Would you Adam and Eve it?

The religion virus is a strange thing.  It successfully blinds people to the bleedin’ obvious. Take this painting as an example.

I mean, what is wrong with this painting?  And, why would you depict Adam and Eve in such a way?

Firstly, judging by the vine that Adam is holding in front of his penis, he’s got a very small willy. So, the very first human being (according to the abrahamic religion viruses) had a tiny willy.  But, hang on, why is he hiding his tiny willy?

According to the pretend story of Adam and Eve, they were innocent and had no concept of modesty until the moment they ate the apple.  Going by the painting, no apple eating has happened yet.  However, there’s Adam, supposedly ignorant or innocent until he eats said apple, hiding his tiny willy. And conveniently stopping us from seeing Eve’s shaved lady-garden.  Indeed, Eve seems extremely hairless.  The natural state of female Jews is to be almost as hairy as men.  Yet, there Eve is as shaved as the finest Immac application can provide.

Actually, who’s been cutting and trimming Adam’s hair, and why?

If he did it himself, what tools did he use?

These are all questions that are never asked by the religiously infected who just ‘accept’ that this painting depicts Adam and Eve seconds before Adam eats the apple.

That’s without mentioning the somewhat scary fact that an aggressive looking lion is behind them. He looks angry. He looks hungry. He’s a feckin’ lion.  Lions eat fresh meat.  Adam and Eve are extremely fresh meat. He’s a feckin’ lion and he’s going to eat Adam and Eve.

Who knows if a lion was actually there in the ‘Garden of Eden’, but it doesn’t seem an extremely safe place to put freshly manufactured meat, does it?

So, finally we come to the most important question of them all.  The abrahamic religion virus tells us that Adam was kind of made out of plasticine, modelled for the first time … ever!  No human beings had gone before. The second ever human being, grown by taking a rib from Adam, was the female, Eve.

There’s a bit of confusion here.  Adam was created, so they tell us, and then he whinged about being lonely.  It was then that Eve was created, mainly to keep him from whinging.

Even though Adam was made with a tiny willy, why was he made with a willy at all?  It would have kinda made sense to make him with a simple exit hole, similar to his anus.  Why build Adam with a penis? Why would you do such a thing?

And finally.  Most confusing of all about these freshly created human beings.  They were created from mud or something, right?  They weren’t grown in a womb, or attached by an umbilical cord to anything, were they? So, why would they have belly buttons?

The religion virus always leaves more questions than those infected ever bother to ask.