things are supposed to like, because the Swap Watch is a really bad thing!

Anyone?

No?

Damn it.