Videoing drive-by shootings is popular in America. As you may know, a regular game is that a bunch of kids will steal a car, drive around looking for people they don’t know walking down the street. They will then empty a gun into that person, usually killing them or causing serious injury at the very least. This will cause screams of excitement and laughter from the others in the stolen car. To be able to relive the memory of this moment of great fun, they will usually use a video camera they’ve taken when mugging a tourist, to record the event. They will speed off after doing the drive-by and play back what they’ve recorded to howls of laughter as they watch the final moments of their victim as he/she falls to the ground, dead.
Apparently this is almost as much fun as doing the same thing in the Grand Theft Auto game, and the loss of random human life is irrelevant to the joy watching the playback can give.
In the UK we haven’t quite progressed to random drive-by shootings as a form of late-night entertainment for bored kids. This may be because we are always a few years off copying what’s happening in America.
So, in the absence of a gun, the kids in the UK have started the ‘happy slap’.
How do I explain a ‘happy slap’? Have you just been sitting there minding your own business, maybe on a bus, and suddenly been attacked? Ok, not in a harsh horrible way with a gun or anything, maybe, but perhaps somebody has suddenly hit you over the head with a rolled up newspaper, or slapped your face, and then run away. This will have been a ‘happy slap’, and someone somewhere has it recorded. The playing back of your confused reaction is probably causing extensive laughter to those who are watching it right now in a school playground somewhere. Have you checked Youtube?
Happy Slapping is the craze that really got going when phones started to be able to video events. They usually pick a good quality phone to use, as they need excellent zoom facilities, and very high quality playback.
Avoiding a happy slap requires an awareness of those around you. The first tell-tale sign that you are about to get one will be that you will see a small crowd of kids with the mobile laughing and chattering as they watch the playback of recordings of previous victims. Then they will go quiet. The one holding the phone will pretend they are doing something with it, but really they have started to record the scene. If you are the intended victim the phone will actually be pointed at you. Then, a designated slapper will approach you from behind and attack you. Once the attack has taken place all the kids will laugh and run off to watch your reaction.
So, to avoid the happy slap, a good idea is to carry a semi-automatic weapon and shoot the little fuckers as soon as they’ve started circling around you.
If you don’t have a gun, or have mamby-pamby wishy-washy liberal issues about shooting kids, then lunging straight for the phone is a good idea. Grab it, and shout “I’m confiscating this as it contains evidence of assault, and you are going to be prosecuted and sent to prison.” It probably helps to look a bit insane and to growl a lot. The kids will run away, of course, but you’ve gotten yourself a nice new phone to sell on eBay.
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