The advance of the Lindt Gold bunnies

You know how they use old china dolls as a scary device in horror movies?  You know how looking at the faces on certain old children’s toys you just know they are evil?  You know how Chucky wasn’t a nice plaything but a murderous doll out to kill in a most gruesome way?  You know how you get that tell-tale ‘shudder’ when you are confronted by one of these spooky things?

Well, it’s time for me to share the terror I feel when confronted by something similar.

I was reminded of my fear when I noticed the Christmas stuff arriving in the shops, and part of it being the Father Christmas from Lindt.

The Father Christmas is a little disturbing, yes, but he seems ok.

It’s those things at his feet that concern me.

Cunningly disguised as, I assume, reindeer, are two of those evil things.  They probably thought I wouldn’t notice, but I did.  Yes, I sure did.  The moment I saw them I froze.

I carefully moved in quiet slow motion away from them.  Keeping my eyes wide open, making sure I didn’t blink, I retreated to the safety of a different aisle, an aisle they couldn’t see me in.

It immediately dawned on me that they obviously had a ploy to infect Christmas, having already ruined my Easter.  Their shiny golden coats of reindeer features didn’t fool me.

They were the Lindt Easter Gold bunnies wearing a cunning disguise.  A Lindt Gold bunny on its own might seem harmless, and they probably are.  But, it’s when they get together.  When you get an infestation of Lindt Gold bunnies all standing apparently motionless together you know something’s not quite right.  Just look at this:

You can immediately sense the tense atmosphere.  They stand there in their menacingly nice neat rows, slightly facing to one side, all just watching and waiting.

It’s the eyes that first alert you to something not being quite right.  Those sideways staring eyes, pretending they are looking forward, when really they are looking to the side, noting everything you do, looking for your vulnerabilities, calculating, biding their time until that final moment when they will be activated.

You can see if you look closely, that their golden ‘coats’ are strangely bulging with who knows what, ready to burst out and devour humanity.  You can easily imagine not having any chance of escape once the attack begins.

I refuse to walk down any aisle displaying these armies of invaders, knowing that it is very likely that they pick off lone humans as practice for the big day when they turn on us all en masse.

I do feel guilty about my fears and suspicions surrounding the Lindt Gold bunnies, especially as I love Lindt chocolate, dating right back to the days when it came in tiny little squares and, no matter what the weather, was always cooler on the inside than on the outside (how did they do that?), and the proper way to eat them was to let them gently melt in your mouth until you got to the yummy gooey inside bit.

I love Lindt, but I don’t know if they realise what these menacing Gold bunnies are really up to.  They are probably blissfully unaware of the evil invasion forces or their plans for humanity next Easter.

Or, thinking about their reindeer disguises, will the Gold bunnies be catching us unawares and striking this Christmas?